Choose Me

Scatterbrained

*Lena*

I told her I love you. And I meant it as in I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. But how does that work? How do I move forward knowing that I'm being very dishonest with Amber, and I had promised to never ever break her heart and cheat on her like Jenna did...

This guilt alone is enough to drive me mad, and I wake up every single morning and look at Amber, knowing I broke my promise to her. This was the one thing that would kill her. This is the one thing I swore never to do, yet when Stef kissed me? All of my morals and rules and promises went out the damn window. I look at myself in the mirror and don't recognize my complexion.

As I go about my days, I'm reminded that Stef will be moving to Sacramento come the first of the year, and were no closer to having resolved any of this. And honestly, it is all on me. I have a tiny inclination that I can stop her. But what's holding me back?

I walk up the steps to Ambers and my little cape cod as I remove my garden gloves. I had just spent the afternoon taking the leaves and piling them into garbage bags while Amber was at her office working with clients...on a Saturday. Mind you, this has been our life for years now, and I thought it worked for me. But my days have become lonelier by the minute as I realize I'm not getting any younger.

Talk of having kids comes up every once in a while, only to be shoved on the back burner. And if I'm totally honest about that, it's beginning to upset me quite a bit. When Amber and I first met, that's all we talked about: starting a family. And we'd lay in bed and dream together after having made love for hours. But lately, when I dare to bring it up, she waves her hand telling me that we can discuss this later. That she has a deadline she has to meet. And I let it go.

Opening the fridge, I groan as I once again realize that I forgot to go grocery shopping. Even though I had meticulously made a list, I still skipped over it and spent more time on the lawn than intended. I jerk the nearest cupboard door open and take down a glass, filling it with sink water as I look outside my small kitchen window only to see the wind whipping up once more, scattering tons of leaves everywhere, making it look as if I did nothing with my day.

"Oh my GOD!" I immediately toss my cup a little too hard into the sink as the glass shatters everywhere making me burst into tears. As I frantically clean it up, I decide to throw my hair up in a messy bun and head out for takeout and a giant bottle of wine. At the point I couldn't care less if Amber bitches about the yard or the fact dinner isn't on the stove. Since she has yet to call me, she can fend for herself.

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*Stef*

"Beef and broccoli and a small order of crab rangoon, please."

I peer over my newspaper as I hear her familiar voice ordering and spot her by the counter, gray sweats, ugg boots, a much too large maroon hoodie and as usual, her soft curls on top of her head. My heart begins pattering as I smile as set my paper down. I wait until she pays before whistling, making her turn my way. She squints at first before she realizes who it is, and then abruptly walks my way, a tint of pink across the apples of her cheeks.

"Stef? What are you doing here?"

I grin widely as I raise my bottle of Sams. "Well, you know, I'm out on the town on the blustery Saturday night. Where's Amber?" I could kick myself for asking her. Where's Amber? Really, Stef? Out of ALL of the questions in the world, you choose this one?

"She's working late," she clears her throat as she sits in the seat across from me in this tiny, wooden booth. "So, Chinese it is! You know how she hates her Chinese food!" She laughs awkwardly as she folds her receipt and pulls out her wallet to place it in the sleeve.

I lift the cold glass to my lips and take a swig. "Still balancing your checkbook, eh?" I tease her and smile as her face turns redder. Lena has always been super organized whereas I am the one who depends on a receipt from the ATM to let me know my weekly balances.

"Beef and broccoli wit order uh rangoon?"

We both look up at the small Asian man who is holding up Lena's order in a brown, paper bag. "Yes!" She quickly stands and takes it from him. "Thank you so much!" He just nods and walks off leaving us alone once more.

She reaches in her front hoodie pocket and retrieved her car keys. "Why don't you come over? I have a couple bottles of wine in the Jeep and I think Amber has some new caramel vodka. So I could make you a mixed drink instead if you wanted..."

The invitation is more appealing than sitting in my half barren, packed up apartment and sipping beer while watching college football like I usually do. I stand and throw down a couple bills and take the paper bag from her.

"That sounds lovely, cutie." I wink at her and as we both walk towards her car, I can feel the sexual energy between us all over again...as if once wasn't enough. I knew that once wasn't enough after the last time she made me cum before I dressed for work that morning. But I had pushed it away again and again.

Now that I'm a tad bit buzzed, it's not going away. And as I lean in, setting my hands on her window seal as she starts her Jeep, a whiff of earth and leaves and faint lavender lotion engulfs me.

"I'll see you at your house, sweet girl. Drive safely!" I tap the side of her Jeep as I walk towards my car, my heart beating even more than ever. What the hell are we doing? Why are we making this more complicated than it has to be?

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**Uh-ohhhhhhhh...**