Miles Away | Nick Mara

Eighteen

We acted as if we were a couple. Almost. Whenever we walked around as a group Nick would walk close beside me, shoulders touching, when we hung out he'd always sit beside me, thighs touching, and occasionally, we'd have our own conversations, whispering and laughing quietly to ourselves while the others screamed over each other's voices.

But we never kissed.
We never held hands.

We never hugged.

I'd be lying if I said that I was okay with it. Every moment he was near me I felt a strong urge to pull him into a hug, or to push my lips onto his, or to intertwine my fingers in his. But I couldn't. Sometimes I could tell that he felt the same; the way he looked at me, the way his eyes shone and gently wavered, the way his hand reached out slight every time it accidentally touched mine. But we couldn't do anything about it.

I thought about it all the time. It sounds typical but I honestly did think about it all the time. When we were in the tour bus, I'd look out the window for two or three hours at a time, playing out all the scenarios in my head; what would it be like to date him again? Would things be different? Or would it be the same?

"You've been staring outside since we got on the bus," Nick said from beside me. "Are you okay?"

I turned to face him and nodded with a smile. "Just thinking about stuff."

The lights above us were dim, allowing others to sleep in peace. It was 2:34 AM; we'd been driving for a good four hours. I'd tried to close my eyes but every time, just as I was about to doze off, a new thought would pop up in my head.

"We gotta talk," he said slowly. "About us."

I nodded.

"Not now, though. Not here."

I look around to see everyone sleeping; Zion curled up with Austin, Tiffany snuggled into Edwin's chest, Brandon laying with his head in Charlotte's lap. They seemed so peaceful, their lives weren't complicated at all. But here I was, in a bus, sitting next to one of the most important people in my life, trying decide how I really felt about them.