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Decisions, Decisions

We humans don't really appreciate what we have until it's gone. Then we miss it. And we go crazy trying to get back whatever it is that we lost.

I, in this case, miss using my legs. I broke both the tibia and fibula of my right leg and I have to be in a wheelchair for six months. It's only been a week so far and I'm already losing my mind. This is madness.

I can't believe this all happened to me because of a guy. A guy, may I add, who is yet to show his face and apologize for the heartache that he's cost me. For the leg that he's cost me.

Of course, he didn't show up. Why would he? First, he waited a week to speak about the photos to the public and then pulled that pathetic excuse of a confession.

At first, I blamed myself. I thought I wasn't good enough for him. But Now I know better. He doesn't care about how I feel, he only cares about his reputation and his brand. It was so stupid of me to ever trust a word he said. Guys like him don't settle down for just one person. Why would they? They have thousands of people throwing themselves at them.

If someone really cares about you, they will show up and tell you how much you mean to them to your face. Not call, text, or broadcast it to strangers that who couldn't care less.

Honestly, I'm starting to sound pathetic. I need to get a grip. I can't let him dominate my thoughts day and night. He broke my heart. And my leg. He didn't deserve me.

"I'm going to the grocery store honey, do you need anything?" my mom's voice interrupts my train of thoughts. I look up to see a worried look on her face. I give her a small smile and shake my head. What I need can't be found at a grocery store.

"Okay honey," my mom then sighs with a defeated look on her face and leaves the house.

Mark and she try to cheer me up by staying home with me and watching movies with me or taking me to the park, but nothing works. I appreciate everything they're doing for me, but I just can't bring myself to feel any joy. I can't even bring myself to smile.

Suddenly, I hear a knock on the door. Who would knock on the door? Both Mark and mom have keys and Ezra is not coming over today.

I wheelchair myself to the door and slowly open the door and I'm greeted by the last person I expected to see at the door.  

Shawn.

"What are you doing here?" I demand, more confidently than I currently feel. He eyes the cast on my leg and the wheelchair and his eyes widen.

"What happened to you?"

"None of your concern. Now, what do you want?" I ask, slightly getting angry. He looks exhausted. The bags under his eyes make him look ten years older and I feel my heart sink but I mentally scold myself and tell myself to stop.

Stupid heart.

"I don't know what to say" he admits, giving me one of those looks. The ones that make an atheist believe in God and all his angels.

"Shawn, I can't do this. Please leave" I beg, my voice breaking a little. I feel so overwhelmed. I know I should be mad at him for not telling me about the kiss before the pictures were leaked. I should be mad at him for not calling me right after they were released and explain things. I should be mad at him for so many things, but I can't bring myself to be. And I don't think that is normal. 

"Are you breaking up with me?

I don't dare look at him. I can't. So I tell him, "it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. All that matters is that our lives are just so different. Your career and your fans will always get in the way and I can't just sit around and wait for the next scandal to hit media. I need someone that can physically be there for me whenever I need him. That's how relationships are supposed to be. In all honesty, I just had a fan crush on you and I guess I went a little carried away with the whole 'I like you' thing." I am lying through my teeth and I know it. I just hope that he doesn't notice. 

Just then, my phone dings with a text. I quickly unlock my phone and see that is a text from Shawn.

You're lying

I look up at him, a little confused as to why he felt the need to text me that instead of just saying it to my face considering he was standing mere feet away from me.

No, I'm not

I quickly text back and look over at him. He doesn't say anything. He just reads my text and starts typing. This is a whole new level of childishness.

You are. You couldn't even look me in the eye when you said all those things

Be ready at 7. We're going on a date tonight. 

The nerve of this man!

"Date?" I ask, "are you kidding me right now? I just broke up with you that means no dates and even if I wanted to go on a date with you, which I don't mind you, it's not possible because I'm in a wheelchair, you moron." I practically yell, but Shawn seems unaffected by it. When did this turn into a date talk? This is a breakup. Stick to the plan.

"I'll see you at seven." He says nonchalantly as if he's calling the shots. As if I didn't just break up with him

"No, you won't. Whatever you have to say, say it now because I won't change my mind"

"Okay, then listen to me and listen carefully," he voices, determined "I love you and I think you love me too. We can sit here and talk about all the reasons why we shouldn't be together or we can choose to be together and make each other happy. You know my decision and the rest is up to you. I'll come to pick you up tonight. If you're not ready by then, I'll know my answer and I'll never bother you again."

With that, he walks away and closes the door behind him. 

I need to make a decision and I only have a few hours to make it. But it is such an easy decision to make, isn't it?

Author's Note

That's two chapters for you guys. I'll update soon. Happy Holidays

xoxo-Leyla ❤