Chapter Ten

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When I wake up, I feel like there's something missing. My mind doesn't know what, but my body does, because I immediately pat the other side of the bed. A pathetically sad mewl leaves my mouth, and then it hits me: I'm reaching for Blue, but he isn't here. I stop patting the empty bed and jolt upright, catching my spotty breath. What the hell am I doing? I haven't reached for him in the last two weeks so why am I doing it now? Is it because he's in the same place as me? I knew the part of him that misses what we were was weak when I called him at the party, but I didn't know it'd be desperately searching for him like he'd actually be in bed with me.

I can't let that weak side of me win. No matter how much I miss his warm smiles and cold fingertips, I won't let him back into my life after he flipped it upside down.

I climb out of bed to use the bathroom, and when I walk back inside the room, my phone is ringing on the bedside table. I sit on the side of the bed and smile, seeing it's Catherine. It's almost nine, maybe she's calling me down for breakfast.

"Good morning, Catherine," I answer.

"Good morning, dear," she replies cheerily. "Samuel is finishing up his business this week. Today, I'm going to join him while he does his work. We'll be gone for most of the day, but we'll make it back in time for dinner. Do you mind watching Theo today? I'd just need you to take him to breakfast, then maybe visit the slopes, or, if you still can't manage it with your injured ankle, play in the snow or order some movies."

"Of course, I don't mind watching over Theo. I'd love to... and my ankle doesn't hurt that much, but I'm not quite ready to jump mountains," I say, and she chuckles.

"I wouldn't put it past you when you're all healed up," she jokes. "Thank you for agreeing to do this for us. Delia and Elliot are on a little tour of the lodge and other places in town to see if they'd want their wedding here. Those two will occupied the entire day. If you need any help, you can always ask Blue... Theo would love it, he adores his older brother."

"Oh... um... I think I can handle watching Theo by myself, but I'll enlist his help if I really need it," I manage to say without raising my voice a few octaves out of nerves. They plague my flipping stomach and bite heated skin. The thought of spending the day with him after ignoring his calls and texts for almost two weeks makes me more scared than nervous. I'm scared of caving into the sliver of me that just wants everything to be the way it was before... before he ripped my heart out with his bare hands.

Catherine and I talk about surprising Delia with a bridal spa for a few minutes before she gives me Blue's room number and hangs up. His room is very close to mine. Three doors down, exactly. Why do I have the worst luck in the entire world?

If it was up to me, I'd completely forget he is even here, but of course that miniscule part of me jumps up and down at the mention of him. I want to snag every memory we ever shared: our stupid arguments, us watching movies in my dorm room, him watching me dance, waking up to him staring at me, us eating pizza in the greenhouse, feeling his pink lips smile against mine, and dump them in one huge container and toss them out of my mind. I would love nothing more than to see our good and bad memories float in the ocean... but I can't. They're all stuck in my head to torture me forever.

I push my thoughts way down before walking back into the bathroom. I shower quickly, wanting to start the day with Theo. My plan for today is to play in the snow for however long he wants, maybe take him to the slopes and sit on the sideline while he has his fun. I've never looked after a little kid before. I'm afraid he'll cry for his parents or I'll lose him. His mother and stepfather will maim me if I lose their child, especially Catherine, she's extra protective of her only child.

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