Diary Of A Suicidal Teenager [first draft] ON HOLD

My Name's Mellissa and I'm going home.

Dear Diary,

The Psychiatrist says you'll help. You'll be there to listen to me when nobody else is. So now you can be my only friend. You'll help me. Gosh this sounds stupid. I give up now. What's the use. I'm just talking to myself right? Great Mellissa, you're losing your mind one and truly. Again. I don't even know why they allowed me to leave. Guess they don't think I am a little fucked up still. And yet they're so wrong, and they're supposed to be the professionals. Like seriously no? I suppose I'm glad I'm out though, the cool air against my cheeks feels good. I feel like an angel, I've just gained my wings, my wings to freedom. The one thing that would stop my freedom, was my home. Or should I stay prison. My mother's already made some rules up and randomly pointed them out.

Rule 01- I'm not allowed to the gym more than once a week

Rule 02- I'm not allowed to go out alone

Rule 03- I have to spend time downstairs

Rule 04- I have to make friends

Rule 05- I have to eat full fat food

Rule 06- I can't throw up my food

Rule 07- No doing extreme things

Rule 08- Don't do something stupid.

And then there's more. I stopped listening after rule 08, she was becoming a control freak now. Well that's all I can say goodbye friend.

Love Always

Mellissa x

My name is Mellissa Stevens. I'm 15 years old, and I'm 5ft 6, and weigh 6 stone. I'm not good at introducing myself. I'm anti sociable I guess. That's probably the reason I'm a loner. My hair is an auburn colour, my skin is a chalky white, no matter how much time I spend in the sun I wouldn't tan, neither burn too. I have a flat chest and had no curves. I was basically skin and bones. They say that skinny is the new beautiful but I wasn't pretty at all. I had pale blue eyes, really thick eyebrows and my face was oval. My jaw line was very noticeable, I didn't have dimples. I could pick out all the flaws about myself easily.

My hair was a horrible colour. I wasn't skinny enough. I was pale I mean who likes pale people, I look like a vampire. I dress like a boy. I have horrible eyebrows. I look like a zombie. I'm not clever, not funny, pretty or talented at anything except know how to lose calories. If that even counts as a talent. I have what people say as a horrible taste in music. I can't draw or sing. I can't play a musical instrument. So basically I'm a waste of oxygen.

At home I live with my annoying mother who fusses over everything. I'd say she's more mad than me. I don't get why I can't have her good looks; she's so beautiful. She has chocolate brown hair that hangs down to her waist, it's always neatly wavy. She's skinny and gets away with wearing anything. She could wear a bin bag and still pull it off. She was tall about 6ft. She had crystal blue eyes that always sparkled. She wasn't tanned and she wasn't pale but she could easily get a tan. We do have the same thick eyebrows but she always uses the tweezers on hers whereas I can't be bothered to go through that. My mother has a great sense of humour and is always cracking jokes. She is care free and always wears a smile on her face even at the toughest of times.

I also live with my father who is quite strict too but is always there to listen to you. My father is also shorter than my mother which I find quite funny and awkward for my mother. My father is 5 years older than my mother, and his age is simply recognisable he has wrinkles just under his eyes where age has finally caught up with him, his eyes make him seem younger though, I can understand why my mother loves my father's eyes. Right now my father's going through a bald stage in life but before this his hair was jet black. His eyes were a light green. Unlike my mother he wasn't thin, he had a enormous beer belly. Instead of facing his problems he would eat them away, so basically he was a terrible binger.