fucked up. || jenzie. [✔️]

Chapter 21 - i love you too, but.

||Mackenzie||

February 10th, 2024

Recap.

I'll have to face him sooner or later. Might as well be now.

"Fine." I tell him sternly.

"Let's talk."

Present.

"Look, I'm sorry okay? You've been my crush and best friend since forever. I didn't know the feelings you had for me, and you didn't know the feelings I had for you. We were somehow so blind towards each other about our feelings," johnny says.

He's not wrong. He's actually making sense.

"I know we were. I know. We loved each other and thought the other didn't. And now, I'm facing death. I'm dying, Johnny. If we were ever meant to be together would've been together already. As much as I love you, we may never be together," I say as a tear falls down onto the hospital sheets.

"Kenzie, just trust me, and well get through this together okay? Just give me a chance, stop letting other people convince you that I'm just trying to make fun of you or something." Johnny says pleadingly.

"You look happier without me. I saw you walk into a cafe with another girl, she said something that made your smile twice as wide. You looked happier, you do. Nobody hurt you like I did, nobody hurt me like you did. I won't take it personal. I love you, but if you're moving on to someone new I'll support you all the way. You really just look happier. Everyone told me that I'll feel it one day. Until then I'll smile and hide the truth, but you know I was happier with you. Everything reminds me of you, the only thing that didn't was this hospital. Johnny I'm still in love with you. I guess I was happier with you. But you didn't feel the same. Maybe one day, I'll fall in love with someone new, i knew one day you'd fall for someone do," I say barely above a whisper almost sobbing as tears flowed down my face like a waterfall.

Johnny was also crying at this point, his beautiful long eyelashes were clumpy and wet, his soft pink cheeks were stained with tears.

"I wasn't doing anything with her. We're just friends. I want to be with you." Johnny says softly.

"I've been dreaming about you from time to time, I don't wanna see you cry. I wanna see you smile. I want to see you, Johnny Orlando smiling. I wanna turn your skies from gray to blue. Take a picture of us, and save it for a rainy day. So smile. I wanna make you smile." I say looking into his beautiful eyes with a small smile hanging on my face.

"I wanna see you smile too, I wanna be the one to make you smile." He says with his cheeks still stained with slightly dried tears having a small smile on his flawless face.

"We live hard but we love to laugh, we won't forget what we had. Nothing can change that, nothing can make us forget what we had. It doesn't matter where we'll be, we'll always find a way back to each other. We're still going to be raising our cups to the same old thing. Nothing will ever change us. It doesn't matter where we go, we always find a way back to each other," I tell him with some confidence that it's how we'll end up.

"I'm falling back to strangers. I replay the messages that you left at the tone last May, slowly wishing you were never mine. Loving you is a sort of danger. I'm hanging on the edge. I told you I'd be down forever, it's old news, but still true." I continue.

Johnny looks speechless.

He's actually speechless.

"I'll tell you a story before it tells itself, if I lay out all the reasons, people will say I need help. We've all got expectations but sometimes they go wrong. You're the one that I want, but you know that, for to happen, the chances are slim. Everyone tells me to think with my head, not that thing in my chest. But no one listens to me, except you," I tell him, I'm not done though, and he can tell.

"I'm not done changing. I may be old and I may be young, but I am not done changing. Some of us stopped running, some of us went home. Friends are behind their fences, looking at me strange, they're there wondering when I'm going to come to my senses. But, I'm still changing, and I can't change my ways. Everything's saying 'follow your heat until it tears you apart' but hearts keep changing," I tell him. I'm pouring my heart out right now and I don't even know.

"I-I just want you to give me a chance, to be here for you. I wanna see you smile. It's the things you do, I wanna make you smile," Johnny tells me with a small smile.

"I see you're still sweet as ever Johnny, but don't copy me" I say with a small laugh.

I wanna see you smile.

You wanna see me smile.

Smile.

The worst is yet to come.

A/N:

(863 words without authors note)

I'm sorry this took forever but as you can see I have a new book. 

I promise there won't be another time jump.

I can't promise that I won't kill Kenzie in this book though.

Sorry it's so fucking short.

I'm about to die because of the amount of homework I have and the number of tests and quizzes that I have.

Hope you enjoyed it!!! 

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