Under the Influence ✔

16.

I hadn't looked at my phone since I scrolled through my Instagram feed and dropped it to the ground. It's funny how I used to always have my phone in my hand, flipping through social media apps and reading about things that I really didn't care about, or commenting on people's pictures as if I really wanted to "meet up soon." Now that I've been without it for so long, I don't know why I never deleted everything in the first place. 

When I press the unlock button I see that I have two missed calls from my mom and one from Bran, followed by a thread of texts from my best friend. Since Bran and I don't see each other often - due to her living in a different city and college taking up all of her free time, it wasn't possible for her to see the apparent changes happening to me over the past year. I kept up a good facade, I had everyone that didn't see me daily fooled. It wasn't Bran's fault that she didn't know, but yet she still blames herself. 

Maybe she could have helped me, maybe she could have talked some sense into me, maybe. I doubt it though. I didn't want help, and I would have just lashed out at her and possibly ending our friendship. 

"Are you going to post it?" Hailey looks over my shoulder to where my freshly manicured finger is hesitantly hanging over the app icon. Just like her brother, Hailey was easy to open up to and be myself around. As soon as I walked in to the salon, she wrapped me in a hug and told me how excited she was to finally meet me. 

I told her that I was excited to meet her too, but truthfully I didn't know Wes even had a sister. Apparently Hailey knows all about me though, and when Wes said his goodbyes before heading to the record store down the street, his sister launched into how Wes talks about me non stop. I don't know what she thinks is going on between her brother and I, but I don't correct her or stop her from rambling, because I like her - I like her easy going and bubbly personality. 

While Hailey played around with my hair, deciding to dye it a lighter blonde and cut inches upon inches off, she talked about how proud she was of Wes for turning his life around, and before I knew it, she was thanking me. "Wait, I didn't have anything to do with Wes getting clean." 

"What are you talking about? You had everything to do with it." Apparently the conversation had turned so serious that she had to put down her scissors and turn my swivel chair so that I was no face to face with her. 

"I didn't do anything." 

"It's not about what you did, Luna. It's about how you made him feel, how you made him take a step back and think. It's about what you did for him without even knowing that you were doing anything at all."

I tap the icon, and ignore the thread of posts from people I went to high school with littering the home screen. I hit the little plus sign icon at the bottom of the screen and select the picture Hailey had just taken of me after finishing up with my hair and make up. She had kept it simple, nothing glamorous of fancy, but just like I stared in the mirror hours before, I now stare at the picture on the phone, wondering if this is who I am - is this what Luna Hayes looks like? 

I no longer look like the shell of a person, but I'm not quite sure I recognize this girl either. "Do you think I should post it?" I ask Hailey, who is twirling a piece of my hair around her finger, admiring her work. 

"Definitely." 

"Okay, here goes." I add the caption and hit post before I can change my mind, then I sit my phone on the counter and tell myself I won't check the likes and comments compulsively. I don't care what other people think or have to say about my absence or new hair. Like Wes said, one opinion matters - mine. I just have to keep telling myself that.