anxiety; trixya

eighteen

slight tw for this chapter, be safe loves x

katya was worried. it was unlike trixie to ignore a text message, she knew the girl was almost permanently attached to her phone. she also knew that trixie hated being late and missing things so it was unlike her to not turn up for the appointment.

katya was worried that maybe she had scared trixie off. maybe she had gone too far by leaving the girl a note, maybe it was too far even going to trixies house for coffee. she wracked her brains, wondering if there was something she could've done differently.

the shrill ring of her phone pulled her from her thoughts.

it was trixie.

relieved katya picked up the phone with a small grin and answered. "hey trix." she said. "hi, uh, it's me aja. trixie is in a really bad way and has locked herself in the bathroom. do you think you can come round and do something, we can't get her to come out." aja said, almost crying. "okay, okay. keep talking to her so you know she hasn't done anything stupid and i will be there as soon as possible." said katya and hung up.

katya left the office with no explanation, again, and rushed to her car. in no time she was outside the girls apartment and let herself in. "i think it's something to do with her dad." kim said, as she saw katya enter. "okay, maybe you two could go and get a cup of coffee and i will try and talk to her." katya said. the two girls agreed and left katya to try and get through to trixie.

"hi trixie it's me, katya." said katya, gently. "hi." the younger girl sniffled from the other side of the door. "is it okay if i come in?" katya asked. "i'm in the bath." trixie replied. "that's okay, maybe just cover yourself up a bit and i can come in?" katya almost pleaded. "okay." trixie mumbled. "you can come in." she said again and katya entered the small bathroom. katya entered and saw trixie, knees pulled into her chest, watching the tap run as the bath got fuller and fuller. katya sat down, her back against the door and observed and saw that only the hot tap was on.

"hey the bath is getting pretty full, why don't we turn it off?" katya asked. she could see trixies skin was bright red from how hot the bath was. trixie mumbled something katya didn't quite understand and turned off the bath. "what did you say trix?" katya asked, soothingly. "i'm cleansing myself." she whispered.

trixie felt stupid to say it but that's what she was doing. "what do you mean?" asked katya. "trying to rid myself of my fag thoughts." she replied. "i want to to wash it all away." she said. that's when katya noticed the large scratch marks up and down the girls legs and arms. it was like she had wanted to take off a layer of skin by very harshly washing herself.

katya wasn't sure what to do. she kept talking to trixie just trying to calm her down and she noticed something shift within the girl. "it's all your fault!" trixie spat. "what do you mean?" katya asked, slowly. "you, you came into my life and now you've given me all these new feelings and i hate it!" trixie shouted. "look trixie please just get out the bath, it's too hot for your skin, we can talk about this once you're out." katya said. trixie mumbled an okay in reply. katya help the young girl stand up and wrapped a big fluffy towel around her. she carefully helped trixie get out the bath and guided her to her room.

"do you want to talk now?" katya asked. "can i get dry first?" trixie sniffed. so katya gave trixie a clean pair of pyjamas and helped her to cover herself up. she then sat trixie down on the bed and carefully brushed and braided trixies blonde curls. once the braids were done, the two girls sat under trixies duvet and katya allowed the younger girl to cry on her shoulder.

"i'm sorry katya, it's not your fault. i-i just have a crush on you so i wanted someone to blame for the way i feel, for the way i am. i know it's not your fault that i'm gay, it's just the texts my dad sent me convinced me that it was wrong and against god so i just wanted to try and cleanse myself of all the gay thoughts." trixie cried.

"shh it's okay trixie, you have to promise me something though." katya said. "which is?" trixie mumbled. "you will try and go on anti-depressants and hopefully you won't have an episode like this again." katya said. "okay." trixie reluctantly agreed.

"katya?"

"yes?"

"do you mind i have a crush on you?" trixie asked. "no, i mean i have a crush on myself." she jokingly replied. "seriously though do you mind?" trixie said, her heart racing. "no, it's perfectly okay." said katya and lightly kissed the top of trixies head.

if this had been a different situation and at a different time katya would have probably told trixie her feelings too. but it wasn't appropriate right now, it didn't feel like the perfect time, so katya left it and just pulled trixie close. she whispered promises in trixies ear that she would stay until trixie fell asleep.