Right In Front of Me

Chapter 26

"Miss Jacobs?" I hear. "Lauren?" I hear again and snap my head up.

"I'm sorry Mrs. McKinney, what was the question again?"

She sighs in irritation, "What is the only way a person accused of witchcraft can save their own life?"

"By confessing to witchcraft," I state. We're reading The Crucible in class right now. Despite all the craziness and actual exhaustion I've had lately, I've actually read the play.

"Very good Miss Jacobs. Now, please stop whatever you are writing and pay attention," she tells me sternly.

"Yes Mrs. McKinney," I say, closing my notebook.

I decided to give Mason he's present for his birthday. Only, I'm going to add a letter in his present and tell Mason everything. I've tried to build up the courage to tell him in person, but I can't. It doesn't help that he walks away whenever we get close enough anyways. That's what I'm working on in English right now. I've started over at least a dozen times, because I have no idea where to exactly start.

I have some hope after yesterday. Mason walked away when John first approached, but immediately came back when I was trying to get away from John. Maybe he doesn't hate me like he's trying to make it seem. Maybe he still does have feelings for me. I mean, if he did have any feelings in the first place.

I still can't believe everyone else noticed that I had feelings for Mason before I even knew. I'm not sure if I would have figured it out myself. I swear, even though he's mad, my heart is fluttering just in his presence. Has it always fluttered like this and I just didn't know?

"Laur?" I hear as I walk out of English. I'm surprised of who it is.

"What's up, Mason?" I'm trying to act as cool as possible. Stupid, I know. But we haven't been on good terms lately and I'm honestly not sure how to fully act. Do we act like we're best friends or not? I want to act like I love him and jump in his arms right now, but I don't. I just hang out as if we're some random classmates.

"You're coming, Saturday, right?"

"Of course," I tell him. "Wouldn't miss it." I smile genuinely.

"Good, good," he says, with a smile, but also a bit flustered. "See ya around."

And he walks away. I could have just had my chance. Mason approached me. Talked to me. Actually looked like he genuinely wanted to. Why didn't I say something then? Ugh.

I've been telling myself I'm stupid and beating myself up all day. I should have said something to Mason. I had my chance. Why am I do dumb?

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

I feel absolutely horrible.

Tuesday night, I began throwing up and finally stopped yesterday afternoon. There's this huge stomach bug going around school. I've heard of a few people have it, including Alex. I hope he'll be ready by tomorrow. Now, it's Friday and tomorrow is Mason's birthday and the state championship. I'm hoping to God I can feel well enough before tomorrow. I still haven't told Mason how I felt. I thought about doing it in person, going to his house, but I have barely gotten out of bed except to go to the bathroom. I've written a letter despite being sick. I'm hoping somehow I can get it to him.

I hear a knock on my bedroom door and Kayla pops her head in. "Can I come in?" she asks.

"If you're willing to get all my germs, then come right on in."

She chuckles, but still comes in. She's got soup in one hand and a folder in another. "I brought you soup and notes from your classes. I asked people from each of your classes," she says as she sits on my bed.

I sit up a little, taking the soup and notes from her. I rest the folder of notes on my nightstand, and then take a bite out of the soup. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?" she asks. I know she doesn't mean physically.

I shrug. It sucks, knowing how you feel about someone but not sure if they reciprocate it. I'm sure he does by what everyone tells me and all my thoughts about Mason these last few days and just the memories. The little things he did, have made me think he does have feelings for me. Or he did at least. I'm still scared I ruined it all after my blow up in the cafeteria with him.

"Do it before the game tomorrow," she tells me.

"What? No! I can't do that. What if he ends up screwing up the whole game? That's not going to be on me."

She laughs a bit and looks at me like I'm stupid. "Lauren, he does horrible when he thinks you aren't there. The reason he was screwing up so much in the semifinals because he thought you weren't there. I kept seeing him look up in the stands towards us."

I look at her in confusion. What? No. That can't be true. I mean, once he saw me standing by the fence, his face did soften. And he did start playing together. But no. that can't be true. "No, that's not it," I say shaking my head.

"That's not what Alex said," she says, really getting my attention. "He's had a feeling that Mason's got a thing for you for a long time, but Mason never said so," she pauses, making sure I'm listening. I am, hanging on to every word she's saying. "At the game, he made a comment. Alex thinks Mason was saying it to himself, but he said it perfectly loud and clear, saying 'Why the hell isn't Lauren here?' when he was throwing his helmet down to the ground. Then he saw you and bam, Mason did better."

"You're making it sound like I'm his lucky charm," I scoff slightly, but I'm getting this weird, hopeful feeling inside.

"Maybe you are. Maybe you aren't. Just think about telling him, Lauren. Okay? I'll text you in the morning about when to meet up for the game."

I decide to tell Mason that I love him. Tonight. I look out my window from my bed, waiting to see his car approach. He always parks on the street between our houses. I get excited for a minute when I see a car approach, but then I see that it is Adam. He must be on winter break and is coming to see Mason play.

I'm not sure how long I try to wait, but I fall asleep. This stomach bug really is wearing me out. I wake up and see it's after 1am. I look out the window and see Mason's car is in his usual spot. Dammit. I think about texting or calling him, but I decide against it because I know he needs his rest.

I guess I'm going to have to do it in the morning before I chicken out any more.