Found

Falling

Sorry for my absence, I've been to Amsterdam. I just want you guys that I have been slowly rewriting 'Looking', so if you want to go re-read the first couple chapters, you hopefully won't need to cringe. Anyway onto the Chapter. Byee! *Clap**Clap*

I lent backward, the soft sofa cushions somewhat drowning me, comforting me after a long show. We were a week into Fireflies and it was the best week I had ever known - something calming washed over me whenever I sang in front of that audience. It was as if Aaron was there, his hand touching my shoulder as Julia crumpled to the ground, but vanishing as the lights blacked out. 

Every time, the fake tears that I conjured up would mask the one tear that fell for him. The curtain would fall but I would make no move to stand up and go backstage. I always waited, to see if Aaron's ghost would reappear in the darkness behind me. But every time he would never come back. He was only alive for a split second. 

I thought he was truly there once. Hidden in between the faces of the people who waited by the stage door. I caught his eye immediately, and I didn't break it. I couldn't. I walked towards him, my brows furrowed. I really thought he was there. But a tap on my shoulder reminded me he was gone. I should have known better than to get ahead on myself, to believe in the fairytale that he might return. 

I didn't sign any playbills that night. I broke down in front of them all, not a care for their judgment. Aaron was gone and every second was a painstaking reminder that he was gone. Taken from us.

Sky had run up to me, dropping a sharpie as he went. He picked me up off the stone floor, cradling my head as I wept into his shoulder. I don't remember much more, the world around me blurred as I mourned my lost friend. I couldn't learn how to forget him, to take him out of my life. That would be impossible. I only remember the sinking feeling in my stomach. The reality that he was gone had hit me hard and I began to fall. 

The front door slammed, my deshelled Dad walking through the door. I rocked my head back, grinning as he collapsed over the back off the sofa, face planting into the cushions. 

"Long day?" I asked. 

He didn't reply, he just made inaudible muffles that sounded a lot like screaming. 

"Mood." 

"You got that right." Both our heads snapped up surprised, to see Josh sat in the corner, Dad's glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, reading Pride and Prejudice. 

"What the hell are you doing?" I questioned, laughing slightly at the odd sight of Josh acting somewhat intellectually. 

"I - I don't actually remember," He said, closing in the book. The smile didn't last long. 

"That's okay buddy." Dad smiled at him weakly, standing up and dropping the bag that was slung over his shoulder on the floor and walking into the kitchen. Josh stood up, presumably to follow him but fell, crashing to the floor. 

I shot off the sofa, hovering over him to help him up. "Are you okay?"

He steadied himself, glancing quickly up at Dad (who had just rushed out of the kitchen) with an expression I couldn't decipher before giving me a smile. A very fake smile. "I'm fine Gracie, why don't you go to bed, you look tired."

I scrunched my nose up at the idea, but a stern look from both of them gave me enough incentive to go to bed. "Good night."

"Night Gracie," Josh grinned, kissing me a kiss of the forehead. 

"Night Grace, I'll be in a sec," Dad nodded towards my room. 

I dragged my feet towards my room, closing the door with a deafening creak. I leaned against the cold, painted wood, staring at my still room. Sighing I pushed off my door, shuffling towards the open window on the other side. 

Despite the shivers, I stuck my head out of the window, letting the winter chill disguise any blunder surrounding my thoughts. I breathed in the air, letting it fill my lungs. I'd hoped it would numb the pain that I felt, towards Aaron, Josh and anything in this damned world. But I couldn't stay out long enough. 

"You know you might get frostbite if you do that for too long," the voice said from behind me. 

I turned around to see my mum standing with her arms across her chest, her weight on one leg. I scoffed, "I wasn't out that long."

She chuckled slightly, shaking her head. "Your dad sent you to bed 10 minutes ago." 

I looked down, climbing down from the window ledge. "Oh, he said he'd come in."

Her smile that was etched across on her face slipped slightly, and she refused to make eye contact with me, even though I tried to make her look at me. I wanted the truth from her because I am tired of people not telling me something because they think they're protecting me. 

Instead, she sighed, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. She patted the spot next to her, which I quickly took, hoping to get some answers for everyone's strange behaviour. She waited a few seconds, before looking at me. "Your dad took Josh to the hospital."

"What?" I asked, standing up. 

She grabbed my hands, making me take my seat again. "He thought it was best, Josh has been falling over a lot lately and he just wanted to make sure everything was okay." 

I looked to the floor, my eyes scanning for an unknown object, even to me. I couldn't even keep my mind straight, it was searching for something to say, something to think about but nothing arrived for an explanation. 

"Grace, I think you should go to sleep."

"But-" 

"No, I will come and tell you if anything changes but you have a show tomorrow and you need rest."

I nodded, watching her leave the room. She was as nervous as I was, you could tell. She kept wiping her hands on her legs, hoping that they would get rid of the sweat. She always got sweaty hands when she was nervous, and now was no different.

Naturally, I didn't sleep that night. I waited all night for the voices to echo through the apartment, for the door to close with everyone safe. But they never did. Because this is my life, no one is ever alright, or safe. That's just how it goes. I just fall slowly.