Timelines (Phan au)

Epilogue: Songs end, but music lives on

December 27th, 2089

--

I roll PJ up the small hill where Dan's funeral is held at. He's in a wheelchair because he can't stand up for that long. I visited him everyday since finding him again. My parents still believe I'm doing volunteering work and that this is also a part of it. I doubted if it was a good idea to come. Afraid that his family will recognize me from the few videos we've made together or the questions that people will ask when I'll no doubt start crying. I'm not supposed to know him after all. PJ however assured me that everything will be fine. That no one will look up surprised when someone breaks down and that his family will be too busy mourning to actually focus on the people who came to say goodbye. When we arrive, I realize that he's right. There are so many people that no one looks up when we arrive. I stand behind PJ when the ceremony begins. I look over at the black urn with Dan's ashes in. I can't help but smile softly when I see the color of the flowers around his picture. Black roses.
It doesn't take long before the crowd starts crying, including me and PJ. What starts out as a few single tears quickly turns into ugly crying when I hear the stories of his family and the sad songs they're playing. Both new and old ones. I'm startled with surprise when I see Janice from the museum stand behind the microphone. Until I remember Dan call his granddaughter Janice as well. It's a small world. Especially with time travel involved. My respect for her rises when I realize she still took care of all those kids with a smile while she must've been crying on the inside after hearing about her grandfather's death. She tells us a beautiful story about how Dan was always there for her. How he baked her pancakes and told her all kinds of stories. How he taught her how to tie her shoelaces and how he always managed to put a smile on her face. I rest my arms on PJ's backrest and cry in them to muffle the noise as she continues to describe the Dan I know and remember while bringing up stories I wish I was a part of or could've witnessed. She leaves the little stage only to be replaced by another family member with even more beautiful and sad stories about the boy I love. PJ grabs my hand when a painfully familiar song comes on and I feel like having a heart attack. No. Why? I fall on my knees next to PJ with clenched jaws to not scream it out in pain. It physically hurts to hold back as much as I am. It feels like I'm about to explode. My breathing speeding up until I start to see black dots in front of my eyes from the lack of oxygen I take in. "A long endless highway, you're silent beside me. Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from. Helplessly praying the light isn't fadin'. Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones." PJ pulls his hand out of my grasp and I realize vaguely that I've been crushing it in mine. He grabs my shoulder instead. I cry on the armrest of his wheelchair as he rubs my back comforting. Memories of Dan and I and everything that has to do with this song flashes before my eyes and I can't take it anymore. My head feels like it's about to melt down. My heart as if it's about to jump out of my chest. "Pull you in to feel your heartbeat. Can you hear me screaming, 'please don't leave me'? Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you."  What once was a song I adored so much has now become one of pure torture. How could I ever be so stupid to leave? To come here? To his funeral of all places? How did I ever think that I was strong enough for that? The song ends, but I don't lift my head up until the end of the ceremony. I hear how people are leaving and take in a deep breath before letting go of PJ's wheelchair. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay." PJ whispers. I even out my breathing and wipe my face clean with the gloves I'm wearing. I hope he's right. I clear my throat and stand back up. Wiping off the snow that soaked my pants from my knees down. I look at PJ for a few seconds, seeing the grieve mirrored in his eyes. His also red and puffy from crying. I lay my hand on his shoulder as I look over at Dan's picture. It's one where he's already old, but he still looks lively and happy. Smiling at the camera with a cup of coffee in his hand. His sneaky dimples making an appearance as well. I'm not even doubting the fact that he's looking at his wife because I recognize the glint in his eyes from when he used to look at me like that. PJ told me she died half a year ago. I feel like that's when Dan decided it was enough. That he fought long enough. According to Dil's story he still smiled daily, even after her death, because, so he told us, he knew that he lived a happy and long life. I wipe away the last stubborn tears away before looking back at my literally old friend. "Are you okay?" He asks with a husky voice. I shake my head. "No. But I will be." I reply honest. Dan's last wish for me was to be happy again and I tend to fulfill that wish. No matter how hard it'll be. He never broke his promise to me, so I don't intend on breaking mine to him. "PJ, glad to see you hear old pal!" I turn around when I recognize the voice. All be it a little