All I Have To Give

A Mistake

I check my phone for what it seems like the twenty-eighth time and still no text from him..

Why isn't he responding? He's alway there for me. Did I really fuck up what we had?? Over a misunderstanding..

It wasn't what it seemed like, but it was too late.

There's a knock at my bedroom door as it opens momentarily "Happy Birthday Sweetheart" my mom says.

I give a big smile and push aside my rumination "Thanks ma". She pulls me into a warm hug and asks "When are you coming down for your cake and presents"?

Grabbing my phone I say "In a few, I something to finish." She nods and closes the door. The sound of her footsteps slowly fade.

I check one more time. Still nothing.

Come on Bri..

Without hesitation I dash down the stairs and past my birthday "party" with only a "I'll be back" to tide my family and friends over.

Racing past my car and down the driveway of my home, I go to my former place of refuge.

I decide against using the front door and instead tap on his bedroom window.

Depressively I call "Come on Brian." Still tapping "Talk to me". Nothing.

He's in there, probably laying on his bed trying to ignore me.

I can't let this ruin what we had..

"Brian, I know you're in there, just listen to what I have to say, please." Silence.

"A few weeks ago, I made one of the worst decisions of my life, but what you saw wasn't all that happened..You are the one person that could make me feel special. You let me be myself around you. I don't want to lose you and I know you still care. Please Brian, I'm so sorry."

My voice cracked on the last part. My 20th birthday and I'm perched outside my best friends window trying to apologize.

"I love you".

With that I decide to leave. For as long as I could remember we always spent our birthdays together even with our three year age difference.

As I try to carefully scoot down the garden ladder, I hear the sound of a car door close.

My mom most likely sent my friend Howie to check on me.

I say while trying not to fall "I'll be there in a second D."

No response. Great now he's pissed at me too.

"Did you really mean that?" A familiar voice asks.

My heart drops to my stomach and my legs start to feel like jelly. I step off the ladder to see Brian with a gift bag in his hand.

I start to stutter "Y-yeah".

There's an awkward silence before he says "I heard most of what you said, so was Justin just a slip up for you or are you really done with him?"

I blink truly unable to answer him. "Justin and I have--had history. I didn't mean to hurt you. What you saw--"

He cut me off then crossed his arms "Well you did". "Look I can't deal with this anymore. You've been breaking my heart for years and the only thing I want to do is love you."

I take a step forward "What are you talking about? If anything you've broken my heart! You've ghosted me for three weeks and that's the longest we haven't spoken to each other!"

Brian uncrosses his arms and puts the bag on the hood of his car.

I ask "If you love me why didn't you tell me??? I've spent years dealing with Justin and his bullshit and you never said a word about how you loved me. You only gave my advice and watched me get back together with him. You knew I liked you Bri"

He looked shocked by the last part and said "I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. You and Justin were together since Middle school.."

I interjected "And we've known each other since you were six".

Brian walked towards me "I felt like it wasn't my place to break you guys up. Nick was going to tell you, but Kevin stopped him. They all knew I how much I liked you. Seeing you kiss him just killed me, I was ready to tell you everything. But I just couldn't."

My heart sank.

"I thought you two broke up for the last time, so I was going to tell you. I tried to give you some time to think things through..."

I pulled him into a hug "Brian what you saw was a "goodbye" kiss, we weren't trying to get back together. Things were over between us. I should have just given him a handshake or something.."

We pulled apart and he spoke "I was going to tell you how I felt today, but when I saw you two I decided not to. I was still going to come by your house today, I'd never miss your birthday. I had to buy you a present."

I felt like I could breathe again "This was the most intense few weeks of my life, I thought I lost you forever.. AJ finally told me that you liked me last night and I just had to talk to you and let you know I felt the same."

Bri said softly "Of course he would. I wish I'd known how you felt sooner. Are we good now?".

I nod and pull him in for a hug as he kissed my cheek.

A car pulls up and honks the horn "Hey guys come on!!" Howie's behind the wheel with the other guys piled in the car.

Brian grabs the gift bag then my hand as we try to squeeze into D's car.

We head back to my house to celebrate my 20th birthday with my family, friends and boyfriend.