Tonight (Book 2) - Zayn Malik

Chapter 2

Ungodly Hour - The Fray

Medicine - Daughter

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Zayn POV

How could things go to shit within seconds? One second she says she needs to think things through and the next I'm kicking her out of my - our apartment.

"Fuck." I scream, slamming on the steering wheel. I stare at my phone, the fifth call to Juliet that has gone straight to voicemail. I haven't dared to call Eleanor - knowing it would end in a lecture.

I lean back in my seat and clench my jaw tightly and close my eyes. Why am I such a fuck up? Why did I have to let my panic and thoughts get the best of me?

I had been outside Sarah's apartment for at least an hour. I had tried to go to sleep but couldn't knowing she was not with me, knowing she was confused and I had kicked her out.

God I don't know why I did it. I was in the moment, I was in a state of pure fear. The only thought in my head being that she could never accept me. The look in her eyes scared me - the way she looked at me as if I was nothing more than a stranger.

It hit everything I feared. She was disgusted, she hated me, she couldn't accept the mistake or the secret I kept. I reacted the best way possible - protecting myself first. Kicking her out.

It was terrifying enough to tell her what I had hidden for so long. The guilt of the fact I had killed Caroline. If it weren't for me she would be alive, if I hadn't been selfish, if I had cared she would be alive.

I'm a killer, I destroyed several lives by not caring. I destroyed her life, her families life, my families life... Everything I had put my family through, the pain and hurt my mom dealt with.

The disappointment was the worst. Knowing when she looked at me she knew that I was some sick boy who wanted to mess with a girl - resulting in her death. Waliyha's constant bullying from her school mates, people that would talk down to my family.

I brought so much pain and hurt to the ones I love. Even to Juliet. And now she was going to leave me... she was going to leave me like my dad left my family and me. Like everyone leaves me... She'll leave me. There's no reason for her to stay with me. I see the way she looks at me now, the way the information took.

I'm damaged that much has always been evident, but now she knows to what extent. She knows I'm a ladies man, it's hard to date me, it's hard to trust me, it's hard to please me... In reality, her being alive and with me is enough to please me for the rest of my life.

I just don't know how to show it. Afraid to show it, to weak to show it... Because I'm weak, I'm weak inside and she is the only one who makes me feel stronger.

She's this perfect angel. Coming from a perfect home. Her heart was broken from some childhood lover who I could never compare to. Except for the fact I took her virginity.

I smile to myself and quickly shake it away, what was wrong with me? Juliet was going to leave me and I'm reminiscing about the time I took her virginity? She has this perfect life and where was I supposed to fit in? All I do is wreck it.

I get out of the car, bombarded by the freezing night air and small flurries of snow that drift down. I flick the flurries off my jacket as I walk into the building,

It's near two in the morning, my body tired and my mind worn. I race up the stairs and towards Sarah's apartment. I stop outside the door and knock on it loudly, glancing at the other apartments - hoping not to wake people and start a scene.

No one comes to the door. I knock again, I don't give a shit if it's three in the morning, I need to talk to her. I need her to know that I'm sorry. I exhale with impatience and begin knocking consistently on the door.