Substitute Alchemist - Bleach X FMA Crossover [HAITUS]

Chapter 13 - Nightmare

Scar pov:

I cursed as I looked at my aching right arm, the seal of the Philosopher Stone given to me by my brother pulsing under the effects of recently absorbing alchemically created red stones. I was wounded on the torso and my thigh too, thanks to a run in with three strong State Alchemists over the past two weeks – one of them being the Glacier Alchemist – and I felt horrible. I wanted to lie down in some place where I wouldn't be found and get the rest my body craved for and needed for my wounds to heal quicker. But being a most wanted criminal in the busiest city of Amestris, I couldn't find or even hope to find a place where I could rest while letting my guard down.

I looked ahead through my dark glasses, trying to spot State Alchemists that I could kill. There were none in sight at the moment though and I relaxed slightly, reducing my pace of walking through the bustling market street. I turned into an alley a few moments later and sat down in a dark area while leaning back against the stone wall of a building. I took off my glasses and sighed deeply, glad for this momentary break.

I opened my eyes moments later as thoughts of the Glacier Alchemist filled my mind. During our fight several days ago, we had had a conversation that had not only annoyed me but, surprisingly, sparked something in the depths of my conscience. It was a feeling that made me doubt my actions momentarily and even when I thought about it now, I felt....unsettled.

She had asked me my reasons for constantly going after State Alchemists – she knew of the Ishval War but she wanted to know my reasons specifically. Perhaps she knew I was seeking revenge but wanted to hear me say it myself. She had probably hoped to hear a different reason, one that she could speak against and somehow try to convince me that I should stop. I had thought that no matter what she said, I wouldn't change my mind or my course of action. I would stay strong, for my sole purpose in life now was to avenge my clan and complete what my elder brother started when he was still alive.

But her response to my revenge was startling – she looked sad and pained, as if she understood how I felt from losing my family. She had told her Chimera partner to stop fighting, even though he was willing to push on despite being hurt by me quite a bit already, and she had tried to reason out with me by talking just as I had expected. She had spoken about the families of the State Alchemists I killed and how I was causing them pain just as the military had caused Ishvalans pain. She even had the gall to say that with the way I was living now and seeking revenge on every State Alchemist, whether they were involved in the Ishval War or not, I was no different from those that killed the people of my clan. I was blinded by rage and irrationality and killing people who didn't deserve to be killed. If anything, it was the Fuhrer and the higher ups of the military who had ordered the annihilation of Ishval and the State Alchemists had no choice but to follow orders – so it was wrong of me to go after them.

She even mentioned that she had met several people, State Alchemists and regular soldiers, who felt guilty and unhappy about the people they had had to put down because of orders. She hesitated to fight too, apparently, but upon hearing words of truth and strength from a fellow soldier, she had understood that sometimes we have to see beyond ourselves and our wishes and work for the greater good. Of course, she was talking about herself and those who had everything they wanted in their life.

How would a pampered brat like her know the pain of losing their only family unfairly? She had no business lecturing me and telling me what I should and shouldn't do. But I was surprised by one thing – when she sympathized with me for how much pain and suffering I must be going through because of the burden and the lives I carry on my shoulders.

Never before had anyone in the military, or even the remaining populace of the Ishval Clan, expressed such thoughts about me. I was seen as a cold hearted murderer, a man who was nothing more than a hollow, conscienceless existence who felt no guilt or remorse for walking down the dark bloody path while using forbidden techniques. Yes, I knew I caused pain to many people and would to many more in the future – my mind was filled with turbulent thoughts, my heart in deep unrest and the feeling of having no way out of this vicious routine I had forced myself into overwhelmed me sometimes. But it was my quest, my only reason for living....but this girl that suddenly turns up as a State Alchemist had so easily shattered my strong will.