Crying at the Moon

Eclipse

   The moon and sun was never meant to collide. 

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"I know she doesn't feel the same anyway."

"Did she tell you that?"

"Indirectly, yes." 

"You'll never be sure unless you ask her directly."

"I feel like that would be suicide."

"And you think loving someone in secret isn't?" 

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Yongsun is quiet.

She wanted to apologize for what transpired earlier before Byul walked out of their room, but acknowledging it meant that Yongsun acknowledges something unspoken between them; something she was not ready to tackle.

And it was such a shame because she fought her sleepiness just to see Byul.

She imagined all these scenarios in her head about how their conversation would go. But then Byul got home with Wheein, and it made Yongsun feel something inside of her she was not willing to admit. And now it's awkward, and they're both distant, and Yongsun couldn't help but feel this crushing sadness of how it wasn't how it was supposed to be.

"Yong." Byul's voice was hoarse, as if her voice was hesitating to make a sound just like the owner of it.

Yongsun immediately looks up, a little relieved to know that they were still on speaking terms.

"Can we talk?" Byul asks; she knows Yongsun feels sleepy, but she wanted to talk while she still has the courage to ask her question.

"About what?" Yongsun asks, even though she has a pretty good idea where their conversation is going judging by Byul's manner of speaking; maybe she wanted to prolong the inevitable.

"Us." Byul manages to utter, proving Yong that her hunch was indeed correct.

"Byul." Yongsun sighs, knowing that she wasn't ready to talk about it yet, but not having it in her to turn down Byul's request to talk.

And it was enough for Moonbyul to get the message, but she didn't want to stop there. She wanted to know- no - she's desperate to know if Yongsun could possibly feel the same. If Yongsun knows what she's going through, and if she experiences long sleepless nights because of her too.

Byul is desperate to know if Yongsun's heart is broken in the same places as hers.

She needs to know that she's not the only one hurting. She needs to know if any of it actually meant something to Yongsun; if she actually meant anything to Yongsun.

"I lo-" Moonbyul starts, but something in the way Yongsun looked at her made her stop.

"Byul." Yongsun calls out her name again, but this time she's looking directly at Byul with pleading eyes.

She knows what the rapper is going to say, and she wanted, so bad, to hear it...but if Byul says it now, she's not sure if she could say it back, so she begs her not to say it, at least not now- not yet.