The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 15

"It's just... it's my mom. I saw her this morning."

I was so happy that she opened up so quickly with me about this. "Want to talk about it?"

"What is there to say? You know, all I want is to be past it," she admitted in a whisper. I wondered who she trusted enough to say such things to. I wondered if she felt more compelled telling me these things because she didn't care about me, or because she was beginning to trust me.

"You don't move past things like that Pumpkin. It just... becomes a part of who you are," I whispered too.

I thought about my brother. I could never move past that, it would always be a part of who I was, this grief, I would always feel it in some way. Lexi would always feel grief for the loss of her family or at least, the way it had once been. There was no escaping it, no ignoring it. It would always be there now. Life without my brother had become my new normal, and life without Lexi's mother would have to become hers.

Suddenly Lexi broke the comfortable silence between us. "You know that offer to break her boyfriend's legs, might take you up on that," she joked.

I half smiled, amused. "But the agreement stops with vinyls Pumpkin."

It felt good to call her like that and to have her just accept it. Like it was our new normal.

"Tell you what, I'll give you a lap dance as a payment." I broke into semi hysterical laughter instantly. "What?" she asked, chuckling too.

I tried to recompose myself. "Oh well you know I might sound stupid sometimes but let's just say I'm pretty positive that the day you'll give me a lap dance is," absolutely never going to happen, "not going to come around soon. "

"Wow, you're actually learning," she said happily. I tried not to think about what a lap dance from Lexi would be like.

Thinking of distractions and various form of payments, and of course my never ending and slightly pathetic obsession, I said, "Thanks. Speaking of which, tomorrow when we come back you'll have to take me to the library."

She frowned. "Why? Can't drive yourself on your own?"

What would be the fun in that? "First, I have no clue where it is," oh the lies I told, "and second I'm going to need your help."

"What for?"

Questions, questions, questions. Because I love you and this is the only way I'll ever be able to have you. How liberating would it be to say that out loud? "The history teacher said he would boost my grade if I write him a paper on some historic event."

"What are you doing it about?"

I didn't have anything entirely too specific so I just said, "World War II."

"Why?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. A lot of important things happened in those years. A lot of history."

"It was basically a slaughtering," she replied, clearly trying to get a reaction out of me.

"It's interesting," I just answered.

"That's just sick you know that!"

I snorted. "You're the one to talk Pumpkin. I'm pretty positive you read a ton of stories that were set during World War II." I distinctively remembered her reading books set in the 1940s in class at many different occasions.

I didn't take the comments personally. She was still trying to distract herself, and this was the only way she knew how to interact with me.

"Even if that's true, I'm not the one doing a paper on it."

"You just like to be mean to me, that's all," I told her with a laugh.

I was rewarded with a punch for that comment. Seriously, she was going to have to stop manhandling me like that all the time. I was a weak little boy. A weak little boy crazy about her. A weak little boy that had no idea what he would do when she would suddenly realize she didn't need to spend time with me, and I would be back to my miserable self.

She'd realize soon enough, that I wasn't that interesting and I was scared at how dull my life would be again when I wouldn't have her in it.

"Hmmm, that's weird..." Lexi softly said.

I turned my attention back to her and was surprise to find her looking at me intently. "What?"

She was staring at me in a strange way, frowning, like she was seeing me for the first time. I kinda felt like I needed to cover myself or something. It was unsettling, but not necessarily in a bad way.

"I never noticed you had a scar there," she told me, pointing to the line under my eye.

"I'm going to use that you thought my name was Drake argument again, I think it's been a while since I've brought it up, " I told her, trying to break the spell she was putting on me just by looking at me.

"Ha ha, real funny" she said mockingly, "How did you get it?"

I couldn't look in her eyes and think about that night, and think about how low I had felt and how bad it had been and crashing my car and glass cutting my face and all the while Lexi had been clueless that she'd been the one throwing fire to the flame of my broken heart.

Heartless, no good to love, stinking dick... "Because I'm heartless..." I whispered as an answer.

"Am I supposed to understand that?" she asked.

"Why should you, right," I said, a little too bitterly.

And suddenly Lexi was frowning and giving me another weird once over.

"You know Pumpkin you should stop checking me out like that. I know I'm hot and all but you have to keep yourself in check sometimes," I said, trying to hide behind the mask of the jerk I was used to wear.

"At one point you'll get tired of being a jerk Blake..." Lexi told me.

Some moments I was sure Lexi couldn't see me. But others, just like these, I was sure she could see right through me, she could read me better than anyone else ever did.

Some moments I could dream that I was hers and she was mine.

"And how would you know that?" I asked her.

And with one of her smug little smiles she looked in my eyes and answered, "seen a documentary on it."

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A/N: Thanks to everyone who was patient and understanding while waiting for this chapter. I love you guys! <3 Just as a FYI, being patient and understanding makes me want to upload for you guys. Being impatient and demanding and not in a tactful way makes me want to start killing Eatons. 8D

I tried to break the pace of the story with this chapter. I've been mostly doing a play by play so far, but I just felt like doing this chapter like this was better. I hope it worked well for you too. :D And hey, doing it like that means that the good parts come faster. ;P

Thanks again for your patience. I will be uploading my next weekly schedule in my about me, in a message and on instagram (at kaygiard) tomorrow. 

In the meantime, if you want a fun story to read that's uploaded daily (and twice daily lately) go check out The Holt Conundum. Honestly, go read it. Eliah is boyfriend goals. ;P