fucked up. || jenzie. [✔️]

Chapter 7 - she's gone.

Warning: contains some severe topics, depression, eating disorders, cutting, bullying.

||Johnny||

Monday

Where is Kenzie?

She's not in school today, and we just finished our exams, we're graduating on Friday, and I was hoping to see her and apologize to her.

I broke up with Nadia so I could finally tell her I love her more than a friend.

Did she leave already?

Did she leave me?

I search everywhere for her, nowhere to be found.

Nowhere.

"Hey mommy Mel, do you happen to know where Kenzie is?" I ask on the phone.

"Um... Yes and she doesn't want to be found, Johnny. You hurt her pretty bad. I may not be around, but I am still her mother, and we still talk." She says in a sad tone.

"Ok then... tell her I miss her," I say in a monotone

I am lost and confused without her.

I want to hold her close.

It takes one second to mess everything we had together up.

Where could she possibly be?

We applied to the same colleges, and I saw her mail, she got into UCLA with me, we were going to be roommates again. We could've gone through all the harsh things about college together.

We could have gone through them together.

I fucked up bad.

She left.

She said she would if I hurt her bad.

I hurt her. Bad.

She doesn't realize how much I love her.

Have you ever thought about her feelings? Don't you think she loves you as well? Don't you think the reason she left was that you guys were living together, "dating," and you cheated on her? With your ex?

That was true. I caused her pain and agony.

I love her with all of my heart, I would do anything for her.

What am I going to do with my life now?

I move and sit onto the chair, then I see something sticking out from under the bed.

It's a letter.

I knew she couldn't leave without leaving something.

I read it.

Dear Johnny,

If you're reading this. It means I have already left your life for good. We either hate each other now, or I hate you. Just to let you know. I applied to 3 different colleges when we were applying. I'm not telling you where or you will try to go and get me back, and find me, some cheesy shit.

Now I left I want you to go and live your life. Move on. I probably won't ever, and I'd die alone. There is one other reason I might have left. I love you, since we were children, one day when we were 14, you told your friends that I was the best friend, the lifelong support system. Since Lauren, was always annoying us and shipping us even though she was feeling unwell. I got friend-zoned and family-zoned by you. When we turned 16, I pushed all of the emotions and feelings I had down. So I could be there for you, be your rock, the person you trust most.

I did my job, but you didn't. Or at least be there for me when my sister left. You were there, next to me, but never listening, I cried my heart out in the bathroom, I pretended like you were always there for me. You were too blind to even realize that. When you have a problem, I am right next to you hugging you, watching Netflix with you, comforting you.