more strained. Chris stumbles towards us with his cane. He's gotten bald and wears a fake denture in his mouth. "Phil? Blimey is that really you?" He asks when he sees me as well. He rubs in his eyes as if he can't believe it. "You haven't changed a bit!" He proclaims. I chuckle softly. Glad I'm reunited with him as well. If only the most important person was here as well. Alive and well. "I wish I could say the same about you." I joke . Eyeing him up and down. "Now, now. A funeral isn't a place to be rude to your elders, Philip." He points at me, trying to seem serious, but he never lost that mischievous glint in his eyes so it seems. "Kids these days." He taps PJ's feet with his cane. PJ snickers as well. Clearly relieved to see his best friend again as well. I bet they don't see each other as often anymore. It must be difficult to meet up as often as they used to. "It's good to see you again, Phil. When did you get back? It can't have been long." Chris then asks me. "A few days ago." I reply. "Were you-" "Too late?" I interrupt him. "Yeah, he died the day I got back." I mutter. Looking down at my shoes. PJ squeezes my hand again. "The world will be a darker place without grandpa's lame sarcastic jokes and funny stories." We all jump up startled at the new voice. I turn pale when I see it's Janice again. "Hello, Janice. How are you coping, dear?" PJ smiles sadly at her. She shakes her head softly at him before looking back up at me. "I usually say drinks on you when meeting for the third time, but I feel like I should be the one buying you a drink instead." She laughs humorless. Her eyes red and puffy from crying. I don't think anyone here left with clear eyes. "You're not just Phil, are you?" She asks. I blink stupidly at her. "You're the Phil, are you not? The one grandpa kept telling stories about?" She clarifies. I open and close my mouth a few times without sound coming out before shaking my head. "To be honest with you I don't really know who your grandpa was. I'm just here to bring an old friend of his."  I let the lie slip past my lips. It feels sickening to know I've always known the day Dan would die. "Yeah, he volunteers at my nursery. I've told him a lot of stories from back in the day." PJ pitches in. Janice lifts her eyebrow unimpressed at us. "Sure cries a lot for a stranger's funeral." She notes and I gulp. She saw me? She was watching me as I had a breakdown? "I-I, uh, I don't do really well with funerals." I mutter. "Sensitive boy, this one." Chris taps his cane against my leg. "Alright, then where did you go that you only got back the day we ran into each other?" She crosses her arms in front of her. "Just a trip." I whisper. "I don't really think that's any of your business, young lady." PJ tries to steer away from the topic. She looks away from me, but not because of what PJ said. She points at Chris. "You're not adding up either, uncle Chris. Aren't older people supposed to say how much we youngsters change after not seeing them for a while?" She asks. Chris shakes his head. "Not me. I'm a weird old guy. I tell people how little they've changed." He sticks his chin up proudly. She eyes him a few more seconds before dropping her arms beside her again with a deep sigh. "I guess I'm just making up stories in my head. It must be because of the grief. My apologies. I guess it's really just one big coincidence that you're here with some of grandpa's closest friends." She looks into my eyes for a few more seconds. Almost as if to beg me to tell her the truth. But I can't, can I? She eventually sighs disappointed and turns around. "Phew, that was a close one, wasn't it?" Chris whistles relieved. PJ sighs as he rolls his eyes and I just look at him unbelievable. "What? What did I say?" He asks confused. "I'm literally still here." Janice speaks up. Turning back to us. Chris jumps up startled. "Jezus! It's rude to stand in a poor, old man's blind spot girl!" He says with his hand over his chest. "How haven't you told anyone else yet?" PJ wonders. Shaking his head slowly. His old friend shrugs. "I may have told a few people at a bar when I was drunk, but you know, who believes a drunk or an old, senile man anyway, right?" He replies. "Unbelievable. I just really can't believe that you're still my best friend." PJ mutters. Chris winks at him and opens his mouth to say something else, but Janice interrupts him. "It doesn't matter anyway. I already knew, I was just hoping to hear it from you as well." She speaks up. I raise my eyebrow. "How did you know?" I ask her. Confusion making my eyebrows knit together. "Well, for starters, the first time we ran into each other, you didn't carry a suitcase and the second time you did." I open my mouth to interrupt her and blow holes in her logic. Because maybe I just lost and found my luggage, or she simply didn't see it the first time. But she stops me by holding up her hand. "Secondly, like I said before, grandpa told us all the stories about how he fell in love with a magical being that came from the future and how it lifted up his soul from the dark to put it on a bright, warm path full of love, hope and strength. Both my dad and I always believed it to be fiction. But grandma was so into it as well and when I saw his reaction at the parade or when I recorded that video he made two years ago, I wasn't so sure anymore. I've seen grandpa's old YouTube videos, including the ones when he was about my age. I've seen the ones where he's laughing with and looking dreamy at a ravened haired boy with piercing blue eyes." She tells me and I let my teeth sink in my bottom lip. "Imagine my surprise when I run into an exact copy of that boy the day my grandpa died." She continues. Tears now brimming in her eyes. "Or when I was rummaging through his pictures to find a good one for today and finding a shoe box labeled 'Phil'.  