Diary Of A Suicidal Teenager [first draft] ON HOLD

Sweet Paradise.

I woke up that morning, lying on the bathroom floor. I was thankful that no one was awake yet, or that no one had came to the toilet during the night. Getting up off the floor seemed impossible. I looked down at the floor and almost died of fright. Blood stained the white floor. Shit. How was I going to get this off? I quickly got some bleach from the kitchen cupboards hoping that would help. Luckily enough it did start to fade, but it was still noticeable. My mother was going to kill me if she saw this. Then I had an idea, I still had some white paint left over, I could paint over it. I quickly got the paint and started painting the floor. I was interrupted a good ten minutes later by a knock on the door. I opened the door to see my mother looking extremely tired. I hid the tin of paint on the floor and hid my arm round my back to not raise any alarms. Luckily enough my mother didn't detect any problems and she smiled at me before I left. When I stumbled towards my bed and collapsing on it peaceful sleep finally took over my senses.

My phone must've died because when I went to check the time my phone never switched on. Me been me I got up slower than ever, my hair sticking out in all directions. I gazed down at my rosy red wrists and smiled down at my fresh cuts. I was never the girl who would ever do such a thing, I always thought people done it for attention but when the cold razor ripped open my skin, I felt this happy sensation run through my body. I deserved to be tortured and that's exactly what I done. I knew there was no possible chance of been able to wear short sleeved clothing, long sleeves it is. Searching through my chest of drawers I pulled out a vest top, an over-sized grey jumper and a pair of black leggings. Now this would be my new look for now. Although it made me at ease, and the pain certainly did help but I regret it. What if someone see's the marks. Worst of all what if I get judged for it. Trying to dismiss these thoughts from my mind I plugged in my phone and switched it on. Looks like Dan's been texting me and phoning me but it doesn't matter, I don't need him.

Well actually I do, well it's not as if I do need him, it's more of a case of I want him. Everything about his bad boy ways, I love. The way his lips curve into a smile when I laugh. The way he wraps his arms round my waist when I want to hit his shoulder. The feel of his lips pressed against mine. You know what I decide I should see what he says. If I don't like what he has to say then that's me and him definitely over. The first text read;

Mel, listen. I am sorry. I shouldn't act like such a dick towards you.

The second text, I re-read until my ears started welling up with tears of happiness.

Mel, what I said was highly unforgiveable. I know that. But can I have a second chance. If I ever wanted a second chance of anyone it would be you. You've made me a happy young man Mel, the way you laugh when you're nervous, the way your hair falls over your face to tease me. The way you take small mouthfuls because your nervous to eat. The way your red lip sticks out on your pale face, how perfect you look in skinny jeans. The way you crack jokes to avoid a kiss. I don't want to miss out on that. You are my life Mel. I love you and I always will xxxx

Without thinking I pressed the green button on my phone and with two rings later he picked up the phone. None of us spoke for a few seconds, but I could hear his heavy breathing from down the phone which made my body electrified. Of course Dan would be the one who spoke first.

"Mel, is that you?" He asked slightly worried.

"Yeah it's me" I replied abruptly.

"Oh thank god. Mel I'm sorry, I- I don't-...."

"Apology accepted, you don't have to explain yourself. In fact maybe you should, I've never heard you seem this nervous normally it's me"

"Oh very funny Stevens."