Tonight (Book 2) - Zayn Malik

Chapter 61

My eyes flutter open, accepting the sunlight that filters into the room. I hear the faint humming of the fan running in the corner of my small room.

I roll over in bed and stare at my hands for a moment before getting up.

I quickly change into shorts and a t-shirt, walking out of my room while pulling my hair up into a ponytail.

"Good morning roomie." her voice sings. I don't look at her as I make my way to get smoothie items out of the refrigerator.

"Charlie is going to come over later today." She says calmly. I look over to her and force a smile and a nod.

"Let's just get to the gym." I say, quickly dumping my berries and milk into the blender.

Healthy mind, healthy body, all that kind of stuff. If my emotions are drained I am hoping to keep the rest of me alive. It's been working slightly, during Erica and mine's travels we always make a stop by the gym.

My body is feeling healthier and stronger and I do feel slightly emotionally better after the gym. Endorphins or something.

"Okay." She says, not saying anything further.

Getting to the gym I start running on the treadmill, really not thinking of much except the one thing I can only think about lately.

What would my life be if Zayn had left me alone?

It seems like that's what he wants me to have, he wants me to have that life before he came crashing down into my boring little life. 

Maybe I would have ended up with Harry or Charles. Maybe I would just find myself bored and back with Matt. I would have never gone to Bradford, I may have grown apart from Sarah.

If I didn't date anyone, if I were just alone would I grow to be bitter and resent Sarah for having a relationship? Would I be closer to Lindsay? Would I be as close to Steven and Kate as I am now without Louis?

Would Louis and I even be friends without Zayn?

How different would life be... Charles and Harry. Things were simple with them but there just was something missing there. Something that perhaps could grow to be there but it was not natural or instant.

My lungs hurt from running so hard and I slow down the treadmill, cooling down at a walking pace.

What would life be now, should I just pretend that he never existed. He sure seems to be having such an easy time forgetting me.

He fought so hard to be back in my life and then just disappears. I just don't understand him. My heart just hurts and I feel so lost but also a part of me feels like my eyes are opening.

~~~

I stare at Charles, sitting across from him. My skin still lightly wet with sweat, but I could care less. Care less about my sweat and this meeting.

Charles wasn't going to tell me anything. Unless of course... I'm not that cruel.

"Charles. Please. If you know where he is, Jules and I spent so much time searching..." Erica pleads with her cousin who lays back not he couch.

"He didn't want it Erica. He didn't want any of it. He told me he regrets it, Jules that is." My heart stings. But I stare straight ahead, ignoring the pain. "He regrets not letting you go like you two promised. He regrets keeping you tangled up."

I regret it too now, but only because he decided to run from me and his problems.

"You think I should let go?" I ask, not looking at Charles, still fixated on one part of the wall, attempting to zone him out.