Lost and Found || Punk H.S

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

(Serious trigger warning)

Harry's P.O.V

Andrea's health tests went by quickly. I would've punched the doctor for touching her chest but she was holding my hand and frankly, I'm still too weak to do so. He says she physically fine, but on top of watching her physical health he saw her scars and wants to keep an eye on her mental health like they're doing for me.

She doesn't deserve to be put through this. Sure I'd love for her to be helped, but I felt I was doing quite a good job. She only harmed herself those four years I was gone and now I'm back, I've been back for weeks.

"Mr. Styles I apologise but you will have to go down to the mental ward where your room is to take your daily tests while Andrea is given hers." Of course I argued, I didn't want Andrea to go through this alone, and I sure as hell didn't want to either. I huff as he helps me back into my wheel chair and Louis comes in to wheel me back down.

"Louis she shouldn't go through that alone." I cross my arms with difficulty. "I know Harry but no visitors are allowed for either of you. We can't do anything about it. I'm really sorry I can't do anything for either of you right now, it makes me feel like shit."

"I know how you feel mate. But I understand, it's not your fault." My voice was extremely monotone, no emotion. "Harry you're gonna make it through this, both of you."

His words never registered in my mind. I could feel my face lose all emotion as I dreaded what was ahead of me.

*** 1 hour later ***

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck.

My mind is reeling, I can't lay out my thoughts. If my mind was a virgin before that I'd say it is now thoroughly fucked. I feel no emotion within myself, everything within me being drained completely but stocked up all at the same time.

The questions, the mental torture, was nothing I've ever experienced in my life. I repeat the doctor's words in my hundreds of thoughts.

"Harry son you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, manic depression, anxiety, you're obviously on the list for suicidal tendencies, and maybe a bit of anorexia problems as well. If I'm being honest you've really lost yourself son, but that's nothing you can't find. Your relationship with miss Rose seems to be based a lot on past feelings but I feel those feelings are still very much alive within both of you. We will discuss treatment after I get you fully diagnosed, most likely tomorrow morning. Get some rest."

How am I supposed to sleep. The flashbacks of Andrea's beaten figure, my father's death, my screw ups from the past three years, and everything else that's ever happened to me, swim in the waters of my mind. I don't know if it's just me hallucinating, but I feel like I can't breath.

Andrea can't be feeling like this right now. It's unholy. As gory as it is all I want to do right now is slice away these thoughts from my skin. I want the feeling out of me and I know how to do it.

Louis had brought my suitcase when I got here. Four years ago I stitched a blade inside every bag that I owned, and some of my skinny jeans. Insane I know, but worth it at the moment, yes. I barely get the bag off of the floor for long enough to rip out the small blade.

I etch very thought into my arm, not really thinking of how much I'm bleeding at the moment. I won't kill myself, I can't kill myself. I have Andrea and I love her more than anything and I always want to be with her. But this is helping, it has to, it always did. Tears are streaming down my face and the nurses must think screams are normal here or something.

I've been screaming for so long my throat hurts. I've gone mental from my own thoughts I know it. The blade rips faster up the length of my forearm, not covered in tattoos. Cries of pure agony rip out of my throat but I don't stop because my thoughts haven't stopped yet. My heart monitor is racing beyond believe but I keep going, every inch of bare, un-tattooed skin is sliced on my arm before I move onto my legs. Holy shit I'm actually doing this. I cover my thighs by the time the heart monitor sounds like it's going to explode and a nurse runs in. I'm covered in my own blood and tears. She screams like a mad woman. Wow, she must be new here. I can't stop my crying until the world around me turns black.

**flashback**

"Harry stop," Andrea's laughs make it hard for me to understand what she's saying. I don't really want to stop. Seeing her smile like this and hearing her laugh this much swells my heart to impossible lengths. But I do as she wishes and stop, looking down at her from my straddling position.

"You're going to hurt your stomach," she whispers still smiling. "Fuck my stomach," I smirk at her and she blushes.

"You're such a dork," she kisses my nose. "Yeah but you love me," I sound like I'm teasing but we both know it's true as hell.

"Of course," she breathes out smiling. Her words hold so much love it fills my entirety. "And I," I kiss her nose. "Love you," I kiss her forehead. "So much more," I kiss her lips delicately.

"That's not even possible Hazza," she grabs my locket and kisses it. All the while she looks at me with admiring eyes. "You're my hero, no one could ever love someone as much as I love you. You are my everything Harry." Her confession flutters my heart and I kiss her once again.

"Careful babe, your writer is showing," I tease her. I know how much writing means to her, to both of us. We both hold multiple journals we wouldn't dare let the other read yet. In due time both of our lives without one another will be shared but neither of us are quite ready for that yet. There are times, well all the time, when she speaks with such articulation and philosophical thoughts that it baffles me. Her words leave me breathless every time she finds me worthy enough to bestow them upon me. That's one of the uncountable things that I adore and love about the woman underneath me at the moment.

"Yeah but you love me," she uses my own defence against me. "That I do, very much so," I kiss her once more before lying down next to her in our bed. She ducks under my arm and I pull her close to me.

She may think I am her hero, and I'm glad to be, but she has saved me as well. Andrea is my love. My sanity.

**end of flashback**

I wake up to the sun shining and Louis crying next to me. "Louis why are you crying," I ask tiredly.

His head snaps to me quickly, still crying. "Andrea she- she almost killed herself last night and so did you. She didn't mean to, she didn't mean for it to be that extensive. But did you?"

"Bring me to her now," I'm flipping shit right now inside but my face is still as emotionless as yesterday. "Not until you answer me Harry."

"No, I didn't want it to go that far, I didn't mean it. I didn't and don't want to die. I have all of you and I have the love of my life once again. Of course I didn't want to die but that shit of a doctor got into my head and I lost myself man."

Louis helps me wordlessly into my wheelchair after that. I feel relieved after getting that off my chest. My arm and thighs hurt like a bitch and even though I have the strength to stand, I know I couldn't with the pain in my legs.

I'm wheeled to Andrea's room where she silently cries. Niall is sitting at her beside, most likely watching her while Louis was in my room. "Harry," she cries out when she sees me. I get myself up beside her and hold her as much as my pained body will let me.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to," we both cry at the same time causing us to laugh sadly. We exchange I love you's before Louis speaks up.

"You're both transferring fucking hospitals," he clenches his jaw and we both fully agree. This place is fucked up.

**a/n I hope you enjoyed!!! Sorry this has taken a while! Don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts! It's storming like crazy here!

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. I do understand the seriousness and the feelings behind situations like these. xx

Much love xx

~A.L**