Under the Influence ✔

22.

"It's so nice to meet you! Axel has told me a lot about you - nothing too personal though, because that's none of my business. He just told me how you two sort of clicked at Willmore. He's been wondering how you've been doing for weeks and-"

"Okay, Kenny, calm down." Axel places a hand on his fiance's shoulder and looks at me, then Wes, "Sorry, she rambles sometimes." 

I extend my hand to McKenna, "It's nice to meet you too, Axel talked about you non stop while at Willmore."  Instead of shaking my hand, McKenna pulls me into a hug and surprisingly, I don't feel awkward or like I want to run. I have just met this girl and I already feel as if we're friends. 

It's hard to not be comfortable around McKenna, she's just so bubbly and nice that it's hard to not be in a good mood just by being around her. After a few more minutes of introductions and small talk, Wes and I follow them into the restaurant where we had agreed to meet for lunch. 

Axel's hand is placed gently on McKenna's back as they follow the hostess through the restaurant and past other couples and groups of friends that are enjoying an afternoon in each others company.  McKenna is chatting with the hostess, a conversation that I can't hear, but as I follow behind I watch as Axel watches his fiance - as if he's hanging on to every word she's saying, beaming at her when she turns to ask him a question, causing her to flash him a perfect, pearly white smile in return.

When I heard Axel talk about McKenna in all those group sessions, I used to think that he was crazy - delusional to think that one person could change him and have such a grand influence on his life. I thought the love he was describing and fighting for was all in his head, I didn't think it was real to have someone believe in you as much as he said McKenna believed in him. She sounded fake, made up, a figment of his imagination - the one thing that everyone in that place wanted - someone to be on their side and love them unconditionally, to support them and understand them. 

She's not fake though. 

McKenna Kizer is real and she's sitting in a booth across from me ordering a Diet Coke. She's pretty, like naturally pretty with no effort. Her hair has a natural wave to it and it doesn't seem that she made any attempt to tame it today, instead just letting it flow in whatever way it wants,  and there's no make up on her face, aside from the light coat of mascara on her long lashes. Her distressed jeans and simple over sized sweater paired with her Doc Marten boots make her look effortlessly fashionable and I can't help but look down at my own outfit in comparison. 

While I'm also wearing a pair of jeans and Doc Martens, I can't help wonder if my over sized sweater makes me look as if I'm sloppy and unable to dress myself instead of fashionable like McKenna. Does my crop top look unflattering? Should I have worn my hair down instead of pulled back into a low bun?

I feel Wes place his hand on my knee under the table and lightly squeeze. I repeat the words he told me weeks ago over and over again in my head before turning and giving him a reassuring smile. The only opinion that matters is mine. The only opinion that matters is mine. The only opinion that matters is mine. 

"So Luna, how have you been?"  Other than a quick hello outside before McKenna and Wes took over the conversation by introducing themselves, this is the first thing Axel has said to me since I arrived at Pelicans. 

Axel pretty much knows everything there is to know about me and my road to Willmore where we met. Whatever he didn't learn in group, he learned in the few days before my release, when I spilled my guts to him out of anger and confusion - angry and confused as to why my mother had shown up and forced me to live with the last person on Earth I wanted to see at the time once I was released.