MerAdd Oneshots

Will you marry me?

Tw: mentions of drug use.

I saw her at her worst, and that's when I decided I wanted to marry her.

Addison was shaking, right in front of me she was shaking as if her entire body was freezing. She was pale, paler than I'd ever thought a living person could be, and she was broken out in cold sweats.

"Meredith, leave" she groaned in pain. "You don't need to see me like this, I can't even look at myself right now"

Addison was detoxing.

She had gotten addicted to prescription drugs after a car accident; she'd gotten strong painkillers which she continued to take even after she'd been cleared by doctors.

She'd come to my room one night, really late, sobbing hysterically. She was high, I knew she was, her eyes were red and she was shaking like a leaf. She told me she was addicted to pain pills, she told me she hated it and she told me she hated herself. My heart broke, and in that moment all I wanted to do was take her pain away.

I stuck by her side; I was in love with her. Her pain was mine, and I couldn't bear to know just how hard this was for her.

It was that night that I'd decided I would do everything in my power to help her detox. She needed to get back to the person she was, a person who loved herself, because I loved her too much to know she lay awake at night in a pit of self loathing.

"I'm not leaving" I tell her firmly, running a hand through her hand soothingly "I'm here for the long haul. You know that" leaving her alone wasn't an option; she needed me to be here to take care of her.

"I'm gonna throw up" was all she said, before jumping up and running to the bathroom. Faster than lightening, I was hot on her heels, and I just made it in time to hold her hair back as she threw the entire contents of her stomach up into the toilet.

Even when there was nothing coming up, she dry heaved for a solid five minutes. Her body was wracking violently, and all I wanted to do was make it go away for her. But, as life doesn't work that way, I did what I could and rubbed her back soothingly with one hand, while keeping her hair away from her face with the other.

"This is disgusting. I don't want you to have to be here for this" she mutters, slouching back against the wall.

"I don't have to be here, I want to be" I tell her, running a cold cloth over her face "you're the love of my life, I want to be here for everything. The good and the bad" I don't think I'd meant anything more in my life; I needed her to know that I wasn't gonna up and run every time something went wrong.

"I'm the love of your life?" She smiles softly, eyes closed in exhaustion "you're the love of my life too. I'm sorry I turned into a drug addict"

"You're not a drug addict" I tell her, fully believing it myself.

"Look at me" she whispers. She's paler now, with dark circles under her eyes and sweat beading on her forehead "I'm detoxing. I was taking drugs I didn't need for six months, and I wasn't telling you. I was popping pills all the time, and I never bothered to ask you for help. We're supposed to tell everything to each other"

"You were struggling, and it's okay that you didn't tell me right away" I say sincerely "you didn't know what to do, and I get that" she needed time to figure out what she was doing before she spoke to me about it.

"I didn't want you to leave me" she mumbles "I was afraid you'd leave me and I didn't want to risk that. I wanted to fix it on my own so you wouldn't hate me"

"Baby" I coo softly "I'd never leave you" there was no way I'd ever be able to fathom even considering leaving her; she was my world. Everything I loved about myself was everything she brought out in me. She made me a better person each and every day, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

"Dealing with all of this? You really would never leave me even though I'm a drug addicted moron who lied to you because I was scared you'd do what's best for you and get the hell away from me?" She sounds so down on herself and so defeated, and it makes my heart hurt.

How could she not see how amazing she is? How could she not love herself, because I knew there was so much to love.

"Marry me" I ask, as a statement rather than a question "be my wife, and I'll promise to stay forever. You make me the happiest person alive, and I can't imagine not loving you"

She opens her eyes at this, and they go as wide as saucers. "Meredith..."

"If this is you at your worst, then fine, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, and I love you so much even now, and I'll love you even more tomorrow. Marry me, so I can keep multiplying my love for you as each day goes by"

I didn't have a ring, but I had my love. And that was more than enough.

She said yes.