The house was quiet for weeks. Even Lance kept his mouth shut. Keith's lessons were canceled and Allura stopped progress on Shiro's arm. Things were weird.
"Keith, we should pick our lessons back up." Allura mutters, dark circles heavy under her eyes.
"Yeah." Keith mumbles.
The lesson was slow and felt like it had been dragging on for hours. It had really only been 30 minutes.
Keith had really been missing the sound of the border collie yipping out in the yard. He really needed someone to talk to but he also wanted to close himself off even more.
Even thoughts from Lance weren't coming through. Keith had successfully blocked him out. His leg bounces as Allura drags on about ingredients.
That same suffocating feeling began to thrum through his body. In a sudden panic he begins to think to Lance.
Keith
Lance I dont know whats happening
Calm down
Youre going to be okay just relax
Take a deep breath
Keith allows the familiar's warm, ocean blue tendrils wrap around his mind. Filling his head with peace as he takes a deep breath.
What you're experiencing is anxiety
The other day was a panic attack
Talk to me
Please?
No.
Keith..
Keith sits there, feeling the tendrils prod at memories that had been open for him. Memories that weren't sensitive and blocked off by Keith's walls.
You aren't supposed to keep secrets from me, pendejo
There's no need to curse at me.
Well you are!
You're a pendejo!
Selfish asshole
Prick
Dickwad
Yeah and you're pompous
What
what does that mean
Means you're too big for your own pants asshole
Oh!
Like my dick size
No
God you're a fucking idiot
Irritating
Asshole
Think you fucking know everything.
Wow Keith keep going
You've got this whole degradee vibe going on right now
I'm enjoying it
You fucking disgust me
Keep going
I'm not gonna get roped into your sick fantasies of someone insulting you while you get off
I'm not getting off
Sure
Say what you have to say to make you feel better about yourself
The tendrils around my mind are a little excited might wanna pull those back
They are not!
Now quit distracting me
Awee Keith!
We were bonding, c'mon!
Keith ignores the thoughts Lance is pushing into his mind from those wonderful blue tendrils. Wanting to shove them out again but they were so calming.
It made him feel like he wasn't so alone. He focuses on the words tumbling from Allura's lips. Or tries to at least. He gets distracted thinking about the first day he had spent with Allura, Romelle, Bandor, and Coran.
It was nice. He had been adopted straight from an orphanage at the age of 15. He had been living with them for a total of 3 years, 4 next month.
Right after his adoption they went out to the field in the small town they lived in. Allura and Romelle had put together a small picnic.
It was sweet, but Keith was even more closed off than he was now. He picked at his food and didnt speak a word to anyone but Bandor. Bandor was 12 at the time, talkative and a sweetheart.
Keith would speak a couple words to him and absorb the ones Bandor was using. Keith had been alone for years, his mother went off to who knows what and his dad died while he was 8.
He was in and out of orphanages, in an out of foster homes. He had a bit of a discipline issue. He got into quite a bit of fights.
Keith suddenly remembered Lance could see what he was thinking about and he immediately closed the memory off. That was off limits, his memory. No one elses to see, touch, or hear. He wouldn't allow it.
Keith
No
Piss off
You let me in..
Fuck you
I did no such thing
And even if I did it wont happen again
Keith.
No
Just- get out of my head.
The tendrils retreat, no calmness. No more blue. No more ocean water running through his head.
Quiet, dark. His mind was racing with thoughts. Anxiety spiking once more.
"A-Allura?"
"Yes, Keith?"
"I can't- I can't focus can we pick this up tomorrow?"
"Oh thank god." Allura breathes a sigh of relief.
"Dont push yourself 'Lur." Keith sighs, getting up from the table in the study. He races to his room and sinks to the floor.
He missed Bandor. He missed the laughter of the reddish-brunette. He missed the yip of the border collie when they ran through the field. He missed his best friend.
Blue fills his mind again, he didn't even have to think at Lance. His breathing was erratic and he hadn't noticed he was sobbing.
Should I come in there?
Keith doesn't bother to reply. Memories of Bandor and Romelle flood his mind. Memories of a blurry faced woman. Memories of his father.
His walls were crashing down and there was nothing he could do. He felt the tendrils retreat, it was like they knew they weren't supposed to see those things.
The bathroom door connecting Keith and Lance's rooms open, Lance immediately scooping Keith into his arms.
Keith sobs and hiccups, face buried against Lance's shoulder. Fingers digging into his own thighs, he hated being this vulnerable.
Keith hated Lance seeing him like this. He hated all of these emotions flooding through his mind. He bites down hard on his lip, trying to stop the sobs.
He shakes in Lance's arms and allows himself to be held. What else was he to do? Ride this thing out until he cried himself to sleep?
He didn't want to deal with it alone but he also didnt want Lance to be the one to comfort him. Keith allows himself to cry it out, when he's done Lance excuses himself.
Keith crawls back into his bed, not bothering to change from his jeans and falls asleep. Skipping dinner, he couldn't face anyone.
He couldn't even face himself. At 3am he wakes up and stares at the ceiling for an hour before he falls back asleep. He builds that wall back up, no way was it going to crash again.
Flood gates shut tight, walls built high and strong. He'd stay hidden until he couldn't. Emotions like that just made you vulnerable. Keith couldn't handle being vulnerable, not now. Not at this time.
