365 Days (ziam fanfiction)

Day 171

Day 171

Time 8:37 pm

   me and harry decided to just take it one step at a time.  we dont wanna take anything to fast. considering we both have our problems. we decided to just let everything just take its own way. I finally was able to go home. I had to Go on a suicide watch again and my therapist raised my appointments to 4 times a week. they wanted me to go to a mental hospital I refused. my therapist and I just got through talking.. harry left to visit the boys. I haven't talked to the boys since the tour ended. we outta be closer but I don't really want to see them. tonight we are supposed to eat in and watch a movie iits our first date and I'm more than excited. somehow i feel like he's going to save me. even though i put him through so much maybe hell love me the way zayn didn't. I haven't been on the internet in weeks and I've been stuck in the house for months and since me and harry started taking things slow I'm afraid this could interfere with our progress in our relationship. I've never thought of him as anything other than a bud before. so this is all new to me. but the feelings are there. oh they are there... every time he comes and sits next to me moves past me every time I catch him falling asleep on the couch or when his curls are all messy and out of place or when he pouts. oh they are there.  I get up and get on the computer, I search for a real estate agent so I can look for a new house so me and harry can actually have a chance. I can't move back into my apartment too many memories.

I think of zayn when I'm not with harry. when I'm with harry I forget about him and all the pain I feel and its just me and him. but when I'm alone i think about zayn then harry and then zayn again and then I cry myself to sleep because I'm so confused. I really like Harry but I still love zayn. we don't talk about him... at all. we avoid it at all costs. I just wish zayn would disappear.

I turn around as harry walks in, as I am about to tell him about my plans but as I look at his face its a mixture of being scared and being worried he walks in and then I realize in seconds why he looks the way he looks the boys walk in right behind him... including zayn...