Blue 2

Chapter Sixteen

He weaves his fingers through his hair and tugs. "Well, do you regret it?"

"I...I don't know." I wish I could have more to say, but I just don't know what to think of any of this.

"What do you mean you don't know?" He sounds frustrated, but I can't tell him what he wants.

"I mean what I said. This is all really confusing, and everything just happened so suddenly." I take a deep breath to avoid passing out. My head is thumping like crazy, not only from the alcohol simmering in my body, but having sex with him only a few hours ago. This doesn't feel real. Noticing he's standing up, I hold out a hand. "Just give me some space to think... please."

He looks at my hand, then back at me, and chews on his lip-ring. He clearly wants to force the answers out of me, but he must sense my desperation, because he sighs and sits back on the bed. He hangs his head and flips his hands to stare at the lines of his palms. I sigh and murmur, "thanks," and head for the bathroom. I feel bad because he deserves an answer. After two weeks of thinking we were actually over, one night we get so drunk and have sex. Surely that means we're a few steps away from getting back together, right? That could be the case in his head, at least, but I don't know about me...

I want nothing more than a hot shower, but I can't have one here and put on my used underwear; I'd feel gross and would take thirty more showers just to feel clean. I'll have to resort to washing up for now. I open the cabinet above the sink and find packets of new toothbrushes and toothpaste. I thank the god of cleanliness and brush my teeth. I'm gurgling with a bottle of Listerine when I notice a sort of mark on my neck. I finish washing out my mouth, then get close to the mirror and put my finger on the sensitive dark red bruise. "Is that a hickey?" I whisper to myself, disgusted. I can't help but remember Blue's mouth on my skin as he thrusted into me relentlessly. I have to pinch myself again to stop reminiscing about more snippets of last night. What is wrong with me? I have to think straight and figure this out.

After I use the bathroom and wash my hands, Blue walks into the bathroom and sits on the toilet. He's only wearing his jeans. I stay quiet as I rummage through the cabinet for anything to fix my hair. I find a small brush in the top right drawer and start untangling my bird nest of a hair.

"Lily? We need to talk about this," he says after a few minutes of me hacking through my hair.

"Do we really?"

"Yes, you know we need to."

He's right; I know talking about this is inevitable, but I want to hold off for as long as possible.

I stall for five minutes as I get my hair to resemble actual hair, but he is persistent and demands we talk about this now.

Turning on the sink, I turn to him. "Is there really anything we need to talk about? We had sex, it was a mistake, that's it. There—that's the discussion. Now, are we done with this? Can you just leave me alone to fix myself?" His eyes inflate then quickly narrow, glaring at me, but I look away as guilt creeps into me. I splash water on my face, wiping away the crusty makeup.

"Do you really think there isn't more to talk about?" His voice raises, and he walks over to me.

"Yes, I really think that. I was drunk, you were drunk, and we did something we regret." I tear a piece of paper towel off the counter and wipe under my eyes. His angry brown eyes find mine in the mirror.

"I never said I regretted anything," he says.

I turn to him, closing the cabinet door. "Well, I do." Then, I brush past him on the way back into the bedroom. The crushed vulnerability I saw on his face yanked at my heart strings, but I can't change my stance just because I slipped up for one night.