kardashian | h.s.

fools gold

"well, come on, we can't miss the end of clueless." i led harry back out to the living room where kendall was watching the movie. "come on, you're gonna miss it!" she gestured for us to sit down so we did.

harry picked up robbie as we did so. he played with his ears, and made him dance. "you are such a dork." i laughed at him before grabbing the stuffed bunny from him and holding it in my arms again. harry just smiled at me and turned back to the movie.

"aw! i missed this!" kendall exclaimed suddenly once clueless had ended. "missed what?" i asked her. harry looked confused too. "this, the three of us, hanging out!" she gestured between all of us. "yeah, me too." i agreed. "yeah, i want food." harry stated. kendall and i laughed.

"way to ruin the moment, haz." i patted his shoulder. he just shrugged, "someone should get food, and i vote nicki." he pointed to my sister and her mouth dropped open, "why me?" harry shrugged again, "well, it can't be kaia, she's damaged, and i don't want to do it. so that leaves you, nick."

kendall glared at harry before asking what we wanted. we told her we wanted chinese. "wait, do you know what to get?" i called as she walked towards the door. "you think i don't know your orders by now? don't underestimate me, kj." she scoffed and then she was out of sight.

"we love you, kenny!" i called loudly after her when i heard the door open. "love you guys too." she bitterly responded as she shut the door behind her. then, it hit me that harry and i were alone. yes, we'd decided to be friends, but he was still my ex and i hadn't seen him in a year.

"so what have you been up to?" harry awkwardly asked me. "oh, you know..." i brushed off his question, not wanting to tell him that i'd spent the last two months drinking, and taking anything that would push my feelings of regret, missing him, sadness, and anger (towards myself) down.

"actually, i do. the doctor said they found ecstasy, and cocaine in your system? cocaine! whats going on with you, kaia?" harry blurted. i didn't know what to say at first, i wasn't expecting that from him. "i-uh-" i tried to argue.

"exactly. you don't even know. kendall says you've been going out every night, getting drunk and taking whatever drugs and shit you can find. why the fuck would you do that? do you see what happens when you do that shit?" he gestured to my broken and bruised body.

i felt tears threatening to escape my eyelids. "are you saying this is my fault?" i spoke quietly. so quietly, that i wasn't sure if he could even hear me. i guess he did though, cause his face softened immediately, "no, that not what i-" he started.

"cause maybe you're right, harry. maybe it is my fault. because i made the choice to get high. i made the choice to drink that night. and every other night for the past two months. and you know why i did it? because i needed something to numb the pain that i caused. i caused you pain, i caused me pain, and i needed something to make me forget what i had done. so i got as fucked up as i could, to where i couldn't even see straight. and you're right, look where it got me." i ranted, mostly keeping my tears in.

"kaia. that's not what i meant." harry said sternly. "well then what did you mean?" i asked him. "addiction is an issue and you can't blame yourself fo-" he started to preach but i wasn't having it. "oh, cut the bullshit, h. it's my fault and you know it. let's just drop it."

"kaia, i'm serio-"
"i said drop it."