Guess who I saw when I opened that box? Guess who was on those pictures? Together with my grandpa?" Tears started rolling down her cheeks now. "So it's all true isn't it? All the stories grandpa told me? You really went back in time where you met him?" She asks. Almost desperate for the confirmation. That's when it hits me why this is so important to her. She already lost her grandma and now her grandpa too. They clearly had a great bond. I bet she just wants closure and something real to keep his memory alive. His past alive. "I-I'm not sure what Dan told you in those stories, b-but yes, I did wind up back in time and we did fall in love there." I admit. The words feeling heavy when thy leave my tongue. She lets out a shaky breath. Nodding as she tries to keep it together. "If you loved him as much as he always said you did, then why did you leave him? He was heartbroken. He tried to hide it, but I could see the worry in both grandma and dad's faces when he got quiet and played with that stupid little pendant of his." She bites. I take a step back. Closing my eyes tightly as I shake my head. "No." I whisper. Every word feeling like a knife to the heart. He was happy. I tell myself to calm down. He was happy in the end. "Y-you don't understand. I-I had to." I whisper. Feeling myself slip back in that spiral of doubt. I had to. He found his happiness again. I did nothing wrong, I had to. "Phil's parents wouldn't survive losing another kid. Did your grandpa tell you about that as well?" Chris speaks up. Jumping to my defense. "About why he had to leave? About the difficult and selfless choice had to make?" He asks her. "Besides, if he would've stayed he would've altered the timeline and you, for instance, wouldn't be here." PJ contributes. I look at my feet for a few more seconds. Trying to calm my mind before collecting enough nerves to face her again. She looks at me with curious, caramel brown eyes. I feel another hit to my chest when I notice how similar they are to Dan's. The same sympathy visible in them. "It's really recent for you then?" She questions. I nod carefully. "I saw him for the last time five days ago." I reply with a weak voice. I kissed him for the last time five days ago. I held him for the last time five days ago. I spoke to him for the last time five days ago. "You must feel so broken." She whispers and I look back up at her with surprise. She just stares into my eyes, knowingly. I look at my feet for another second and take in a deep breath. "I do. I-I honestly have no idea how to get through this. How to- how to start healing again." I admit softly. PJ grabs my hand in his again while Chris squeezes my shoulder softly. I smile sadly at them. We've all lost a wonderful and truly amazing person. Only I did twice in a single week. Mere months after losing my brother for the second time in a row as well. How is it possible for the world to be so cruel? I wonder if it's ever going to end or if this was the awful, but final episode to the show that is my misery. If the world will let me try to live in peace again. I can't believe that it's only been two weeks since I saw everyone at my goodbye party. I sigh softly and let go of PJ and Chris again. "We-we can go have a cup of coffee if you like? I'd love to hear more stories about grandpa." Janice softly suggests. "If it's stories about Dan you want, I can give you some!" Chris smirks at her. PJ stomps him with his foot. "Au!" Chris proclaims. Looking betrayed at him. "I think she just means Phil." PJ tells him. Chris sighs disappointed. I look from them back at Janice. "I-I don't know. I have to bring PJ back and I'm not sure if I'm great company right now." I respond to her offer. "Believe it or not, but I'm not the best company either these days. Please, it would mean a lot to me. We can meet up in an hour? At the station?" She pleads. I start munching on my lip again as I look at PJ. "Don't look at me, I'll be fine. In fact, I think Chris and I can use some old fashion best friend time back at the nursery home." He replies to my silent question. Chris nods. "Hell yeah, best buds till the end." He hits PJ's feet with his cane again. I sigh. Shaking my head fondly at them. "Alright, I'll come." I promise her. She smiles grateful and even pulls me in a hug, which I hesitantly return. She then kisses PJ and Chris on the cheek as she walks away again. I look around to see that we're practically the last people still at the ceremony. "Come on, let's get you two back home." I mutter. Turning PJ's wheelchair around after casting one last glance on Dan's picture before the morticians take it away together with his urn to give to his family later.

