Collision

Chapter Fifteen

~ Chapter Fifteen ~

Ellie's P.O.V.

We walked almost an entire hour on the highway, but we still came across nothing. The roads were abandoned, and so was the forest. While walking, I introduced myself to Daryl on a more detailed note and he did the same.

"So, Beth got abducted by some guys you didn't get a chance to see?" I asked, trying to get a sense of what happened to him. He already told me who Beth was, and it seemed he had an emotional connection. Maybe he longed her because of company.

Daryl nodded, "they had an old car, maybe from the 1970's, 1980's. Something was off. It felt like the house I was in was live bait. I should've known better."

"Don't think about it anymore, leave it for the future" said Rick, brushing past the bushes and the trees. 

"I miss Beth," Carl sighed out of nowhere. 

I turned my attention to him, eyebrows raised in questioning. His tone didn't sound like a friendly longing. Maybe he had something for her? No, she was eighteen years old, there's no way he would go for a girl that's three years older than him. Then again, this was an apocalypse. You'd be lucky enough to find someone within a five year range to be compatible with.

"You miss her?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it. I didn't want to seem like an overly jealous girlfriend, even though I had no intention of being his girlfriend.

"Yeah, she always sang to me whenever I couldn't fall asleep, and she took care of Judith better than I did," he replied, staring blankly as if trying to remember 'Beth'.

For a second, I felt irritated. I did not know the reason as to why I felt that way, but I did. I shrugged off the thought and let the conversation die in silence.

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Three days had passed since I'd last seen Joel. Three days had passed since I'd heard his husky southern voice. Three days had passed and I hadn't had more than two hours of sleep.

I missed Joel.

I dreaded the day that I would find him as an infected, walking limply down an abandoned street with blood gushing down his face. No, I couldn't face that; I wouldn't face that.

As I tossed and turned on the ground, I couldn't help but let out a silent cry. 

The feeling of losing someone, the pain of knowing that they're not around you anymore is unbearable. It took me three days to finally understand the absence of the only person I care about. After giving up on sleep again, I decided to stand up and go around the perimeter. It wasn't that big. It was just a small store in the middle of nowhere with one floor and one room. The glass windows were broken into, the door barely hinged onto the wall, but we made use of what we had.

Everyday it was like this. Wake up. Clear the area. Get a move on. Save every bit of food we have. Hunt for more. Find an abandoned place. Secure it. Sleep.

Although it became a boring routine, it was all we had. The trails we followed only led us to caves, and that would only be a death bed for us, judging from all the equipment we had.

The places we found would usually last for less than twelve hourse since they'd be out in the open, waiting for walkers to go by.

Rick ran out of ammo, Finn's dagger got left behind while rushing to get out of the infected's sight. All we had left was Daryl's crossbow, my kitchen knife, Carl's shotgun, Michonne's katana, and Rick's pocket knife. And although it wasn't much, it lasted us a whole period of 78 hours.

As I walked around the outside of the store, I could hear the moaning of our pet infected. Michonne had a brilliant idea of tying up walkers around the building so that our scent could be hid. It took a few moments to find rope, and gruelling minutes to cut their arms and jaws off, but it did the trick. No infected had come near us. Yet.

"You're awake."

In a flash, I turned around wide eyed. It was only Carl. I heaved a sigh and let myself relax from the sudden jump scare.

"I haven't been able to sleep recently," I informed, sitting down on the pavement and looking up at the moon.

"I've noticed. It's interesting how you try coping with your sleep issues," He said, making his way towards me and lying down near my legs.

"You can see me?"

"Of course. I can see how you try loosening up every bit of clothing you have. How you try keeping your hair out of your face at all times. How you're never able to rest until everything you pack is to your own liking. Let me ask, why do you do that?" I was surprised, and a little bit flattered. I never knew I was thoroughly watched all along. It felt nice to know someone payed attention to my movements.

"How is it possible that you can see all those things among the pitch black darkness?" I asked, hugging my knees to my chest.

"I've got good night vision. Don't ignore my question," He stated, still staring up into the sky while lying down on his back.

"Well, I loosen up my clothing because I can't sleep when something is clinging on to me so tight. Tight things make me uncomfortable and I can't sleep if I'm uncomfortable. I have to keep my hair out of my face because I don't want my hair to get in the way of my eyes. I don't want to see my hair first thing when I wake up. And lastly, I have to pack everything because I never know when we have to run from the infected. I don't want to be the one that everyone waits for and helps just because I have to pack up all of my belongings."

"It's weird though," He said, pondering about something.

"What is?"

"The fact that your clothes are loosened to the point that I can wear them. The fact that your hair is tied up perfectly and nothing can block your vision. And the fact that your bag has already been re-packed almost seven times now. What I'm saying is, why are you having such a hard time sleeping?" Carl asked, getting up into a sitting position and turning his head to face me. 

When he looked at me dead in the eyes, I instantly turned away, looking at the grass field far up ahead.

"There's something about Joel being gone that I can't function right," I admittedly sighed and he nodded in understanding.

Standing up, Carl grabbed my hand and led me back inside the store, stopping at the empty space on the ground. He lied down and pat the space beside him, as if gesturing me to obey.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just lie down here, I'm going to show you how to sleep."

And so I did. He was on his right side, facing me. I was on my left side, facing him.

"I used to have troubles sleeping when my mom died and whenever I was successful at sleeping, I would often get nightmares and wake up screaming. One day, this lady, Carol -she's really close to me- she says, 'Carl, you're not sleeping right.' and I ask her what she means when she tells me, 'You're forcing yourself to sleep. That's not how the brain works. Your brain sometimes works in reverse to how you want it to. So, instead of shutting your eyes every night and hoping to fall asleep, try doing the opposite. Just try it. Push yourself to stay awake, and in a matter of time, your brain is going to grow tired and eventually, without your consent, your brain is going to fall asleep for you."

I smiled at this short story of his, and put my hands near my head. I loved the sound of his voice and I loved the way it made me feel. I felt as if I was the only person he was focusing on, and for once, I felt as if I was the center of attention for someone. It was a rare feeling, and I vowed to salvage every bit of it.

That night, we laid side by side. Facing each other, forcing our eyes to stay open, looking at each other, trying to make the moment last forever. And as if a miracle happened, we eventually fell into a deep sleep.