Diary Of A Suicidal Teenager [first draft] ON HOLD

New Room, New Me

Dear Diary,

I've decided I need a fresh start, a new me, a better me. And by doing so I will be starting to decorate my room soon. Sorry for the delay in writing to you friend, I've just had no time to myself lately. I think it's been a week since I last wrote and you're probably wondering what's happened this past week. Ruby and I have spent loads of time together recently and I do like her type of music and if I'm being specific I'd say My Chemical Romance, Blink 182, Muse, Linkin Park, Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, AFI, All American Rejects, Good Charlotte and Bowling for Soup. I still like my favorites Ed Sheeran and 5 Seconds of Summer but I prefer the rock style music. I've also found out that I really love Imagine Dragons too.

Besides spending time with Ruby, guess who actually wrote. Lee Lee. I was beyond happy when I read his letter. He told me how he wanted to be friends again and we should meet up sometime in this long and so far dull holiday. He left me his phone number but so far I haven't gotten round to contacting him.

My parents haven't really argued since last time, but their lovely relationship has somewhat disappeared. I miss the way they used to be. The way they would compliment each other over the slightest thing ever, how they would hold hands when walking in the street together, when they would wash up together and have a water fight with the bubbles off washing up. All these things they used to do seems like forever ago. But forever could be a short time, no one can exactly define forever, it's all in your own perspective I suppose.

So basically this week has been uneventful, I've decided to stop using my crutches and taken my sling off, I don't need them. I find it easier to move around without them anyways, the pain in my arm has died down slightly to the point where I've only taken the pain killers 3 times and not taken them since 3 days ago. Mother is slightly worried about me not taking them but I've reassured her that I will take them when I really do need them.

Did I say that this week has been uneventful? Well sure my parents haven't argued, but my father's basically done one. We don't know where he is, who he is with? And he's been gone for 2 days. No note, no phone calls. Nothing. He's took everything with him? All his clothes and all of his other belongings such as books. If you thought there was a man living in this house, or used to live in this house then you've got it all wrong. There's no trace of him at all. My mother's obviously came to the conclusion that her and him are over so she's locked away all their photos and her ring together.

I suppose Ruby was prepared for this, but I wasn't and neither was Adam and Aidan. They don't ever fight no more, they just sit around and watch stupid old cartoons. You know what hurts the most in this situation. My father leaving just after I got home. I ever got to spend time with him and he's gone. I should feel sad his gone, but know what I'm feeling is far from sad, I'd say it's more anger. Anger towards him for not been a good dad, for not been here right now when the world is crumbling world. I guess write now we're probably better off without him.

I'll write soon.

Love Mellissa x

It's Monday, week 2 of my holidays and it's time for a little decorating. I've came down to the choice of painting my walls white. Maybe it will lighten up my room. I could cover them in posters too. My mother's allowed me to have a new bed, new desk, new TV, bedding, curtains and sometime this week she's going to take me clothes shopping. I could tell my mother was trying to do her best to cope with everything that's going on. She's doing so much better than I thought. Or she was really good at hiding her true emotions.

Today was the day to buy paint, so dragging me, Adam and Aidan into the nearest B & Q store, we drove in silence. Ruby claimed she wanted to go to the library, alone. Mother couldn't argue with that. We all need some time by ourselves. Especially right now. The twins waited patiently while I picked out my white paint and also my knew wooden flooring. After paying for this we headed over to Argos to buy my bed which won't be home for another 2 days. I also picked out my new turquoise curtains, a silver curtain rail, new bedding, my new desk, chest of draws and my new TV. Like I says my bed wasn't going to be home for 2 days and neither was my chest of drawers and desk so right now I would have to make do without these things.