Blue 2

Chapter Thirty-Nine

"This will not be happening again," I say, raising my voice.

Lily offers an apologetic smile before dragging me out of the dark apartment. Once we're outside, I begin to scold her from going to that lame party, but her small hand covering my mouth shuts me up for the entire ride down the elevator. She only ever removes her hand when we're inside our apartment. But she doesn't give me the time of day as she storms into the bedroom. I follow right behind her. I am not letting this go; she's insane if she thinks I will.

"What in the hell were you thinking going to hang out with that motherfucker?"

She doesn't acknowledge me as she hangs her cardigan up in the closet.

"Hello? Am I talking to a wall here?" I wave my hands dramatically.

She finally looks at me as she's pulling her jeans down her legs, but still doesn't say anything.

"Answer me, Lily!" I shout.

"Why should I?" she screams even louder. "You left me in the dark for two fucking days, and you except me to spill my guts about where I went? You were annoying me, so I left. Isn't that the same reason you gave me? Where did you even go? What did you do? You won't tell me, right? So why should I tell you why I left, where I went, and how I feel? How is that any fair?" She pants at the end of her loud rant, tears streaming down her face.

"Lily—" I begin quietly.

"No, do not 'Lily' me." She quickly silences me and walks around the bed to point a finger at me, jabbing it at my chest. "Don't... for two days—two fucking days I have been waiting for you to come back home. I was worried about you, and you didn't even bother to answer your phone. You didn't reassure me that you were alive, I thought you left me for good. And for what? Because of a mysterious girl and a fucking bag? I don't even care about it or her anymore, I just want to know where you went and how you could possibly think it was okay to vanish like that."

I stay silent and watch the tears stream down her face. I am a dick. Plain and simple. No ifs ands or buts about it. I didn't think she would be this distraught, otherwise I would have sent a text that I was fine. Seeing her cry and feel this hurt literally pains me to witness. I want to punch myself in the face because she's absolutely right. If I were her, I'd stop giving me chances and kick my ass out, but she isn't leaving again. She isn't kicking me out of the room and locking the door, because she's Lily Lockheart. She loves me, and she'd be damned to not get answers and stick around.

I take her small hands in mine and sit us down on the bed. She sniffles, and I move one of my hands to push her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry," I say honestly. She blinks rapidly, clearly surprised by my apology. "I should have never gotten mad at you, you did nothing wrong." I take a breath and dive into explaining everything. "The girl that was here—her name's Amanda, and she's nothing but a grimy girl I used to hang out with and fuck on occasion." Lily winces, and I quietly apologize for my crass wording. "She's Hunter's sister and she brought me... drugs."

"What kind of drugs?" Lily asks, sniffling.

"Weed, some... coke. But I swear I only used the weed, I'm not into that other shit, but she didn't know and brought it anyway." I watch her shoulders sink in relief.

"Where have you been for the last two days?"

"With a buddy that isn't a total asshole, his name's Mark."

"Why didn't you just tell me that instead of leaving and not answering my calls or texts?" She tries her hardest not to raise her voice, but I hear it clearly.

"Because I'm an asshole and I tend to not think about others, especially you, because I have this mentality that you'll always stick around but... but if I'm not careful. If I don't stop to think about how you'll react and feel, I could lose you, and I would lose my freaking mind if that ever happens. I need you, Lily. I really, really need you in my life. I don't know how I'll cope if I were to live a life where I wouldn't wake up to your face, or act like I'm still sleeping when you go out on your morning rungs."

She cracks a smile, and it's the most beautiful thing to date.

I push my thin boundaries and bring my palm to the side of her face. She hesitantly leans her face into my touch, and I smile. "Will you please forgive me?"

"I don't know..." Her voice is soft, and she looks at the ground, emotions conflicting beneath her eyes.

"I'm sorry for leaving you and not replying to you. I thought I didn't have to tell you anything, but I would lose my mind if you'd done the same thing. I kind of did two hours ago when you left. I can't imagine not knowing where you are and how you're doing if you were gone for days on end. I truly am sorry, I don't want to be a dick to you anymore. Just give me one more chance, even if I don't deserve it."

And I don't deserve it. Instead of staying and listening to how she felt, I packed a bag and left without answering any of her thoughtful calls or concerned text messages. I saw every one of them and either left her go to voicemail or act like I didn't see her texts. It was a dick move on my part, and I will never do anything like this again. I tend to self-destruct. I've been trying not to fuck things up with her, but sometimes I can't be normal.

I say a silent prayer as she blinks and quietly chews on her lip, thinking. I often wonder what and how she thinks. Does she weigh every possible scenario running through her head? Contemplate how fast she can pack her bags before I hug her and beg for her forgiveness? Or is she just stalling to give the answer I am desperately hoping for? I caress her warm cheek and trace a heart on the back of her hand, waiting and hoping.

"Okay..." she says so softly, I'm unsure if I hear her right?

"Okay?"

"Okay," she repeats, fighting to hide a smile.

"Thank God—"

"Only if you promise not to pull something like that ever again," she adds in a warning tone.

"I promise... I fucking swear to never leave you again. It was so stupid of me. Why would I leave when I have you?" I say, and she can't fight her blush. I wipe away her tears and whisper, "I love you, Lily, so much it hurts me sometimes, but it doesn't stop me."

"I love you more than anything," she replies and it's such a lovely sound.

I know I'm on thin ice here, but I can't hold myself back any longer. I close the gap between us and press my lips to hers. I missed hint of cherry and feeling her soft body against mine. She starts to groan in protest, but I move one of my hands to her hip, the other holding her hair, and her protest turns into pleads. I smile and kiss her gently, softly, appreciatively.