[ ✓ ] 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 , taewin .

THREE

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THREE.

❝ tell me something sweet
to get me by. ❞
— IF IT MEANS A LOT TO YOU ; A DAY TO REMEMBER.

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School goes rather smooth, even despite me barely knowing my way around or knowing half the students roaming the halls. Yuta and Taeil do a decent job of making me feel included—at lunch, they ask me questions, all in front of the other boys, which sparks conversation with them. I don't feel the most accepted by them, however.

Except Jaehyun. I remember him from middle school. I never really forgot him, and I don't think I ever will.

He was in my seventh-grade science class. I remember that period like the back of my hand. The teacher was nice, but the kids in the class weren't. Jaehyun was always my go-to partner when it came to group projects or assignments. He was normally really accepting of me. He'd smile and invite me over to his desk space and we'd laugh and make jokes all the while doing our schoolwork. I remember waking up everyday, ecstatic to see Jaehyun. See the dimples that formed when he smiled brightly. His bubbly giggle.

I didn't know I fell in love with Jaehyun until he told me that I wasn't allowed to like him.

"I know you have a crush on me." He came up to me during lunch when barely anybody else had arrived to the cafeteria. He sat across from me, and had a disgusted look on his face. "You can't do that, Sicheng."

I had a confused look on my face. I didn't understand. Why couldn't I like someone? Why was I not allowed to find someone's smile cute? Why was it wrong for me to think he was a good, loveable person?

"W-why? How come?"

He scanned the area around us, making sure nobody was listening.

"I'm a boy. You're a boy. You can't do that," he explained. But I was still confused.

I ate lunch in the bathroom that day. I felt too humiliated to be stared at by anyone of the male gender for the remainder of the day.

I feel sick as Jaehyun sits across from me. We're alone. I wait anxiously for Yuta and Taeil and the rest of the group to arrive. To avoid making any eye contact with Jaehyun, I stare at my feet. I notice in that moment how dirty my shoes are. They're just plain, off-white slip-on sneakers. I also notice how skinny my ankles are around them. I look back up, and I see Jaehyun, how bulky and not-twig-like he is compared to me. He's buff. He's muscular. I begin to feel more afraid than uncomfortable being alone with him.

After what feels like a century, Taeil sits next to me, and more people begin to fill up the cafeteria. While I have nothing to eat, Taeil begins chowing down on apple slices. My stomach growls as I listen to him masticate the food.