I meet Janice at the coffee shop where we talk for hours. Mostly about Dan of course. More than once we have to stop and console each other because it gets too hard to think about him and how he's gone out of our lives. I later visit PJ and Chris again and bring Chris back home. I actually visit them almost daily now. Splitting my time between them and Janice. We grow closer each day and the more I talk to her the more I see traits of Dan in her. It makes it both more endurable and harder at the same time, but the talking helps and she really starts to become like a close friend to me. Cornelia returns home as well and I hug her when I see her again. Both her and my parents start to finally give Martyn's missing a place as I actively try to be there for them. "He's in a better place now. " I sometimes catch them saying. Almost as if they can feel that he's no longer lost in the world, but really gone. I'm still mourning him, just like I'll forever mourn Dan and the life I had to give up. I watch his YouTube videos as often as I can. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Janice or PJ and Chris. They always manage to put a smile back on my face. Even on the darkest days when I feel like I can't do it anymore. Hearing his voice, his laugh, remembering the promise I made to him makes me pick myself back up and fight through yet another day. I transferred the videos from the drive to my wristband to watch those when I need a reminder that he was happy in the end. For when doubt clouds my mind late at night and I can't think straight. Janice gave me the shoe box with pictures of us and also his pendant. Which I keep safe next to one of the photo frames of the two of us. I'm looking at one of the pictures right now as well. It's one of our first summer together. When we went to the beach with the four of us. We're standing to our thighs in the ocean water. I have a hold on Dan who's laughing hysterically. I remember when this was taken. It was mere seconds before I threw him in the water as revenge for splashing water in my face. It was such a sunny and carefree day. The both of us giggling as we played around like little children. I smile down at the physical memory. "Don't worry, Dan. I'll live a long and happy life like I promised you. Get ready to hear all about it when I see you again." I whisper softly. Tracing his face with my finger. He's so beautiful. Both inside and out. I kiss the picture carefully. "I love you, Dan bear, Now and forever."

--

The End

----------------------------------------------------
I can't believe it's over. The story is finished and I will finally have to say goodbye to it. I made myself cry again, so my sadistic heart kind of hopes you cried too. I truly hope this story is something you've enjoyed.
If you're looking for more of my stories or phanfic in particular, I have another one that's about to finish called puppy love which is a werewolf story. I'm also over halfway in ' a different life' which involves deaf Dan and super nice and understanding Phil. I have a bunch of unfinished drafts as well so look out for that as well!