Chapter 29. "Regret, Guilt and Heartache"

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He knew that what he had set out to do was the right thing, devout himself to the holy Lamp and and protect the barrier. In fact it was his only choice. He owed Zhao his life and especially a happiness, everything that much and he knew that he would not be at peace until he had fulfilled this last duty. Only then would Shen ever truly be worthy of forgiveness.

He stuffed all his belongings and left the university. Walking outside the campus ground.

Under the moonlight the city lay still. The heat of the day had been replaced by a cool breeze and Shen sauntered under the trees with a brown brussel bag dangling from his arm. He moved between the pools of streetlight, feet almost silent of the sidewalk. A pair of headlights came bouncing over the street, blinding him temporarily before passing and disappearing.

The air was damp and cool smelling faintly of a car's exhaust fumes, trees that lines the lane stood as black statues silhouetted against the darkening sky, slowly their shadows melted away into the blackness of night.

People walk in the street like the way a gas fills a jar; no matter how few of them there are - all the space will be taken. It's like they are programmed to get as far from one another as possible, make no eye contact and move fast. This city is so much safe.

The happy, chattering crowds had long since flowed into the street. In the almost deserted street Shen leant against a lamppost and gazed up at the pool of yellow light that lapped around the bulb. As his head sagged back down to his chest. Waiting to hailed a cab.

The bench that was imposing beside Shen, more of a throne than a casual seat

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The bench that was imposing beside Shen, more of a throne than a casual seat. The high ornate arms rose on each side and the back was tall with carvings. While waiting, he sits crossed legs.

Despite the time, the hustle and bustle never came to a halt. The city's residents were off somewhere as Shen Wei left with loneliness eating him alive, swallowing every once of hope he had yet to spare. It feasts upon any happiness he have left, leaving behind empty carcass; full of despair and memories he can't seem to hold onto anymore. It takes his heart into its claws, squeezing out every bit of life he had circulating throughout his opaque veins. It craves for Zhao to suffer a life without any warm hands embracing him, or any shoulders to go cry upon.

It seemed unfair that no matter how much he strived to be the man his conscience wanted him to be, it would keep taunting him with his failures. Each time the regrets reemerged he would diligently analyze them again, hoping that this time his mind would be satisfied with his self professed remorse, but it never was. Like an unforgiving spectre it would be back tomorrow to haunt him all over again.

It would come to him in quiet moments, such as when he was going to sleep or stopped to take a lunch break. It would seep to the foreground of his mind and demand to be reexamined again. But he was tired of thinking about it, no amount of analysis was going to turn back the clock. He had to get on with the here and now, make better choices next time around.

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