Lost and Found || Punk H.S

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Andrea's P.O.V

I know this cannot fix everything. If Dylan is suspended or expelled he's only going to be angrier. If he goes jail I know he'll come back for us both the second he's released. Maybe now that's legally an adult, his sentence would be worse. I'm sure it won't be that extreme but I've no time to worry about this. I'm still determined to make this a good day for the both of us.

"Can I have your flannel now," I whine smiling up at my perfect boyfriend. He laughs and hands his black and white to me. "Yes," I over exaggerate my movements, holding it in the air above my head in triumph.

My work pays off, Harry doubling over in laughter. We have about twenty minutes left until our first class starts. I have no clue why we always arrive so early but I don't think Harry does either. We walk around the hallways and I haven't seen Dylan all morning.

"So you really don't remember Luke or Ashton at all," Harry asks when I pull out my phone. Ray texted me saying that she and Niall were going to be late. I don't even want to think about why but I'm sure I know. I tell her it's fine and she apologises once again. Even when I assure her that I'm with Harry, she still worries and I love her for it.

"Yeah not at all, you would think hearing their voices would do something but I guess not," I sigh. I have too many thoughts on my mind, my medication is kicking in. Its mortifying what this medication is actually doing to my mind. I can control this though, I don't need to go to the hospital and I don't need Harry to worry. Thoughts of death, love, love, and hate fill every corner of my mind, never finding rest. I find that my eyes move rapidly at times, trying to decipher and sort my thoughts. Getting one solid thoughts from my mind is nearly impossible. My head pounds all day. I feel dizzy most of the time.

But I have to play it all off. They are only temporary side effects and it will begin to help me soon. They promised.

This morning I cried when I looked at my reflection. Harry didn't notice, I put on makeup. My body is sore to the point in giving up, not being able to carry on. My mind is making me tired, I only want to sleep so I can't think anymore. The heart inside my body is sore, aching really. It gets lost in my mind too, but I can't let Harry know, because he is the only thing that can pull me out of it. Seeing him next to me pauses the thoughts, and I appreciate the millisecond of relief each time.

"Well we've all grown quite a bit my princess. Don't be so hard on yourself. They'll want to see you once they know."

"Harry," I stare straight forward as we walk. My mind has side-tracked once again, like it does every single second. It's as if all of my thoughts are running into each other, leaving me with nothing but emptiness.

"Yes love," I can hear the concern in his voice, I've heard it too many times before.

"I've gone insane Hazza," I don't want to hold this to myself. I don't want my mind to become anymore of a personal hell hole than it already is. "No no no love," I feel his arms but he isn't in my sight. I've lost my Harry. I feel the tears well up in my eyes and I make no movement to wipe them.

"Does it hurt to die, or is it ultimate happiness. Maybe we've never experienced such pain and sorrow in our human lives because that is what death is. Pain. But I can no longer believe that. We've been through such great pain. But maybe it's the ultimate happiness. A happy that no one on earth has felt because one has to die to feel it. Maybe that's why almost no one is happy. But I can't believe that either Harry. You know why? Because when I look at you, I see that ultimate happiness. Nothing could be clearer. Love is my ultimate happiness because I spent those four years knowing that no one would ever fall in love with me. So since I have you, my love, my happiness, and I've experienced such great pain, what is my death supposed to be? It should be one way or the other but with me Harry, I don't know what it will be. Maybe it will be the nothingness filled with the everything that is running laps through my brain right now. Or the peace that I know I cannot reach when I'm not looking at you Harry. You are my sanity Harry I swear it. Just don't send me back there. I can't deal with these thoughts, I don't even know what have of them are. I'm losing myself but I know I can't lose all of myself because you have most of me. So I just have too many thoughts, too many curiosities. And I'll be okay I promise as long as you're here. Please don't send me away," I'm sobbing by the time I've released the only thoughts in my mind that I can comprehend.

I don't want Harry to send me away, every word I spoke was true. My fragile mind seems to be failing me but I refuse to fail Harry. "I love you more than life and death Harry." My whisper seems to echo through my mind as I fall into Harry's arms.

"I love you more than the stars and the moon love the sun's reflection my beautiful princess. I would never even dream of sending you away. You are my sanity as well and I know that together we will be perfectly fine. We'll make it through this faster than you can say 'Damn Harry Styles is fine' I promise you."

His statement makes me laugh into his chest thank goodness. I love this boy so much it's indescribable. Screw my busted lip.

My lips attach to Harry's pink lips and slowly move together. Minutes fly by and soon the school bell pulls us apart. "I've been wanting to do that for too long," Harry kisses my forehead. "Same," I breath out, not really being able to form my words right. Now it's time for that good day I swore we'd have.

**a/n this is really short and weird and ugh but I hope you liked it! I'm trying to update as much as possible, school starts on Thursday. I'll do my best to keep my updates on time.

Much love xx

~A.L**