fucked up. || jenzie. [✔️]

chapter 24 - i love you, i never want you to leave.

||mackenzie||

day 15

i don't give a fuck what the date is.

i have started to count down now.

i was just told,

that i would die,

in 15 days.

see, life is a funny thing

life is a test.

life is a test you can't study for.

the test that you can't possibly prepare for.

i'm at the end of the test.

and i think i passed with flying colors.

i could hear my parents, maddie, squads.

most importantly,

johnny.

i could hear all of them.

crying,

crying because of me.

i don't know, i don't remember how many times i've heard people say time doesn't exist.

i've never thought about it but, when you're basically physically unable to leave a hospital bed, it makes you think.

think about the reason time exists.

nothing makes sense when there is no time.

i wanted to know, just how much time i have left.

how many months, days, hours, minutes, seconds i've spent in this place, on this bed.

there were many times where i would've run out and looked towards the sky and just gaze into it forever.

i never knew all the great things i've had in my life until the day i got diagnosed.

i didn't know how great life was, how lucky i was to be alive, to live.

--

how long was i going to be here?

are my friends and family prepared for what's going to happen?

how much money did my parents spend on me?

but i knew that these things soon wouldn't matter

--

Sometimes life throws so many curveballs at you.

I mean it's always something you wouldn't except or handle.

It's the kind that will make you freeze.

You'll feel like you can't move or breathe.

It's just something that won't change.

There seemed to be an infinite black hole left there.

No matter what, you won't be okay.

There's a portion of you that will stay completely and utterly empty.

Where your memories once lived, now live with others.

The ones that breathed the same air, taking your life, making it a part of theirs.

Everytime you remember what won't ever be in the future, a little part will die.

--