Diary Of A Suicidal Teenager [first draft] ON HOLD

Welcome Home Party

Dear Diary,

Yes this is my second entry today but now that I'm home an my over protective family are keeping a close eye on me I'm not too sure when I will be ever to express my feelings in privacy. So no matter how long it takes for me to write again we will always be friends.

Guess who's obviously home and not extremely happy? ME. isn't that delightful? Besides the fact I love been home, I hate being centre of attention. My sister keeps coming up now and then with cups of coffee to keep my energy levels up but also to make sure I'm not collapsing on the floor or worse dying. My brothers are also constantly running in and out of my bedroom playing some stupid childish game. And my mother she keeps messaging me on my favourite site, Wattpad. I wish I never introduced her to the website, she keeps bugging me when I'm reading. I mean been spoke out loud to while attempting to read is annoying but getting notifications from your mother off wattpad every five minutes is frustrating.

But all this is beyond the point, my stupid family have arranged a welcome back party for me and I'm going to have to attend this. I couldn't look for an excuse, if I say I'm not feeling to well they'll get the wrong idea and could send me back to the mental hospital, I don't have any friends or even a boyfriend so its not like I could say I'm hanging out with them. I mean who would like me to be my boyfriend. And even if they were nice enough to like me I would still be picky. I've watched far too many Disney films with happy endings to dream up my Prince Charming. Or you could say I'm just not that creative.

Getting straight to the point though, I'm tired of feeling trapped here as if my every move is being carefully watched, I can't do anything without people watching me, except go to the bathroom, but still. That's the only thing that was nice about the mental hospital, I had some privacy. I could eat my diner alone if I really wanted to, although eventually I did get put on supervised eating, I could do whatever I wanted to do alone there. I suppose deep down I do miss the mental hospital and especially Lee Lee.

I haven't mentioned Lee Lee, but he's a good laugh. People used to make fun of his learning difficulties to the point he just turned savage against them all. I'm glad he did stick up for himself but he didn't do it in the right way. He was my only friend really. My best friend and it felt good to have someone to talk to when they're more fucked up than me. We talked about everything, he was more like my sister than me. They had the same music taste, dressed quite emo. I didn't notice how much attractive he was until I saw him flirting with one of the nurses. I guess I felt jealous, but we spoke about it and he feels like that's the only way he gets attention of girls, flirting with them. So yes he was quite attractive, more my sisters type than my own, with his bad boy ways and lip piercing. But we never judged each other. Before I left we did have an argument so I guess that makes me a loner again right?

I'll try to write soon.

Love Mellissa x

Down stairs, I can hear my mother and father arguing over what food they should serve for everyone. Coming from Ruby's room I could hear the distant voices of Muse. My brothers were running outside my room playing a game of war or something like that. Besides the loud noises, I was lying on my single wooden bed that had a snowy, white cover on it, reading my favourite emotional book. The Fault In Our Stars. I've read this book countless of times, and I never fail to cry each time I read it. Besides the emotional stuff, it's got to be one of my favourite books of all time.

Over all the shouts, I could hear my name been called out. Slowly getting off my bed I headed towards the top of the stairs. I either should've got up faster or stayed in my room but I was too late now. I called back but I doubt my parents could hear a reply over my screams of pain. I just remember falling down the stairs. And landing on my right arm. I could hear the low crunch before I started crying out in pain. From the top of the stairs I could hear my two brothers laughing uncontrollably. Right now I wanted to smack both their heads off a wall but it seemed impossible since I was in a crumpled heap. I heard my mother's frantic voice telling my father to help me up, I could also hear Ruby at the top of the stairs yelling at the twins. I had to admit I was entirely grateful that she did shout at them. She wouldn't of normally.