Authors note:
WARNING! THIS CHAPTER WAS SUPER HARD TO WRIGHT, AND IT WAS JUST... INTENSE. THERE IS SOME MINOR SEF HARM HERE, NOT TOO BAD, AND SOME MINOR EATING DISORDER STUFF. I KNOW THIS IS A BDSM STORY, BUT TO KNOW CONTROL, ONE MUST FIRST KNOW WHAT IT IS TO HAVE NO CONTROL. SO HERE YA GO! ALSO, DONT KILL ME. I DONT NEED HATE MAIL FROM THE TROYLER SHIPPERS! PLEASE?? THANK YOU!!
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Troye POV
I bit my lip and curled up further into myself and I closed my eyes as I heard the voices again. Well, it was one voice in particular, his voice.
"Weirdo, loser, fag, lardo" the insults went on and on. I wrapped my arms around my scrawny legs and bit back the sobs. Those words, they kept me here. Enveloped in my hurt and stupidity. I was an idiot.
"Troye" my mum called through the door, knocking lightly. i looked up and scrambled to wipe my face. I got up and pulled the sleeves of my shirt down top hide the fresh cuts while i took some calming breaths to ease the red from my face. By the time i got to the door, I had a bored look carefully placed and i passed through, playfully nudging my mom as i scooted around her. she wanted me to wash up for dinner, so i quickly scampered off towards the bathroom, dodging her swatting hands.
Laurelle pov (FIRST!!)
I looked carefully after my son as he clumsily ran off towards the lou. I wish he would tell me whats going on his head. he is always so sad, i know he tried to hide it, but i could tell he was crying when he walked out of his dark room. He always was. he has been losing so much weight, i wonder if he is sick. he eats enough... but he looks smaller every time he leaves the room. and even now, as he gently pushed against me, trying to distract me no doubt, i could feel the bones protruding sharply from his sallow skin. it took all my strength to not to reach out and grab him. to just hold him. to protect him from all the bad that is clearly pulling him down. but i couldn't. not if i wanted him to be a capable adult, i couldn't fight his battles, but i could aid him occasionally. so i would.
Troye POV
we all sat with playful banter around the table as i ran my finger across my damaged arms. i heard my fathers voice, but it was muddled, not enough to pay attention. i just kept looking at the plate, contemplating a way to eat it without getting ill right here. i must look so gross...i furrowed my brows and bit my lip.
something slamming onto the table pulled me from my thoughts. i looked up to see my father furiously glaring at me
"Troye, i have been calling your name for almost five minutes!" he snapped. I could feel shame and guilt pulling me down and i felt sick. but just as his anger appeared, it was gone.
"Jesus son, your lip!" He said concern coming alive on his features. he got up and crossed the table, much to my dismay, and grabbed my chin in his hand, pressing a napkin to my injured lip. but it was too similar to, him, and i could feel the panic rising in my chest. this was about to get bad and i couldnt, no. i mean, i just... i pushed away from him, my weak hands not doing much but giving me balance as i bolted away and into my room. i slammed the door shut and locked it, grateful teen hood came with one. i grabbed my phone and and ear buds before stumbling into the bathroom and locking that too. tears where streaming freely down my face and i couldn't hold them back if i tried.
i grabbed my silver box i kept on the counter and sat it down directly in front of me. i plugged my earbuds into my phone and turned to my favorite song. "breathe me" by sia. i turned it on at full blast and nearly screamed when i heard it. my heart ripped into and i started sobbing hysterically. i couldn't even pick up the box, i slid down the wall and just wailed into my knees. he took away even the touch of my father, my best friend for so long. this wasn't fair!! i ripped my shirt off and pushed my body up far enough to grab the box. i pulled it back down and opened it my breath hitching at the sight of the nine razors.
i bit my lip and let my heard thud against the wall as i was hit wit another wave of shame and sorrow at my weakness bringing about a fresh round of sobs. i grabbed my hair letting the box fall from my hand and pulled my hair, tugging my head down to knees and screamed softly.
i am so stupid
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate him
i hate... me
and with that resolve, i grabbed one of the fallen razors and pushed it against a scar i had reopened so many times before.
just as i was about drag it across the old scar, a body slammed into mine, causing me to drop the razor. but it didn't matter. someone was here. and i was too far gone to know who; so i started screaming.
"Dad! PLEASE! DAD!! HELP ME!" I bellowed as the struggle continued. why wasn't he coming?! i gave up the fight and settled for sobbing hard again. The person picked me up and i started shaking. no. No. NO
"Please! NOT AGAIN, I'LL BE GOOD I SWEAR!" said trying to get out of the persons grasp again. but it wasn't getting looser. so i screamed with all my might for the one man who would always save me.
"DAD!" i screamed so hard it hurt my throat. i was sobbing while i did it too so it came out hysterically. "HELP ME!!!" and just like that. the person was gone. i nearly rejoiced before cold water slammed against my skin. i yelped and tried to get out of whatever was happening.
i slammed my eyes open and tried to escape before i realized my location. it was in my tub. i was in a cold shower. and the person i fought so hard against, begging and pleading to let me go, was the same person i called out for. my dad. and he looked horrified. he pulled me out of the water, slammed it off, and pulled me to his chest and i could feel him shaking as he cried harder than i dreamed possible. i risked a glance out of his warm and tight embrace and saw my mom leaning against Steele sobbing and hiding her face in his chest. He himself looked pale and standing next to them, were my younger siblings. Sage and Tyde. clinging to each other as Sage bawled her eyes out onto Tydes shoulder, who looked positively sick.
this was my fault. i did this. so i started chanting "I'm sorry " as i tucked my face back into my dads chest and cried with him.
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I JUST WANT TO SAY I HAD TO HAVE A FEW PEOPLE READ THIS BEFORE I POSTED IT. I WAS TERRIFIED IT WAS TOO MUCH CONCIDERING THE FANDOM AND ALL. IM STILL SUPER NERVOUS SO PLEASE DONT BE TO HARD ON ME. ALSO, ITS OFFICAL. THIS BOOK IS BEING ENTERED IN A COMPETETION. SO I REALLY NEED YOU GUYS TO VOTE. THE BUTTON IS IN TWO CONVEINENT LOCATIONS AND IT IS FEELING AWEFULLY LONELY. SO PLEASE. GO MAKE IT FEEL GOOD AND LOVED BY CLICKING IT. THE MORE VOTES I GET THE MORE I WANT TO POST HERE. SO PLEASE VOTE!!!! THank you!!
also, an author i read does this thing where you get to name a dot. i wanna try it but kind of diffrently.
name a dot after your favorite band
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vote!!
~Sam
