MerAdd Oneshots

I still love you

She'd left me, and I never went searching. I never tried to make it right, and I still hadn't set foot in the home we'd made together, my Mother's house in Seattle. She left, and I locked the doors and didn't go back. I couldn't bear to be there without her.

Lost in thought, I jump when the door opens and for the first time in three years I see the woman I fell in love with so long ago. The woman who made me fall in love with being alive after a lifetime of darkness. She'd made me whole when I wasn't sure I could be, and she loved me when I couldn't even love myself.

My heart hurts as I study her face, still looking down at the chart in one hand and a coffee in her other, not yet noticing my presence. She's cut her hair; once long red locks now sat, a shade darker, just above her shoulders. But besides that, she looks the exact same; and it shocks me that I'm filled with a sense of longing, of missing her.

"Ms. Williams, I'm Doctor Montgomery, I'll be your obstetrician..." she looks up at me, and her face falls straight to the floor, along with the chart she was holding. I was surprised the coffee stayed in her firm grip.

"Meredith" she says, looking as if she's seen a ghost. "Meredith, what the hell?" She asks, snapping out of her trance and back into her normal state. And fuck, if my chest didn't cease when she said my name after so long.

"I didn't think you'd see me if I used my real name. I had to ask Callie where you worked now, not that she wanted to tell me" I'd known Addison had moved out of state, but her whereabouts remained a mystery to me for the three years we were apart.

Until now.

"I need to talk, we've got some things to sort out and it's not like I could've just called you" I defend myself, and she just looks at me with the same tired expression she wore the night she walked out. She same tired expression I didn't run after.

"Lets go to my office. An exam room isn't exactly an appropriate setting for this" she leads me out and down the hall, to a shiny door with an even shinier name plate reading 'Doctor Addison Forbes-Montgomery'. As soon as I'm in, the door is shut and locked behind me and the curtains promptly closed, blocking us from any outside onlookers.

"Please sit, Jesus knows I need to" she says, and I sit across from her desk. She looks shaken as she sits in her chair, and I suddenly feel bad for springing this onto her so suddenly.

"I'm sorry to come back like this. I don't mean to upset you, but it's been three years and we just didn't take care of some things" we'd never gotten divorced; legally, we were still married and we both knew it. Divorce would involve lawyers and meetings and frankly, the thought of it just killed me. I couldn't bring myself to sit down with a stranger and try to divide up the love we'd created the day we got married.

I didn't serve her with divorce papers, and she never served me with any. It was a situation that was best left unaddressed, at the time.

"Why now?" She shakes her head, her hair bouncing slightly. "I mean, it's been three years. I expected to have to do this at some point, but I figured you'd send a lawyer. I'd sign here, you'd sign in Seattle, and that would be it"

"Come on Addie, our marriage deserved more than a couple of papers signed" its scary how quickly her nickname slips from my mouth "I couldn't just send you papers, even after all this shit, it still means more than that. At least, it does to me" I confess, and its odd to say it out loud. I needed to see her, I couldn't just end it without speaking to her.

"Why now?" She asks again, a broken look across her beautiful face.

I sigh, and lean back in my chair. I find it hard to say the words I came all this way to say. Stuck at the tip of my tongue, I have to wrestle with myself to get them out.