[ ✓ ] 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 , taewin .

TWENTY THREE

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TWENTY THREE.

❝ although you're everything to me ,
sometimes i am no better than a stranger. ❞
— SING FOR YOU ; EXO.

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Things between Jinhyuck and I are still rocky. I can never tell when he's on the fence or when he's feeling more open-minded than normal. He acts as though nothing happened, which I guess I'm thankful about in a way, but the wall between us is still standing strong.

Sam comes over almost every day. Some days, he stays overnight, and I have to make him and Jinhyuck breakfast. I wouldn't mind it if it were my real dad. Not this stranger I barely know.

Today, though, it's just Jinhyuck and I. He tells me he wants to have a father-son date like we used to do when my real dad was around. The three of us would go on small day trips to different cities, exploring the different areas and their nature and architecture and food. We'd always take a picture in front of the city limit sign, then we would hang them up on a wall in the laundry room. It was halfway full, and then the pictures stopped. When my dad was gone, we didn't think there was a reason to go anywhere anymore.

Jinhyuck turns the radio down as I get into the front seat. He begins driving away as soon as I'm buckled up. He looks over at me every now and then as he takes the most dreaded route we could ever take. But we both need this. We both know it, too.

He grabs my hand as we get close to the destination. For the first time in what feels like awhile, my heart isn't pounding out of my ribcage. I feel okay. Sure, my chest aches, but I don't feel unsafe or weary because of it.

Jinhyuck grabs my hand after he parks the car and steps outside. He squeezes it tight, then letting go and putting his arm around my shoulders. He kisses the side of my face as we walk into the cemetery. He holds my shoulder tight, making sure I'm always as close to him as possible. I don't resist. I know he needs me. I need him too.

He doesn't need to think twice about where exactly to go. I just follow his footsteps, moving along with him as he walks. I don't look up from my feet, for I'm afraid that if I do, the breath will be stolen completely from my lungs. And I really need to breathe.

We don't speak. We barely even move. We just stare, keeping all the horrendous thoughts inside our heads. I want to look at Jinhyuck, but I'm afraid.

After a few minutes, he sits on the cool grass. I watch him as he rests his head in his hands. My eyes begin to burn, but I don't allow any tears to show. I just sit next to Jinhyuck, my hand on his back, keeping his conscience here with me. I don't want him to think he's alone.

I look at his name on the large rock. I brush my finger over the letters embossed in the sediment. My lungs take in a harsh breath, and Jinhyuck lifts his head up. His eyes are red, but he doesn't look like he's hurting. It seems like for the first time, he's gotten closure. He's okay. He looks over at me, kissing my head before pulling me into his side.

He swallows before beginning to speak.

"I called Aimee."

I pull away from him, giving him a confused look.

"She asked you to come in this week. She misses you. I think you miss her too," Jinhyuck elaborates. I don't know what to think, or what to feel. But the smile that forms on my face seems to clear up the confusion for both of us. I let out a stifled chuckle, Jinhyuck pulling me back into his arms. I want to tell him thank you, but I can't seem to find the words.

"She wants to see you," Jinhyuck says quietly, "because she got you an audition. For Joffrey, and Juilliard."

I can't resist my jaw from dropping. Jinhyuck lets out a noise of excitement as he grabs my hand. My heart starts to thud as I imagine even thinking about schools such as those. Years ago, I dreamt about getting to dance in front of such prestigious professors. Every time I would step onstage for something as small as just a dress rehearsal, I'd imagine the judges Juilliard would hire sitting out in the audience. For years, I wanted this more than anything. And now, after years of rest from dance, I was still getting it.

"Wow," I exhale. "I don't know what to say. I mean, I don't even know if I can still—"

"You can, Sicheng." Jinhyuck runs his hand over my hair, looking at me like I'm the most important thing in the world. "Start saying yes to yourself."

I touch the grass beneath us, slowly touching the letters on the stone again. "I'm doing it, dad." I inhale deeply, my chest shaking as I try my hardest to hold back tears. They seem to be stronger than I am, and they pour out like rain. "You said, someday I can be the Nutcracker. Or even just the King Mouse. But you would be proud, and now, I'm doing it."

Jinhyuck smiles wide as he pulls me into a hug. I hold him tight, letting my tears fall out at their own pace. Jinhyuck squeezes me tighter the more the seconds pass.

"I'm so proud of you," he says into my ear. "Your father is too. I love you, Sicheng. To the moon and back."

My heart falls to my stomach. Those words, Jinhyuck and my dad used to say to me every night before bed. Hearing them leave his lips again makes me ache.

"I love you too, Dad."