fucked up. || jenzie. [✔️]

Chapter 20 - I.

||Mackenzie||

February 10th, 2024

Recap

"Thank you guys so much, I really hope none of my friends, parents, or sister have a fucking big mouth and post about it, or spill it to Johnny. If he finds out he's not going to give me the time of day," I say chuckling a bit.

"You're damn right I won't," I hear the husky, out of breath voice say.

Fuck. My. Life.

"Uhhhhhhh. I-I..." I stutter.

Fuck.

What am I going to do.

Present

"I-I-uh-um" I stuttered again.

"How the fuck could you not tell me that you got diagnosed with Stage III lung cancer? You should have told me the day you got diagnosed. The moment you got diagnosed. I should've been one of the first people to know or at least call," Johnny said while soaking wet.

Did I forget to mention it's pouring outside? He also looks like he ran here, but I don't know.

"I didn't tell you for a reason Johnny. You were out on a date with my best friend and I couldn't ruin that for you or Emily if I told you about it," I mutter.

Kara, Leo, Emma, and Dash were all just looking at me with a 'this is Johnny huh, should we step up? Kick him out?' Kind of look.

I give them a 'it's okay, just sit and listen' look because I think Johnny can tell I was comfortable around them until he came in.

"How did you even find out anyway, I didn't post, I told everyone that knew to not tell anyone. How did you even-" I stop myself and mentally facepalm as I close my eyes in reality.

My idiotic parents told Johnny's parents, and they asked Johnny about it, fuck my life ugh.

"Your parents told you if I'm making a correct assumption?" I ask him in a very annoyed tone.

"Yes, they did, they called me to ask about you since your parents were in tears when they told them," Johnny tells me.

"Look it's okay, just go enjoy your relationship with Emily, don't worry about me, I'm getting my chemo, I'll be fine," I try to convince him, maybe myself too.

I don't know anymore, our relationship has gotten to the point where I can't even tell him about my worries or insecurities, and shit like that.

"No, I'm not going to listen to you anymore, I listened to you when you told me to go away, when you told me to distance myself from you. I listened to you every damn time and nothing good happened from it. Not once, it may have been better for me, but not for you. You were in depression for fucks sake, and I didn't even know about it until that fucking letter you wrote me when you left me, for 5 years. We've been distanced from each other for so fucking long that you can barely trust me anymore. I remember how we were before I made that stupid mistake with Nadia. I remember how you told me about everything in your life. I remember. I remember every promise I made you, I including the one I broke. The one that broke us. The one that broke you. The one that broke me." Johnny tells me with pain laced in his voice, and a small tear running down his already soaking wet cheek.

"Are you blaming me for this? For all this shit that happened between us? Is that what I'm hearing? Is that what you're saying? This entire fucking thing that happened between us and Nadia? Her torturing me? Making my high school years complete shit? What's the fucking point of me forgiving you and us becoming friends again and you're going to blame all the shit that's happened on me?" I practically yell at Johnny.

I can see everyone looking at me shocked and Johnny looking hurt with even more years running down his face.

I might be dying, but I still might never forgive hm either way.

I love him.

But he doesn't have to know that.

"Look, how about you guys both take some time to calm down a bit before this conversation starts again ?" Leo suggests.

Bad idea buddy. Not when Johnny's hurt.

"Who do you think you are to tell me what to fucking do?" Johnny says with anger laced in his voice.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Chill man, I'm just trying to make sure Y'all can talk this through later, but not like this or now," Leo says innocently.

Johnny's eyes go from those gorgeous ocean eyes to gray in one second.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fucking damnit.

I have to stop Johnny.

"Johnny, stop, Leo's right, if there any chance of us talking it out later, you need to go chill down," I tell him sternly. As I know this wouldn't end well.

He storms out.

I turn to everyone and just give them an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry about the way he is," I apologize.

"Don't be sorry; he's a jackass" Emma says with a small smile.

"I agree with Emma; he's a fucking jackass. But, I can tell that he can be the best boyfriend ever, I see why you love him," Kara tells me understandingly.

Who knew she could be one of the best people you might ever meet.

"Kara, I've known you for less than 1 hour, and I feel like your one of my best friends already. I don't know where my girlfriends are, but I'm sure they'd love you, IF you greet them nicely," I tell her as I give the "do if or you'll regret it later" look.

"But, but that's what makes me, me. Like my bitchy cheerleader side is what people's first impressions of me are going to be like." she says with a small pout.

"It's true, she was about the rudest person ever when I first met her," Leo adds on.

"Hey! Watch it," Kara looks towards Leo and gives him a glare.

"But you still love me," Leo says with a smirk.

Kara blushes. oh my lord. she likes him.

"Yeah right, shut up." Kara looks away with the cutest blush and pout ever.

We keep chatting and laughing. Without realizing it, an hour had passed.

There was a knock at the door. 

I knew who it was.

I just don't know if I'm ready to face him.

"Come in," I say. 

"Can we talk now?" Johnny asks.

"Alone?" He adds on.

Fuck. My. Life. Whyyyyy.

I'll have to face him sooner or later. Might as well be now.

"Fine." I tell him sternly.

"Let's talk."

A/N:
(1111 words no A/N)

This is about the shittiest chapter I've written. btw I wrote this in the shower so don't judge me.

Update schedule: sat-sun

This week: sat-mon because it's moon festival.

Pls vote and comment. It gives me motivation to write more often.

Or follow.

8 tests/quizzes this week.
I love my life sooo much *note sarcasm

Ok bye 👋 babies.

Did not read through btw. So if u see any comment it and I'll edit. 

Hope it was okay.