Collision

Chapter Thirty Eight

~ Chapter Thirty Eight ~

Ellie's P.O.V.

It'd been a while since Maria, Julio, Rick and Joel were out to find a new car. During that time, the rest of us made ourselves comfortable near the cars. Daryl went out hunting, Michonne was sharpening her katana with my knife and Carol was out picking edible leaves for us to snack on. Everyone else just seemed tired and weighed down.

Though my heart was at peace, my mind was racing with thoughts about the Fireflies in New York. They still weren't able to find a cure and it'd been a long time since I was the labelled as the lab rat. It wasn't a bad thing, and I couldn't avoid it either. I was made genetically immune to the fevers that the bites caused. Although it didn't make me immortal, I was still a prized possession for every scientist trying to find the cure.

Carl came around the truck holding an apple. He cut the apple in half with his hands, gave me the bigger half, and sat down by my side. "What are you thinking?" He asked, making a crunching sound as he bit into the apple.

I shook my head, not bothering to explain, "just happy. Relieved that everything's been laid out."

"You're not the only one," Carl admitted. Moments after the silence, he spoke again, "I can't help but think about how I treated you. How I left you dealing with that kind of information alone. How I told you that you were a liar and basically wanted nothing to do with you. I don't even know what came over me."

"Carl," I wanted to stop him gently. Tell him honestly that everything was alright, he had nothing to worry about anymore. "You did what you did, but look at the events the unfolded because you did? Yeah sure, I felt like shit back then, but I'm feeling a million times better now. If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have ran and if I hadn't run, you wouldn't have been able to reunite with Maggie and Sasha and Bob. And I wouldn't have seen Maria again."

"But I-"

"And I understand that you feel bad and that you're sorry, but I've already accepted your apology and forgiven you. Hell, I think I'm already forgetting about it," I assured him, giving his hand a squeeze.

Carl wrapped his arms around me in one swift motion, knocking me off my feet - even though I was technically on my ass. "You don't know how much I love you." His words gave me comfort as I laid on his chest, my neck uncomfortable, but loving the moment. "Now say it back before I lose my mind."

"And I love you too," I repeated, a huge grin growing on my face. "Now, can you finally stop moping, now that I've given you forgiveness?" I stood up from his grasp and he nodded, his smile penetrating my heart like a bullet wound would with the infected's head. "Now, come one. Let's go help out because we're not doing anything productive."

After a while, the four of them came back without an extra car, and we just shrugged it off. What would the chances have been, finding a car in the middle of nowhere? Maria called and gathered us around, already having a plan in her head.

"Now since we've only got the van and the truck, that gives us room for eleven people to ride and three people to follow. Any volunteers that want to trail behind?" Maria asked, her voice loud, just like a leader.

"I'll go," Daryl was the first to volunteer. Carol followed, and then Michonne. Soon, more than half of the group spoke up and wanted to walk.

Maria chuckled, "I said three, not thirty. Anyways, the first batch, with the truck and some walking, will go North and scout for people there. Second batch'll take the van, scout South. Do not go further than an intersection, that'll be our next point for tomorrow. Everyone clear?"

The whole group agreed, and we started dividing ourselves into groups of halves. Joel and I would be in the truck whilst Aaron, Melanie, Michonne, Maggie and Bob volunteered to walk. I didn't understand, there was still one seat in the truck, but they were nice enough to give us space. That left the rest of us - Carl, Carol, Rick, Sasha, Daryl, Julio and Maria - with all seven seats of the van being occupied.

Carl gave me a look when he realized that I would be with Aaron instead of him. I chuckled and grabbed his hand, holding it to assure him that nothing would happen.

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We left at dawn, just when the sun illuminated the sky. None of us hugged nor said goodbyes since we knew we'd see each other again. The parting was quick, but an easy one.

Again, I was in the truck, but this time only with Joel. Maria was driving the van, heading the opposite direction as us. The rest of us, the five walking, trailed behind the truck, conversing along the way. I suggested that I could move our belongings and make space for them in the open cargo area, but they denied, saying that it would just be too difficult on the truck.

"Don't you think about going to New York," Joel randomly brought up.

"Huh? Yeah, I get it. Don't go on a suicide mission, whatever," I yawned. I'd already heard the same thing over and over when it came to the Fireflies.

"I'm serious here," Joel stated, his knuckles whitening from the pressure he was intending on the wheel.

"But can't we just go to New York for their stability? I mean, you heard Maria. They've probably already built a huge community inside those fences of theirs."

"I can't take that risk with you. None of them can know what you can do."

"And what can I do, Joel? I mean, I've let people die because they sacrificed me for the good of the world, but their sacrifices don't mean shit because I'm still alive and there's still no cure," I wasn't yelling, but the force in my voice strained my throat enough.

The first person Joel thought of must've been Tess, since a tear gracelessly made its way on his cheek. I thought he was going to yell back at me. Hell, I would've felt a whole lot better if he just took out his anger and screamed at me until the vain in his neck would look like it would pop. But he didn't. Calmly, Joel spoke, "and I share the guilt that you feel whenever you think about those people."

"It's not just guilt, Joel. It's also shame that I was so selfish to just let them die because I was thinking about curing the world, when in the end, it didn't even happen."

"And who do you think's to blame for that?"

I looked away, facing the window instead of his broken face. I counted backwards starting from ten, hoping that it would calm myself down. It didn't. Instead, my eyes started watering at the count of three.

"We've all got things we're ashamed of, but that doesn't mean we gotta go on a suicide mission to try and make things right," Joel sighed, his tone was less of a serious one.

"Then how can I make things right?" I muttered, fiddling with my thumbs. I thought about Tess, of Sam and Henry and Tommy and all the people that died. I could've prevented those deaths. If I weren't immune, they'd all be alive by now.

"You stay alive long enough for them to figure out how to make a cure without them having to take it out of you and kill you in the process."

There was so much I wanted to tell him, but I kept my mouth shut. I really wish that were the case, Joel. But my chances are one in a million, and creating a vaccine, a cure to rid the world of this horridness? I'm going to take that chance, even if I die in the process. It's the only way I can avenge the deaths of those I've caused.