Right In Front of Me

Chapter 24

I'm not sure how I made it through the rest of the day.

I stayed at school, surprisingly. Although I was at least half an hour late for Earth Science with Mr. Vega. But the look on my face must've been horrible because he didn't question it whatsoever.

Mason didn't show at Earth Science, which to be honest, I'm kind of glad. I didn't want to face him. I'm actually feeling really bad about going off on him like that. But I guess finally figuring out my feelings for him plus the anger and pain I've been feeling lately for him ditching me just all came out at once.

I'm with Kayla and Alex at her locker, waiting to leave. She decided she was going to come over and like usual, wasn't going to take no for an answer. Even though I really wanted to be left alone.

"What the hell, Lauren?" I hear. I turn and see an angry Chase. I don't think I've ever seen him angry like this before. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Chase, it's none of your business," Kayla says before I can say anything.

"I wasn't fucking talking to you, Kayla," he spits out angrily.

"Hey man, watch it," Alex tells him.

"I wasn't fucking talking to her," Chase says.

The three of them begin to argue. Kayla is defending me. Alex is defending Kayla. Chase is defending himself and Mason. Eyes in the hallway are on the three of them and me. Everyone has to know what happened and lunch and I'm betting they are all figuring out that this fight between them is because of me going off on Mason at lunch.

I quickly leave before they can notice. When I'm at the end of the hall, I hear Kayla. But she isn't able to catch up to me. I run to my car as fast as I can and go straight home.

I get home and go straight to my room and get in bed. Kayla tried to call me, text me, and even came over, but I didn't answer. I just stayed in my bed. I think I just screwed up every chance I had with Mason.

I'm staring at the picture Mason and I when we were eight years old. My wavy blonde hair in pigtails. His light brown hair was spiked up. We both had gaps in our smile due to lost teeth. We both had lost the same exact tooth within a day of each other. I lost mine first. Then on the bus the next day, he had showed me he lost his as well. I knew it was loose but I didn't think it was that loose. He admitted he got Adam to help take it out. Must have hurt like a bitch. We were so young. So innocent. The thing we worried most about was if we were going to get the swing we wanted on the playground. I miss those days.

I'm not sure how long I've stared at pictures of Mason and I over the years. God, I miss him. A lot. You know, I never thought I could ever feel this much pain over a guy. But I do. I think I love him. I think I am completely in love with Mason Shaw. My next-door neighbor and now ex-best friend. A few short months ago, I never would have thought this would happen. But it did. I think I completely ruined everything with the guy I love.

My stomach keeps growling. I remember that I didn't eat any lunch today. I decide I need to go downstairs and eat some dinner. I go to the kitchen and see my mom is putting away whatever she made for dinner. "Oh hi sweetheart. I made some baked ziti for dinner. I saw your light was off so I didn't bother you." She takes a look at me and immediately concern is written all over her face. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"How did you know you loved dad?" I ask.

She sits down at the kitchen table and points to an empty chair, pretty much telling me to sit down. I sit down and listen. "Well, when we went to USC, we had gone on some dates. We weren't exclusive. He was a football player. I was just a girl who was majoring in business. We ended up at the same frat party one night. He was flirting with some girls, which let me be honest with you honey, it hurt. But I was still single, so I enjoyed the night. This guy, who I can't even remembered what he looked like, kissed me. I hated it. He wasn't a bad kisser. But he wasn't your father. I didn't get the same feeling that I got whenever I kissed your dad. Because every kiss felt like it was the first with him. It still does to this day. And that's how I knew I loved your father. Because there was no one else who can make me feel like he did."

I just nod and look down, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. "Oh sweetheart, what's wrong?" she asks, putting a gentle hand on my arm. "Is it about John?"

I shake my head. "No, we broke up last week. It's not about him though," I say quietly.

A sorrow look crosses my mom's face. "I'm sorry sweetheart. Who's it about?" she asks.

I barely can croak out Mason's name before breaking down. Big fat tears are rolling down my face and I'm sobbing. My mom immediately pulls me into a hug. But I continue to cry. I can't stop. I'm literally bawling. My dad even came in the kitchen to see what was going on because I was crying that loudly. I don't even know what my mom told him, but I could see the look of concern on his face. The pain. He can tell I am hurting. His little girl is hurting and it's killing him right now.

I calm down enough to explain to my mom. Although, tears are running down my face. I'm not sobbing as much. But I explain everything. I tell her about Mason. How it just seemed like overnight he dumped me as his best friend. I tell her about what happened with John. How I had sex with him and realized too late that I didn't love him and wasn't as ready as I thought I was. I wasn't going to tell her that, but it just came out. She didn't react badly though from what I could tell. I tell her that John went bragging around school about taking my virginity. I tell her that I realized I have feelings for Mason. And not that I just like him, but that I love him. I tell her that Kayla, Bailey, and Tanner all think he has feelings for me as well and that's why he stopped hanging out with me. Because I started dating John and then Mason ditched me. I tell her what happened at lunch today. How all the pain and anger at Mason just came out and how I think I ruined every chance with him.

Tears continue to roll down my face as I tell her. I have to keep stopping, because there are moments where the sobs just take over. I thought I'd feel better, getting my feelings out and telling my mom. But I don't. All the pain is still killing me.

"Listen to me, Lauren. You need to tell Mason how you feel. It sounds like he's just as hurt as you are," my mom tells me.

"But he hates me now, mom. I would too after what I said at lunch. I went off on him completely. Let alone going off on him last week as well," I croak out through sobs.

She gives me a sympathetic smile, "If Mason truly cares about you and feels the same way, which honey I think he does, he'll forgive you."

I listen to my mom. The tears are still coming, but not as much. I agree. I get some baked ziti and head back up to my room.

I text Kayla and tell her I'm sorry. She immediately answers and tells me it's okay. I also text Chase and apologize to him as well. I say what I did was stupid and I was angry and shouldn't have done it. It took him a bit longer to answer me, but he does reply, saying it's fine and he understands. I began to wonder if Kayla told him. Oh God, I really hope she didn't.

I need to apologize to Mason. I try to call him, but he doesn't answer. I try again, but still he doesn't answer. I look out my window and see his car is there. Maybe I should go over. No, I shouldn't. It's already passed 9 o'clock and I don't want to disturb his parents at this time.

I open on my laptop and get on Facebook. I start scrolling through old pictures of Mason and I again. I really shouldn't be doing this. But I miss Mason. A few tears trickle down my face. I'm looking at homecoming photos again when I notice. Mason is online. This is your chance.

I click his name and type out.

Me: I'm sorry for what I said today. I really am. Can we talk? Please...

I sit there. I see a few dots, indicating he's typing. But then suddenly, they go away and he logs off.

I lost my chance.

Tears begin to roll down my face again. I shut my laptop and cry myself to sleep.