After Ashton found me in the bathroom he insisted we go to the hospital, we're currently sitting in an empty room in which we were instructed to wait in by a doctor "We've been waiting 45 minutes! They're risking your life!" Ashton says, frustrated pacing around the room "I'm not going to die" I laugh at him, he shoots me a glare before throwing his hands in the air "I'm going to find the fucking doctor" He yells, rushing out of the room. I look around me the white walls make me feel trapped. The soft ring of the machines spread around the hospital fills my ears and my mind flashes back to the nights i'd spend in these rooms back home with Starla because I managed to fuck up yet again. Ashton walks back into the room followed by a short girl with brown hair in a nurses outfit "Hi Britney, we're so sorry for the wait. Can you show me your arm please" She tells rather then asks, I hold my wrist out and look at the damage for the first time. My heart sinks to the floor as I realise why Ashton was so worried. "I'll just clean and stitch these up for you" She says with a soft smile, grabbing the needed tools from the trolly behind her. She pours some kind of alcoholic substance onto a cloth and swipes it over the cuts on my skin, Ashtons nose scrunches up at the sight but I don't flinch. She finishes stitching the area and wraps a bandage around it "Since you have no history here we're going to need you to sign a few papers. I'll just grab those for you" She says with a smile, leaving the room. "Are you okay?" Ashton asks, sitting beside me on the bed. I look to him "Yeah" I reply with a small smile, trying to wash away his worry. My eyes scan the room and land on a bed across the room, I wave of fear washes over me. My body appears on the bed, hooked up to machines. A tube down my throat. My arms are in bandages and my neck in a brace. I begin to shake and tears fill my eyes. I rub them with the back of my hand and the bed appears empty again. Ashton looks to me, panic spreads across his face as he sees the fear in my eyes "Britney.. Britney" He pleads, My head snaps to look at him "Whats wrong" He grabs my hand, my breathing is heavy and sweat beads along my forehead "I-I.. My body.. It was there" I choke out, pointing to the hospital bed "What do you mean" He asks, rubbing his finger across the back of my hand "My body it was lying there, in the bed. With tubes and thinks. It was there" I shake, tears fall from my eyes. "Britney, it's okay. You're here with me" He turns my face towards his with his thumb, our eyes meet and my body calms down "It's okay" He says, I wrap my arms around his waist "Here are those papers" The nurse enters the room and hands me some forms and a pen.
Ashton takes me back to his apartment, I sit on the edge of his bed and fiddle with the hem on my blood stained t-shirt. Ashton falls over to his wardrobe and pulls out a black button up shirt and hands it to me "Put this on, I'll ask Miriam to try and get the stains out of that one tomorrow" He softly smiles to me. What have I done? I think to myself, he looks so hurt. His eyes are weak. The tear stains on his cheek visible. Blood is smeared across his shirt and covers his fingers "I'm sorry" I whisper, my eyes falling to the floor "Don't you dare be sorry" He says, he leans in front of me grabbing my hands "This, this is not your fault" He looks me in the eyes "I know that it takes a lot of pain, a lot of fear and emotions to do this to yourself" He traces his thumb along my hand "The fact you feel the need to do this to yourself is not your fault. It's the people who made you feel this ways faults" A tear rolls down my cheek "I wish you hadn't of done this to yourself, I wish you had of called me or someone else instead but I'm not mad at you. I know your in pain and I understand that to an extent. I won't make you promise me not to do this again because I know that's a hard promise to keep but I will ask you to call someone, whether it's me or Starla or anyone next time you want to do this to yourself. I love you Britney, and I can't stand the thought of losing you" I look into his eyes "I love you too" I choke through the tears, he smiles and places a kiss on my forehead "Now go have a shower and get changed" I nod my head and walk into his bathroom. I turn on the water and feel as the droplets crash against my skin. The leftover blood on my body twirls down the drain and I close my eyes.
I lay in bed next to Ashton whose eyes are glued to his phone screen "Britney" He says, looking to me "Yeah?" I question, placing my phone down as he does the same "What happened today in the hospital room, It's got me worried. You've been having those panic attacks a bit lately. What's going on?" His sad eyes look into mine, I look to my fingers "I don't know.." I trail off "Do you want to see someone about it?" He says slowly "No" I spit out quickly "Okay.. Do you want to talk to me about it?" He asks softly "There isn't anything to talk about.. I don't know what's going on.." I look to him, sadness in my eyes. He opens out his arms and gestures for me to lay on his chest. I rest my head on him and listen to his heartbeat, his arms gently rest around my body "Whatever it is that's going on, I'll help you through it. Just wake up" He says, I grow confused and look up at him "What'd you say?" I question "I'll help you through it. Just don't forget that"
