[ ✓ ] 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 , taewin .

TWELVE

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TWELVE.

❝ im just a loser
who loves you. ❞
— SHINE ; PENTAGON.

—

trigger warning
be safe

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Time eventually proved that Taeyong was the only person I could rely on. He asks about me everyday. He hugs me when we sneak into the bathroom during class. Sometimes, he prefers talking and making sure I'm really okay, getting every word out of me. But other days, I tell him that I don't want all that. I just want him to kiss me and hold me. So he'll do just that.

Today's different, though. We both just want each other's company. He wants to make me feel special, and I want to just feel him. See him. Be with him.

His mom already has samgyeopsal prepared when I come over. His entire family sits with us at dinner—and I love them. I could get used to being here in Taeyong's dwelling more. His dad is funny. He cracks jokes as much as possible, but doesn't ever make the mood uncomfortable. Taeyong's sister is the same way—funny, but at a pace. She isn't usually at the house, since she lives with her boyfriend, according to Taeyong. And his mom is really nice. Sweet like honey. She has a really calming voice. I love them all.

They ask me about my likes and dislikes. I tell them about how I used to dance. And when they ask about my family, I tell them the truth.

"I live with my dad, I guess," I say. But I hate the way that sounds. Calling Jinhyuck dad. It's not right. It hasn't been right. "He's gay. He has a boyfriend, actually. But I haven't met him."

Taeyong looks at me with concern as we eat. His parents do the same. His sister just eats away, probably trying to distract herself.

"The one I live with—Jinhyuck—he's not my real dad. My real dad passed away when I was twelve. Jinhyuck was just his boyfriend." Taeyong grabs my hand under the table. He furrows his eyebrows, and I don't think it's out of concern anymore. He wants me to shut up. But, he's also surprised. It's not like he knew all the details before this very moment.

Taeyong's parents exchange looks. I can tell they're already going to say something to me out of pity, and I let them. They can't be blamed.

"I'm sorry, Sicheng," Mr. Lee says.

"Me too," I reply. Taeyong brushes his foot up on mine. The corner of my mouth lifts, but I restrain from completely smiling.

Once we all finish eating, Taeyong takes me to the living area in their basement. It's the perfect temperature and the perfect setting. He has Star Wars: Return of the Jedi queued up on the TV. Popcorn is already set up in a large bowl on a table next to the couch. Taeyong grabs my hand, dragging me to the sofa. We curl up close, and he wraps a large blanket around both our shoulders.

"You're the best," I tell Taeyong as he grabs the popcorn from the table. He smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Not when you exist." He takes a bite of popcorn and grins as he chews. He then feeds me a piece before placing his hand on my shoulder, pulling me in for a kiss. I laugh, and he only kisses me deeper. I shove him away playfully.

"I change my mind. You're not the best," Taeyong teases. I roll my eyes. He giggles.

"Just put the movie on, dumbass." I steal his hand, holding it tight. I kiss his knuckles. He squeezes my hand tighter.

The opening title begins to roll, and while Taeyong reads it, I watch him. I can tell he's trying to get invested in the story to impress me, but he doesn't know that he already has. He did a while ago.

I lean into his side, and eventually I end up on his lap. He keeps his arms close to me. One hand holds mine, another wrapped around my waist. I brush that hand with my fingers, just to remind him that I'm still here. He'll kiss my head.

At the point where Han reunites with Leia after being in the frozen carbonite, Taeyong leans his forhead on my shoulder. I can tell he's already bored.

"Hey," I say quietly as I pat the side of his head. "You wanna stop?"

He nuzzles his forehead into the crook between my neck and shoulder. He moves the arm wrapped around my waist to just the side of my body, sneaking his hand under my shirt. I turn around so I face him completely. 

"Not unless you do." Taeyong's thumb brushes the side of my torso where my ribs are. I wrap my arms around his neck, stroking where his hair tapers off. He doesn't show any expression—his lips stay in a flat line, his eyebrows are at rest, his eyes just pierce into mine. For once, I don't want to kiss him. I enjoy just sitting here and looking at him, admiring him. He's really perfect. And he's mine. 

I reach towards the side table and grab the remote, pausing the movie. Taeyong puts his hand on the outside of my thigh, brushing his fingers over my denim jeans. He looks back at my eyes. "Why didn't you tell me all those things," he mumbles. "The stuff you said at dinner."

I let out a sigh. He stops caressing my leg. "Sometimes I feel comfortable saying that stuff. Other days, I need to forget about it." He swallows hard. "It's nothing against you, Tae. I love you."

He grins. "I know. I just feel like a bad person for not knowing. Not helping you as much as you probably need me to, you know?"

I take his face, cupping it in my hands. He lets out a light chuckle. "You're a great person. And I'm okay. I'm perfect. As long as I have you, everything is okay. Okay?"

He kisses me lightly. Keeping our faces close, he says, "okay."