[ ✓ ] 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 , taewin .

NINE

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NINE.

❝ god knows where i would be if you
hadn't found me sitting all alone in the dark. ❞
— SICK OF LOSING SOULMATES ; DODIE.

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Taeyong's car smells of citrus and smoke. That's what he smelled sometimes—mostly just citrus if he hadn't smoked a joint the same day. But by the looks of the pipe sitting in the cupholder, he just had a few hits.

He drives to the park, of course. The sun is already beginning to set, so there surely won't be any babies and moms there. We can see that we get the place all to ourselves when he pulls into the parking lot.

He walks ahead of me, and I'm almost tempted to run up to him and grab his hand. But I stay behind. I remember what he said the other day. You're a good friend.

We walk around the perimeter of the park in silence. I know Taeyong is waiting for me to say something, but the truth is, I don't know what to say. Maybe I just needed his company. Maybe just simply seeing his face would make things better.

Instead of taking a seat on the bench, Taeyong walks up the steps to one of the bigger playsets. I follow him closely, until he sits down at the highest point of the structure, right in front of the slides. He leans back against the metal bars and lets out a deep breath. I suddenly feel guilty for dragging him here. Having to listen to me complain probably won't make the situation any better, either.

"Everything okay?" Taeyong asks as he glances at me. His eyes squint at the setting sun. When it shines on his skin, he glows, his skin appears golden. God, I wish I could touch him again.

"I'm just angry," I begin. "At everyone."

Taeyong frowns. "Even me?"

I raise my eyebrows at him with disapproval, only jokingly, though. "Not you, no."

He grins.

"You can talk to me too," Taeyong says after a pause. "You've been here for me. It's the least I can do to repay you."

I swallow hard. The thing is, I don't know what to talk about. If I talk about how Jinhyuck has met someone new, I have to explain everything that happened years back, all that I've had to hold on my shoulders the past several years. I don't want to tell him those things. I need to be the strong one—he needs me. There's nothing new about what I'm feeling. Confusion and anger were common emotions I held within me.

"It's Jinhyuck. He's got a boyfriend, apparently." I tuck my knees into my chest, looking down into my lap. I don't want Taeyong to see me get upset. That's the last thing I want. "I should be happy for him, but I'm not. I'm really not happy."

I run my finger along the surface of the structure. It's cold and scratchy along my fingertip. Taeyong watches me trace different patterns, not saying a word.

"He hasn't seen anyone in at least five years. I'm just upset that he gets to move on but I still have to dwell in the past."

Taeyong licks his lips and bites down on the inside of his cheek. I know he's thinking of something to say that will help, but truly, the only thing that could help the situation in any way at all would for my dad to be here again and Jinhyuck to never see this new boyfriend of his ever again.

"I don't know the whole story," Taeyong starts. He moves his gaze from my hand to my eyes. My stomach churns. I look down at my lap again. "But I know what that's like. Feeling betrayed. It sucks. And you have a right to be upset."

God, I want to hold his hand right now. I want to hold him. Taeyong doesn't ask questions. He just exists, and I don't realize how much I just want him, until he gives me a small grin. My heart starts racing.

I need him to know, I want him to know. Right now, the possibilities of it pushing him away doesn't matter. I need someone—Taeyong—to be close to me.

Clenching down on my jaw, I grip onto the cloth of my navy-blue basketball shorts. "Jinhyuck used to be married. My dad," I pause. "He was with my dad. They were married. They were in love. I thought they were in love. They loved me, they loved each other. My life was so full of love. Their lives were too. I thought they were. I don't know why I thought that, it wasn't true, it was all a lie, I just—"

One second I'm rambling, the next, there's lips on mine. Warm, small, but soft. And, there's a hand on top of mine. Fragile, thin, cold fingers over mine. They tighten around mine as the lips pull away. I look up at the eyes. Those buggy, puppy-dog eyes. My heart twists inside my chest.

Taeyong's nose brushes against my cheek as he moves closer to me. "It's okay," he says softly. He cups my face in the hand that isn't holding mine. Then he kisses me again, this time, I feel it more than just my mouth. His tongue slips past my teeth, which causes me to jolt. He pulls away again.

I just sit there, wide eyed, not moving. His hand leaves my cheek. Taeyong's eyes pierce right through me as I struggle to catch my breath. A feeling so foreign such as having lips on mine never felt so great, and I missed it. I stare at his mouth as it curves into that perfect little smile. I poke the end of his grin with my finger.

"You were rambling." Taeyong takes my hand and kisses my knuckles.

I giggle. "I'm sorry."

He kisses my cheek. His lips are so warm against my cold skin, I want them all over me. I don't want to have to go back home to Jinhyuck. I don't want to see Yuta or Taeil at school tomorrow. I just want to stay here, with Taeyong, forever. Kissing him and touching him.

It's all I want.