Soul Fire (GUARDIAN BL)

Chapter 29. "Regret, Guilt and Heartache"

After about a week in the hospital after Zhao had came back from the deepest depths of hell. He instantly lost all of his energy resulting of him waking up in the hospital, a place he hates the most. Zhao finally left the stench of rubbing alcohol and the song of life support machines ringing in his ear, for good two days. After finding out everything, Zhao ragely came to Shen Wei and told him about everything, and when he hesitated he asked if Shen Wei knew about it already. Shen Wei couldn't lie to Zhao's face so he told him yes. Zhao got mad at him and won't talk to him, it's been months without contact and it kills them both every time but Shen Wei cooperatively give themselves some space, especially Zhao YunLan.

It's been months since Zhao had cut off any connections with Shen Wei. At first, Shen was buffled but he carried on with life but there's an ever present ache for him that he can't deny. He didn't think his recklessness to avoid conflict to keep the peace made start a war inside himself.

Ignoring a precious one like Shen Wei is never an easy thing to do for Zhao, but sometimes, it is what he feels is the smartest thing to do emotionally.

This is the most painful situation for Shen Wei at the same time absolutely, like waiting for a dear one without knowing that he was avoiding you in purpose. It was a disappointing and somewhat worrisome beginning to what was after all his destiny. Before summoning he recast his face into one of superiority, erasing the crestfallen face that belonged to a man his age.

The early evening lull had come to the streets, that quiet between the frenetic commuters and the vibrant party seekers.

The Professor's eyes lazily rolled open, glazed over with with the remnants of a dream. Rubbing his tired eyes with the insides of his palms, his eyes were dry from staring at the ceiling above absentmindedly as the middle aged professor stop midway of scribbled down 'notes'. He now sat in his own personal office at the second floor row the lights were hidden in the darken corner to prevent unwanted light to invade his eyes. Setting his head rest on the cold desk letting his heavy lidded eyes fall shut for a moment.

The thought of Zhao trundled through his brain like a through train, with no intention of stopping. As he watched it's tail lights winking in the distance, all trace of it leaving his neurons, he wondered if maybe that was the one idea that would have made him his millions. But, like a good dream Shen wish to remember, it had gone and left no traces that would help recreate it.

Were his thoughts visible they would be a inverse explosion, crazy chaotic turns and twists of light all coming together to just one word, to just one person. Though his thoughts spin in a way that appears without design or logic, it always dance its way back to love, to a way of living that celebrates life without damaging the very people he hold dearest.

How is it that just a thought can bring long buried emotions and stir what was settled? Before, someone had told Shen Wei about leave things be, to not go walking into the past so blindly. But what else is there to do when the way forward is the way back? Perhaps though it is just selfishness to return, to make others feel what was healthier for them to forget?

When Shen Wei is in the presence of Zhao YunLan, time tends to freeze. He clam up and stutter, doing and saying the absolute dumbest things because, frankly, he was not sure what else to do around.

Shen tend to hold back his emotions everytime unless there's a firm confirmation that Zhao made him feels like he's interested in feels the same way he do, and rejection is a concept he tend to avoid at all costs. He doesn't want to force himself to Zhao, that's why he cooperatively avoid Zhao too, to stop him feeling getting uncomfortable any longer. But it doesn't mean that he completely abandoned the mountain spirit, even if it kills him, he will protect Zhao with his all life even if Zhao curse him to death.