Fifteen years

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As I waited for Derek in the lobby of Seattle Grace Hospital, I gazed around and thought; my life, so it seems, is going better than it ever had. I was happy, a big deal for an eternally miserable person like myself. And even though butterflies still filled my stomach, so did a feeling of dread.

I knew something was going on, even though I refused to admit it to myself. A woman knows when a man is dishonest, and I found myself trying desperately to drown myself in the happiness I felt to get rid of my uneasiness. I chalked it up to my trust issues, my abandonment issues, my general anxiety over loving somebody.

I blamed it on every single factor I could possibly think of, except for Derek, because he was perfect in every single way and he loved me and I loved him; why ruin a good thing because my stomach twisted every time he hit ignore on the ever-present calls he got on his cell phone?

"Ready?" Derek smiles, all tall, dark and handsome. He was dreamy in every way, and as much as I knew it, I also knew he was so much more. He radiated patience and kindness and love, which were all things I hadn't let myself feel in fifteen years.

"Yeah" I smile and he takes my hand in one of his and leans in to kiss my forehead. It had been a long day, and I was more than ready to cuddle up with him and just be.

And then I saw her.

A tornado of red hair with lipstick matching to boot, it would've been impossible not to recognize her; she was beautiful, stunning, and I knew without a doubt it was her despite all the time that had passed. I swear my heart stopped, my breathing ceased, and all I could see was her.

Derek noticed her, too, but he had quite a different reaction; his features went stone cold, and I knew that somehow, someway, she was the cause for the dread I carried around daily.

When she notices me, she stops dead in her tracks. Her eyes meet mine for the first time in over a decade, and we just stare. Those eyes I once knew so well seemed so different, yet the same in so many ways. She looked older, more worn out compared to her once spry self, but still she had the same spark.

The silence is suffocating, but Derek's voice cut through it like a knife.

"Addison" he says, not a hint of the kindness or love I'd grown to know in his voice. "What are you doing here?" He's looking at her, but her eyes don't leave mine, and when a look of realization crosses over her, I know the next five seconds would bring a hailstorm.

"I'm Addison Shepherd, and you must be the woman who's screwing my husband" voice like silk, the same as I remembered, saying each letter like a spell but each word like a curse. It takes me a moment to process, but once I realized what she's said, I drop Derek's hand like its on fire and take a step back.

"What?" I can't conjure up anything more than that; my mouth feels like it's stuffed full of cotton balls and my mind is blank; was the world moving in slow motion, or was it going faster? Either way, I wouldn't have been able to tell.

"Meredith" Derek says, but I just shake my head.

"Addison?" I ask, disbelief in my voice as I turn to look at her once again. "You're married?" A stupid question, really, but one I had to ask. I had to feel the words leaving my mouth, and taste the vibrations they made.

But really, I wasn't sure which shocked me more; that she was married, or that he was married.

"Ten years" she says solemnly, looking at me with such sober eyes I nearly shook. "Well, nearly ten; our anniversary would be in three months"

"A December wedding" I muse, forgetting Derek even exists as I stare down the eyes in front of me. My heart was hurting and my mind was racing; everything was so sudden, and the shock in my blood made a home in my chest. Even breathing hurt like hell.

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