Drunken Lady (R18)

42

Liah

I was standing on the green grass staring at my toes. Letting the wind wave my hair and white dress. My eyes automatically welled thinking of my mother's beautiful face as she smiles at me. I missed her so much.. I bent down and place the flowers beside her tomb and lit the candle. It has been 11 years since she passed and it still feels like yesterday. If there's someone I wanted to hug right now it will be her. I wanted her to be with me all the time but God took her back too early. I know she's in great place but it still hurts a lot.

"Babe, are you all right?" Ian asked kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. He's behind me, sinamahan niya ako sa puntod ni mama. It has been my tradition to stay the whole day every all saint's day sa cemetery. Sabi kasi ni lola when I stay longer my mom will not lost her way back to paradise. The candle that I light for her will guide her through the garden in heaven. Umupo siya sa tabi ko dahilan at tumungo ako. Bakit parang kahit gaano ako kasuccessful ngayon some piece of me is still missing. I don't feel whole even with Ian beside me. I miss my mom so bad. Napahagulgol ako.. Ian hug my tight and yes it brings comfort but that's only it.

"It's gonna be all right, babe." trying his best to amend the pain but its not enough. I still feel alone.

"I feel lonely.." i trailed.

"I understand how you feel, baby. I've been there." na lalong nagpabigat ng nararamdaman ko dahil yung mommy niya buhay pa. My mom, she's never coming back.

"You'll be okay." he added.

"I don't think I'll ever be." biglang nag-iba ang expression niya. I know that hurts him but still he tried to force a smile.

"I am here. I won't leave you, never again." he explained. "Andiyan din sina Max and Pandy.. and your dad.." yeah right! My dad! I haven't heard from him for years. Hindi ko pinansin at itinuon ko nalang ang pansin sa kandilang unti-unting nauupos.

"Liah,, don't you think its time to make up with your dad?" he asked. That's a pang in my chest. Parang umakyat ang dugo ko sa bumbunan ko and I lost control of my emotions.

"Do you know what your saying? Pinabayaan niya ako. Nabaliw siya sa bagong asawa niya! He was so damn selfish and I never felt like I have a father ever since I was born. See! I went missing for years but he never have tried to look for me!" magsasalita pa sana siya but I cut him off. "Don't ever try to bring that up again." and he got it. He kept mum about it.

Yes, it might be the reason why I feel empty because I was never raised by a father. I thank him for the life he gave me but I loathe him. I was on my own since my mom died. He gave me home and get a new girl to be my mom but she's not human she's a witch. A gold digger. I despise both of them. I don't even want to think about them anymore.

Hiniling ko kay Ian na iwan nalang kami ni Lola sa cemetery, dahil ayoko muna mag-isip ng kung ano-ano. We're suppose to eat dinner at his place. Matagal na niya akong kinukulit about meeting her mom but I am not yet ready for it.

My day went well dahil kay Lola. We're just so happy spending the time together and reminise our time when I was still a little kid. She's my go-to person when I needed comfort since I can remember and that is still the case til now.

After the long day at the cemetery niyaya niya akong umuwi sa bahay niya. Nandito kami ngayon sa Pampanga kaya malapit lang kami sa bahay niya. Ipinagluto niya ako ng sinigang na baboy all time favorite ko and sweet and spicy shrimp.

Doon narin ako natulog sa dati kong kwarto. Walang nagbago sa room ko, malinis at namaintain ng maayos. Pati mga damit kong naiwan ganun parin sila. Tinawagan ko nalang si Ian na sunduin niya ako bukas dito.