Found

Broken & Fixed

Grace

"You know you shouldn't really sneak out." 

I started, abruptly turning around to face the person who had scared me. In front of me was a red-nosed Ben, his hands tucked deep inside of his coat pockets, his neck surrounded by the grey cotton hood of his coat protecting him from the winter that had fallen on New York. 

This was the third time this week I had snuck out of the apartment to go visit my brother. I needed time to breathe, to forget about life back home where I was being squeezed with pressure from every side. Suffocating me once more. 

Everyone had been busying around Josh. I wasn't there when he woke up, but I was back before they could calm him down. Josh isn't the same anymore. Not the same bubbly character who would keep quiet if something was wrong, who would always put people first. But now he can't. He wants to, but can't. His illness is eating him alive, shrowding his memory, concealing all the happy times with fog. 

He tries to stay chipper, always smiling when I see him. But I've seen him when I'm not around when he's with Ben and Lizzy. I don't want him to put on a mask for me, or for anyone for that matter. But Josh being Josh won't let how he feels put others down. 

Ben and Lizzy have a way of getting it out of him when they think I can't hear them. In actuality, my ears are pressed the door, my eyes pressed to the keyhole. He's broken. Everyone is trying to pick up the pieces, make his better for as long as they can, but he's still falling apart. And there are just some pieces that won't fit back into place. 

"I needed to breathe." I lied through my teeth. I don't enjoy lying, I've lied too many times in my twelve years on Earth but I don't want Ben to know the truth. Thomas hurt him beyond measure, more than he did to me - yet he's standing here staring down at his captor as if it wasn't affecting him. He can't know I've forgiven him. 

"Lier." Ben took a step closer to me, and to Thomas's grave. 

I turned around, breaking his eyes to stare at the words etched into the stone. Beloved  Son and Brother. Those words sting, burning my throat. But they speak the truth. I did love my brother, the brother he was before New York, before the fire. Before the pain. His pain. My pain. Our pain. 

Ben's arm wrapped around my shoulder, this gaze scanning the words written in the stone. "You know it's fine." He squeezed my shoulder, looking down on me. "I know you forgive him." 

"How?" My nose was congested with a cold or tears I don't know but it stifled the words longing to escape from my mouth. I sniffed, taking in the fresh air. I started back up at Ben, his face neither smiling or frowning just emotionless. 

"Because you're his sister, and this is the closest you've been to his grave since..." he trailed off, not wanting to relive the painful week the was trapped in my brother's tornado grip. 

"Then." I finished for him. 

He nodded solemnly, looking back at the gravestone. "I do too." 

My eyes widened my mouth slightly ajar with disbelief. He didn't look at me, he continued to stare at the gravestone. But he didn't let go of me. He just sucked in a breath, before exhaling through the mouth. 

"It hurt." He confessed, looking into the white sky. "It really hurt. But, but it's over now." He looked back down, softly laughing to himself. "I'm not going to let it hold me forever, and I'm glad you haven't either." 

I beamed up at him. "I'm glad Benji." 

He took my hand, leading me away from Thomas and to the bench, that I spent many a day sitting on, looking at him, not going near. I took a seat, but Ben didn't follow. Instead, he crouched down, coming down to my eye level, his oceans, and skies staring at my forests.

"You know Josh told me something." 

"What did he tell you?" I asked him, not looking anywhere but here. 

"He told me that you saw us as your dads." 

"Of course I do," I giggled, "You did adopt me." 

He chuckled softly, shaking his head slightly. "I mean he told me that you wanted to call us... you know, dad." 

I took a few breaths, softly smiling towards him. "Yeah, I did." I looked down at my feet, making patterns in the gravel path, not wanting to look at Ben any longer. He grabbed my hands, bring my attention back to him. 

"What do you say?" he questioned, my eyes beaming at me through his glasses. 

I made weird shapes with my mouth, suddenly awkward to be in his presence. I hadn't called him dad sooner because I didn't know if he was ready. I didn't know if I was ready. I wanted my parents back, but I knew I couldn't get them back. And, there was something burning deep inside my bones, something telling me to let Ben in, to let Lizzy in, to let Josh in. It was as if my parents were willing me one, they were letting me step away from them and be looked after again. 

"Can I be your dad Grace?" Ben asked, making the flame in my bones burn brighter. 

I nodded slightly, whispering, "Yes. I want you to be my dad." 

He smiled, pulling me off the bench into his arms, my feet lifting off the floor as if I were floating through the air. A sudden pressure was lifted, one I only noticed was there until it was gone. I wanted this, and it took forgiving Thomas and letting go of my parents to finally be free once again. I was glad. I was really glad it was gone. 

I can finally live again.