Chapter Twenty-Seven

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Outside is freezing, and light snowflakes float around in the strong wind. I briskly walk around, searching for a place to sit in and think about everything. After five minutes of blindly walking, getting myself lost in the wealthy neighborhood, I stumble upon a coffee shop. Warm air blasts against me and sends my hair in my face. I swipe them back and join the long line at the counter. My mind is a racing mess and I don't know what to do about any of this, but a hot cup of coffee will go a long way. I'm lucky I brought my purse with me. I pay for a large cup of coffee and sit at the last booth in the back of the small but homely coffeeshop. The hot coffee warms my hands and cheeks, but the rest of me is numb.

What am I going to do about Blue?

I'm not an idiot, I knew he was a bad person before he knew me. He slept with nearly all of the girls in our dorm and treated them unkindly. I wasn't ignorant to the small bags of marijuana I saw laying around on his side of his room when I hung out with Finn in their dorm room. I wasn't a big fan of him because of the drugs he did or how poorly he treated the girls he messed around with, but they don't compare to what he did to that poor girl. I knew there was a past he kept secret from me; if I'm being honest, I never wanted to know about it because to be bathed in the sliver of his light meant I wouldn't encounter anything gravelly, something I wouldn't be able to get past. But now I know the most horrible thing he has done, and I can't shake the image of it all out of my head.

A good-hearted, silently suffering, quiet girl unknowingly walking into a trap set up by a predator lurking in the showers. Shivers run down my arms because, just like her, I was fooled by his deceit and fell for his dark-humor and charm and his handsome face. Everything about him was a façade, but now I choose to believe he's dropped the act and truly loves me. But he told Stella he loved her too, played along with her dreamy fantasy that they were meant to be. Maybe my downfall wasn't finding about the bet, but realizing I wasn't the only naïve girl wandering the woods searching for a charming man that never even existed. I had my heart broken, but poor Stella had everything broken.


A million questions flood my mind. Is she okay? Was she planning on attempting suicide before Blue, or was he really the last nail in the coffin? Was he what put her on the path to recovery, if she is still venturing down that road? Or is she even more fucked-up in her head? I want the answers, but I also don't. Knowing her name is already making me sick to my stomach because she's a real person who really fell for the wrong guy and almost lost her life because of him?

He is a spiteful, deplorable man... or at least, he used to be. What kind of person does what he did to another human being? It's immoral and inhumane, and I should hate him. I should want nothing to do with him. I eye my phone laying on the table, contemplating deleting his phone number again and booking the first flight to a faraway place. I don't care where, it just needs to be away from him, so I can think. Just thinking about him crumbles my mind's clarity. When he's in my thoughts, he eliminates everything else. Blue consumes me and I'm too addicted to stop letting him in.

Surprisingly enough, he hasn't called or texted me. Usually, when he fucks up in one way or another, I walk away to allow my brain time to think. He clouds my judgement whenever he's around me. Why hasn't he reached out to me this time? Especially when I know the worst part about his past? Does he arrogantly assume I'll forgive him and I'm just out here pretending to contemplate moving on from here? I won't flip a coin and run back into his arms. I usually give him another chance because he and I both know I'll never stop loving him, but not this time.

I drink the rest of my coffee and continue thinking about Stella. Even though I only know her name, I pray she is doing alright. That she got the help she needed. Is she happier now? Did she find a guy that treats her how she thought Blue was treating her? And what about the other girls? I have a momentary idea to contact all the girls Blue used to play his sadistic game, find out how they are all doing, but then wave it away as quickly as it came. Doing that would basically make us 'survivors' of Blue's game. But I do want to know how Stella is doing. By the sounds of it, she was hurt the worst, so much so Blue stopped playing for three years... until he laid eyes on me?

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