Heart Race | JJK ff ✔

chapter 21: confession (1)

i am terribly sorry for not updating, i barely have time to rest

i hope you'll enjoy this chapter

6 p.m, meaning the competition was over, leaving some competitors disappointed and some happy and proud. Your school, at the end, won two bronze medals and one gold.

"where are you going ?" you asked Mae as you were walking with her to get in the bus.

"partyy !!" she exclaimed, she was so happy for winning the bronze medal.

"then I'll see you tomorrow, I'm going home" you told her.

"what ? why ?"

"I promised mom to get home early today" you lied. You just want to stick to your decision regarding forgetting Jungkook. Going with them meant spending more time around him.

"y/n, it's not even 7 yet"

She tried her best to convince you to go with them but she gave up and let you do what you wanted. Even though they were your school mates and friends, you somehow felt like a stranger round them.

When Mae got in the bus, she started looking for an empty seat, "tsh, already full" she mumbled then her eyes caught someone staring at her with big round eyes. "Jungkook, what are you looking at ?" she asked, confused.

"you're alone ?" he asked her, confused as well.

"yes I am"

"w-where's y/n ?" he hesitantly asked her.

"she went home, she said she wants to- what the- I'm still talking !" she yelled at him but he just left the bus as fast as he could.

"where is he going ? we're leaving" his friends confusingly spoke.

***********

"y/n-ah" Jungkook's voice called you, making your stomach flip. You turned around and saw him running towards you.

"aren't you supposed to be with the others ?" you talked once he reached you.

"I don't want to, where are you going ?" he asked you.

"home" you shortly answered, wondering why he would care.

"you don't want to celebrate with us ?"

"I'm happy and proud for you all but I have nothing to do there" you said bluntly yet trying not to sound rude.

"do you regret not competing ?" he carefully asked you as if he could read your thoughts.

"what does that have to-" you tried to change the topic but failed as he cut you off.

"do you ?" he insisted.

"no I don't ! just go, Jungkook, you don't have to talk to me"

His question annoyed you, even though he didn't mean to but the fact that he was the only one who could do that, reading your thoughts, was making you avoid being with him. In fact, Junngkook knew you the most. He was the first ever to be close to you, the first friend you opened up to.... which was the reason why you're mad at yourself, you trusted him without knowing him well.

"you shouldn't regret it now, it's over and you can't change it"

For you, he was annoying you on purpose but actually, he wanted you to realize that you did a mistake.

"what do you want now ? you said it, it's over and I can't change it, so what do you want now ?" you started to get more and more irritated.

"I want you to learn from your mistakes, y/n ! you don't think before you act, you don't think of the consequences !" he gently spoke to you, trying not to pressure you.

(Your P.O.V)

"I know quitting is not the right thing to do, but I couldn't run...." I started calmly and looked away from him, trying to hide the tears in my eyes. "I felt like I lost something, I don't know what it is....... but this one thing...... it kept pushing me for a long time to always do my best .....and I lost it"

I'm not even surprised anymore, I've always been so vulnerable in front of him.

I hate it.

I hate the fact that I still trust him, that I still feel safe around him and that I can't even hide it.

"i-is it about the drug thing ?" he asked again.

Why do I feel like he wants to help ? it's as if he was telling me that he's there for me....but I know it's not the case, I know it's just what I'm hoping to happen.

I might seem stupid to him, he might think I'm weak but it's somehow true. I don't know for how long I can keep pretending to be strong and that I'm fine with quitting the competition. I can fool everyone but I can't fool myself, I know it's not what I want, I know I don't regret lying for the sake of Jungkook's future, I know I don't want to forget about my feelings for him.... and I know I can't hide it, so why even try ?

I was lost in my thoughts for a moment, still unsure about just one thing, telling him what I feel for him.

I looked back at him, even though I knew I'd get lost in his stare again, but I was ready.

"i once asked you if you ever had feelings for me..." I started talking again, ignoring how confused Jungkook looked, he was taken aback but I was determined to tell him.

" .... It was embarrassing to ask that but I really needed to know.... and you said you never did....i'm not asking you to love me, I just ..... I heard something .... about..... a bet...and I needed to know if you really went out with me just to make me fall for you...."

"........ y/n...i...."

"..... you confirmed it, no need to say anything, you said you never had feelings for me and I understand, but...... you know.... I did, I had feelings for you, I really liked you.....you didn't promise me anything and I wasn't your girlfriend so when you changed with me, when you stopped talking to me, I couldn't blame you, I didn't even have the right to complain, I thought you just.... I just wasn't what you thought I am, or you got tired of going out with me- "

"y/n, it's not- "

"please let me finish, I don't think I'll ever be able to talk like this, I just wanted to say that... even after that, I couldn't stop my feelings from growing, I didn't know when or how, but I started missing you more and more, I started getting jealous, it made me sad when you talk and laugh with other girls but you frown and get annoyed when you just see me, I didn't know what I did, I still don't...... and I'm not asking you to accept my feelings, I'm telling you this because I'm already well aware of how you feel, the last incidents made me realize a lot of things..... so to answer your question, it's not just about the drug thing.."

That's it, I told him everything....

My heart was beating so fast, my hands were shaking, my throat was dry and I was on the verge to burst into tears.

Jungkook was shocked and speechless, he kept looking at me, probably thinking of what to say, but I didn't want him to say anything.

"you don't have to say or do anything, I'm nervous...... probably scared but I'm feeling so much lighter, so thank you for listening to me"

" i- "

"I have to go now, it's getting late"

I didn't wait a single second, I immediately turned around and left.

As much as I was nervous, I was so relieved that he didn't yell or push me away immediately.