Miles Away | Nick Mara

Fourteen

I thought about it for two weeks. The boys were busy preparing for tour, so I hadn't been able to see them in a while. Edwin suggested that I travel with them; Charlotte and Tiffany were going anyway, so he said that I might as well go. I hesitated at first, but ended up agreeing. We'd move from place to place for around a month before coming back to California. 

Charlotte had come over a few hours ago to help me pack. The day before, we called on FaceTime so that I could see what she was packing, but she decided that she wanted to pack with me in person, and she also wanted to see the house.

"It's so pretty," she said, looking around in awe. "The sunlight makes it even better."

I laughed and walked to my room. She followed, looking around the walls and out the windows.

"I wanna live in an apartment with huge windows like these," she complained. "Your whole wall is basically a window. That's crazy. The sunset must be beautiful."

She sat on the fluffy rug, running her fingers through the white hairs. I opened my closet and took out a suitcase, preparing to pack.

"This is gonna be fun," she said, lying down. "Going on tour with the guys."

"Yeah," I sighed. "It feels weird though."

"Because of Nick?"

I turned to face her, laughing. "No, not because of Nick."

"But I mean,  isn't it awkward between you guys? I know you're still friends and whatever, but still."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess, but it's not too bad."

"Brandon told me about you guys..." She said slowly, fiddling with the rug instead of looking at my eyes.

"About what?"

"I don't know..." She shrugged. "He said that Nick still feels... You know... But he doesn't think you feel the same way anymore."

"I don't know how I feel about him."

I sat in front of her, folding clothes and tossing them into the suitcase. She stared at me, expecting something more. I looked up and smiled with a shrug. She leaned back, resting her back on the side of the bedframe. She raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I'm serious," I laughed. "I really don't know."

"Okay well," she started. "Put it like this. How would you respond if he asked you out again? Would you give it another try?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

She sighed. "C'mon Aubri, it's not that hard."

"Well, I mean, I guess it wouldn't be an immediate 'no'... But I'd have to think about it."

"Then I think you're not completely over him either." She grinned.

I shrugged and smiled. Trying to change the subject, I held up two shirts, signaling for her to choose between them. After a moment of contemplation, she pointed to the one on the right. I tossed the other one to the side, then folded the rest of the clothes piled up in front of me.

"It's confusing," I sighed. "I like the idea of being in a relationship; I miss the feeling of loving someone and being loved, but I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with Nick, or if he's just conveniently there."

"But," she started. "If he wasn't there, would you still like the idea of dating someone?"

I stuttered, trying to think. I didn't really know. Would I be okay with dating someone that wasn't Nick? Or do I really just like the idea of being in a relationship with him? What's the difference?

I groaned, throwing a shirt over my head. I lay on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. I shook my head from side to side as Charlotte laughed.